What comes first...the "I love you." or the committment?


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the_cranyum is offline the_cranyum Post #1  April 19,2009, 9:06am
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What should come first...the "I love you." or the committment? And where should the first time having sex fit in with all of this?
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #2  April 19,2009, 9:54am
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Based on my own experience the committment comes first,followed by the "I love you."I waited to have sex until we were committed even then I was not sure I could perform because of my old-fashioned upbringing.
 
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roarimaraptor is offline roarimaraptor Post #3  April 19,2009, 11:02am
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I think commitment should come before both.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  April 19,2009, 11:17am
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I don’t know how you define commitment – though for me it would mean living together or any other form of financial liability associated with her presence in my life, or more. There is no possibility I would get to that without sex – or, at least, I doubt it.


If you mean dating only one woman, that for me has historically come first, though I could see not doing so if options allowed and I felt further time to assess who was the correct choice was warranted.
 
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gr8galmv is offline gr8galmv Post #5  April 19,2009, 11:53am
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I would establish a committed exclusive relationship before introducing sex into the relationship. The right guy will wait around for this order. The verbal "I love you" comes as the relationship continues to grow by physically and emotionally.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #6  April 19,2009, 11:56am
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D_Lion,585168 wrote :

I don’t know how you define commitment – though for me it would mean living together or any other form of financial liability associated with her presence in my life, or more. There is no possibility I would get to that without sex – or, at least, I doubt it.


If you mean dating only one woman, that for me has historically come first, though I could see not doing so if options allowed and I felt further time to assess who was the correct choice was warranted.
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the_cranyum is offline the_cranyum Post #7  April 19,2009, 11:59am
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That's really interesting. I've always thought the "I love you" should come first, then the committment, then the sex. Of course, I've never followed this timeline. I usually have sex first, and the "I love you" and committment never seem to follow. No big surprise there, I'm sure.


The only serious relationship I've ever been in started with the "I love you" then the sex, then the committment...all happened over the course of a few days after seeing eachother for a month or so. The relationship lasted for almost 3 years.
 
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Watertown73 is offline Watertown73 Post #8  April 19,2009, 12:11pm
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angelofmerci,585063 wrote :

Based on my own experience the committment comes first,followed by the "I love you."I waited to have sex until we were committed even then I was not sure I could perform because of my old-fashioned upbringing.
Totally disagree with all of you. My best relationship started with sex, then went to "I love you", then committment and marriage 3 years later. If the sex isn't there, then the committment won't last really long; I had that happen before. I think, as women we try to get committment first. But I don't; I learned my lesson. As I always say now, "I don't buy a car unless I have had a chance to test drive it." Don't knock it till you've tried it;we are still married after 17 years, still best lovers, and best friends, and more committed now.
 
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janissary is offline janissary Post #9  April 19,2009, 12:19pm
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Short-term commitment, many "I love you"s, then long-term commitment.


Sex is a moving target.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #10  April 19,2009, 12:34pm
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janissary,585246 wrote :

Sex is a moving target.




I have a big net.
 
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