nancymargrit is offline nancymargrit Post #1  April 22,2009, 9:07am

getting the garden ready

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I need to vent for a minute here. I'm having trouble knowing which move to make next.


I've been on and off eharmony for about 4 years now and I finally met someone that I got along well with. We've been sending a flurry of emails to each other for six weeks. It's easy to talk to this guy because we have a lot of the same interests and read a lot of the same books. Both of us like gardening, both of us have elderly parents that need to be taken care of, and our political and religious views are very similar. It's almost uncanny how similar we are - this is the first time I've met someone who has this many interests similar to my own.


The day before yesterday he told me that I'm spooking him. When I asked him what "spooking" meant, he said that it's odd that we have so many things in common. Late last night, he sent me an email and accused me of playing games with him. He doesn't believe me that I like the same books he does. I emailed him back early this morning and told him that I don't play games with people because I don't have time for this kind of things. About an hour ago he sent an email and said "enough said" and proceeded to ask me about the book I'm reading.


I'd like to continue the relationship because of our similarities. I'm not sure that I'll find another man like this - ie. I don't know if I'll find someone else with whom I share as many interests. I'm slightly put off by the games comment though.


Your input would be helpful.
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #2  April 22,2009, 9:15am
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First problem: Why have you been emailing for six weeks? What about talking on the phone and then talking about meeting?


"OC Matches" have an expiration date. They can only survive for so long in the email stage. It sounds like he has become exasperated with where he sees your relationship [the interaction of two people - in person or via other means].


This relationship maybe doomed - The guy may have problems. How about trying to actively drive this relationship somewhere and see how he responds?
 
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contented is offline contented Post #3  April 22,2009, 9:19am
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Sounds like he should have gone to bed a little earlier so his imagination wouldn't have run wild. What did he want a book report? If you like a certain kind of books ie mysteries, then it's likely that you would read the same books if you like the biggies .... I think you should pour yourself a cup of tea. read your book, and don't try to justify yourself to him. It's awful when you feel like your running along behind someone trying to prove yourself to them. My motto is Never Beg.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  April 22,2009, 9:37am
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Yeah, his reaction is a bit of a red flag - maybe it's a temporary cloud or maybe there is more to it. I would not quit on him, but......as the other posters said, it's time to stop e-mailing and start talking and meeting so you can both see in person who you are dealing with and whether they are really as great as you seem to think they are. Won't lecture you on the whole don't fall in love with a figment of your imagination thing.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #5  April 22,2009, 9:40am
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Nancymargit,


I'm glad to see that you have not given up on finding true love.


It sounds like this guy may have lost faith in the idea that you can find someone who is his soulmate. He may have spent a long time making himself believe that. Now that his ideal match has figuratively "dropped into his lap," he doesn't know what to do with himself.


I agree with those who say it's time to turn this "fantasy" into a "reality." You should encourage a meet. Ultimately, he has to agree to that. If he's hesitant to do so, I don't know if there's much more you can do. He has to believe that The One for him is out there.


I wish you the best of luck. Please keep us posted.
 
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nancymargrit is offline nancymargrit Post #6  April 22,2009, 9:43am

getting the garden ready

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We're not emailing at eharmony anymore - we've been using our personal emails outside eharmony for a while now. I realize that it's time for a phone meeting and I have no reasonable excuses for not starting the phone thing. He lives in southern Manitoba and is going through the usual Red River flooding situation - this is apparently the worst flood in the last century. I know you're going to say "if you can email why can't you phone?" and this is an appropriate question - I don't have an appropriate answer for you. I'll suggest a phone call in my next email and take it from there.
 
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nancymargrit is offline nancymargrit Post #7  April 22,2009, 9:48am

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tbesq,589236 wrote :

Nancymargit,


I'm glad to see that you have not given up on finding true love.


It sounds like this guy may have lost faith in the idea that you can find someone who is his soulmate. He may have spent a long time making himself believe that. Now that his ideal match has figuratively "dropped into his lap," he doesn't know what to do with himself.


I agree with those who say it's time to turn this "fantasy" into a "reality." You should encourage a meet. Ultimately, he has to agree to that. If he's hesitant to do so, I don't know if there's much more you can do. He has to believe that The One for him is out there.


I wish you the best of luck. Please keep us posted.

Thanks tbesq.


Oddly enough I was thinking the same thingafter our exchanges today and yesterday - from what he's said in other emails, it sounds to me like he's had a hard time finding someone who shares his views. He's also been thrown into the position of being the soul care giver to his 92 year old mother - his brother and sister are too busy with their own jobs and families.He said himself that his social skills are a bit rusty.


I'll be trying to make phone contact in the next couple of days and see where things lead.
 
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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #8  April 22,2009, 10:18am
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I'm with everyone else here. There is only so much you can tell of a person via email so a face to face meet is the aim. After all, we're seeking a relationship with a real live person.


As to his comment, it seems you have both addressed it. Take it as a bump in the road rather than a deal breaker. It's great that everything else seems to have fallen into place for you both so, hopefully, things will progress as they should.


I echo tbesq's sentiments - best of luck and keep us posted.
 
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gregger50 is offline gregger50 Post #9  April 22,2009, 10:35am
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nancymargrit, wrote :

I need to vent for a minute here. I'm having trouble knowing which move to make next.


I've been on and off eharmony for about 4 years now and I finally met someone that I got along well with. We've been sending a flurry of emails to each other for six weeks. It's easy to talk to this guy because we have a lot of the same interests and read a lot of the same books. Both of us like gardening, both of us have elderly parents that need to be taken care of, and our political and religious views are very similar. It's almost uncanny how similar we are - this is the first time I've met someone who has this many interests similar to my own.


The day before yesterday he told me that I'm spooking him. When I asked him what "spooking" meant, he said that it's odd that we have so many things in common. Late last night, he sent me an email and accused me of playing games with him. He doesn't believe me that I like the same books he does. I emailed him back early this morning and told him that I don't play games with people because I don't have time for this kind of things. About an hour ago he sent an email and said "enough said" and proceeded to ask me about the book I'm reading.


I'd like to continue the relationship because of our similarities. I'm not sure that I'll find another man like this - ie. I don't know if I'll find someone else with whom I share as many interests. I'm slightly put off by the games comment though.


Your input would be helpful.
Hi nancymargrit.........emailing,texting etc etc has sadly become the norm today and people have become way to dependent on it. Emailing should only be used at first to start a relationship. A true and long lasting relationship doesn't or shouldn't exist in the cyber world. Six weeks emailing? It's time for a face to face!


Good Luck
 
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m8se69 is offline m8se69 Post #10  April 22,2009, 11:19am
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I'm happy for you NM, that you didn't give up! It sounds like you met a very nice guy.


Now, I know that you have been on here as long as me, or longer. How many threads have you read about "game playing"? How many threads have you read about "Is this too good to be true"? I think your man is feeling a bit of the latter.


You did the only thing you could, you were honest. He can either choose to believe you, or not. It seems like he does. Perhaps he was just having doubts, or bit of depression was setting in. Sounds like his home life not a barrell of laughs right now. Flooding is never an easy thing to live with. So, I'm sure he's stressed about a lot of things. Give him the benefit of the doubt. One incident is no reason to give up. Not after waiting this long.


Onto another matter...I'll ask again. "How long have you been on here????" You know the time line before things start to poof. It's definitely time to talk on the phone, and thinking about a meeting. You don't want a good thing to go sour!!!
 
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