Meet his Parents?! They don't speak English! HELP!


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FirewomanLynne is offline FirewomanLynne Post #1  April 18,2009, 2:08pm
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My EH Matchhasbeen talking about meeting each others parents. I try to stay away from this subject, out of SHEER FEAR! His parents are older (mid 80's), however thats not a problem, the problem is they ONLY SPEAK ITALIAN! When he told me this, I wanted to die! He must have seen the fear on my face, well actually, I'm sure he did cause he started to bug me about it. That was about amonthago. Just the thought of it, makes me feel sick. Also because of a past experience though. Many, many years ago I was involved in the same situation. My ex's familyonly spoke Italian. The Sunday Dinners at his parents were something I DREADED each week. His family didn't exactly make it easy on me throughout those dinners either. In the end it was one of the factors that helped end the relationship.


I am terrified that this happens again. But I am afraid to mention this to him, as his family is VERY IMPORTANT to him. He's also a 'Mamma's boy' somewhat. I don't know what to do. I know I can't keep avoiding this forever. And I don't want to do anything that would endanger this relationship, I am hopelessly in love with him. ADVICE PLEASE!!!!
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  April 18,2009, 2:34pm
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You are in the US, as are they? Burden is more theirs, in my view, to learn to speak to people they can expect to encounter.


You’re going to Italy? Maybe trying to learn a few words is worthwhile?


Business people travel all the time, and it seems standard practice to show a little effort.
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #3  April 18,2009, 2:39pm
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I'll take a guess your bf knows you don't speak Italian, so he's already aware there's a language barrier between you and his parents. You don't have to point out the obvious. What he won't be aware of though, is that you've already had an experience that makes you ultra sensitive to this - more apprehensive about it than he may think/consider you to be.


The fact that his family is so important to him is even more reason for you to talk to him about this, so that you and he are on the same page as to why you're apprehensive. This wouldn't be the circumstance you'd want to have a misunderstanding over - family. And no doubt, he'll be understanding and more accomodating of the fact that, even without the past experience, you're bound to feel somewhat like 'odd woman out' meeting family for the first time AND not being able to communicate with them in a manner familiar to you.


And most importantly - stop freaking out!! lol We always tend to spin stuff up in our own minds wayyy worse than they really are. What's the liklihood that whatever happened at the ex's parents house at Sunday dinners is going to be repeated at this bf's parents house? Nahh... she'll stuff ya full of cannoli and smile while doin' it - how bad is THAT!?
 
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FirewomanLynne is offline FirewomanLynne Post #4  April 18,2009, 2:43pm
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D_Lion,584124 wrote :

You are in the US, as are they? Burden is more theirs, in my view, to learn to speak to people they can expect to encounter.


You’re going to Italy? Maybe trying to learn a few words is worthwhile?


Business people travel all the time, and it seems standard practice to show a little effort.
Hi there!


Actually no, I'm in Montreal Canada (Quebec). I speak both official languages here English and French perfectly. They (his parents) were born in Italy, but have lived here for 50 years. I know! I don't understand either how you can live somewhere and not speak the language either!


So to answer your question, my whole problem lives no further than 30 minutes from my house! HELP!!!!
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #5  April 18,2009, 2:49pm
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Rosetta Stone. Start learning Italian. Even just showing the effort that you're trying to learn the language will be a big gesture.


So when you finally meet them, stutter out a few phrases in Italian, and then have your boyfriend translate. It will all work out. Don't worry about it.
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #6  April 18,2009, 2:49pm
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FirewomanLynne,584136 wrote :

D_Lion,584124 wrote :


You are in the US, as are they? Burden is more theirs, in my view, to learn to speak to people they can expect to encounter.


You’re going to Italy? Maybe trying to learn a few words is worthwhile?


Business people travel all the time, and it seems standard practice to show a little effort.


Hi there!


Actually no, I'm in Montreal Canada (Quebec). I speak both official languages here English and French perfectly. They (his parents) were born in Italy, but have lived here for 50 years. I know! I don't understand either how you can live somewhere and not speak the language either!


So to answer your question, my whole problem lives no further than 30 minutes from my house! HELP!!!!
Does your bf speak fluently? I'm sure he's been in the role of translator before, and he will have to be again when you meet them. It can't hurt to learn a few basic words/phrases - greeting, pleasantries, etc but conversationally would take awhile to learn much more than that I would think.
 
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FirewomanLynne is offline FirewomanLynne Post #7  April 18,2009, 2:54pm
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lucky173,584130 wrote :

I'll take a guess your bf knows you don't speak Italian, so he's already aware there's a language barrier between you and his parents. You don't have to point out the obvious. What he won't be aware of though, is that you've already had an experience that makes you ultra sensitive to this - more apprehensive about it than he may think/consider you to be.


The fact that his family is so important to him is even more reason for you to talk to him about this, so that you and he are on the same page as to why you're apprehensive. This wouldn't be the circumstance you'd want to have a misunderstanding over - family. And no doubt, he'll be understanding and more accomodating of the fact that, even without the past experience, you're bound to feel somewhat like 'odd woman out' meeting family for the first time AND not being able to communicate with them in a manner familiar to you.


And most importantly - stop freaking out!! lol We always tend to spin stuff up in our own minds wayyy worse than they really are. What's the liklihood that whatever happened at the ex's parents house at Sunday dinners is going to be repeated at this bf's parents house? Nahh... she'll stuff ya full of cannoli and smile while doin' it - how bad is THAT!?
''And most importantly - stop freaking out!! lol We always tend to spin stuff up in our own minds wayyy worse than they really are. What's the liklihood that whatever happened at the ex's parents house at Sunday dinners is going to be repeated at this bf's parents house? Nahh... she'll stuff ya full of cannoli and smile while doin' it - how bad is THAT!?''


Hi Lucky!


HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Thanks so much for that! You have no idea how much I needed a good laugh on this subject! And thanks for the advice too! Your right, I have to sit down and have a talk with him. He knows I've had the 'Italian family' experience before, it's just that I had never mentioned it wasn't exactly a good experience! Going to have to tell him all about itnow though!


Thanks again!
 
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FirewomanLynne is offline FirewomanLynne Post #8  April 18,2009, 2:57pm
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Mr_Right,584145 wrote :

Rosetta Stone. Start learning Italian. Even just showing the effort that you're trying to learn the language will be a big gesture.


So when you finally meet them, stutter out a few phrases in Italian, and then have your boyfriend translate. It will all work out. Don't worry about it.
That's a great idea!!! THANKS!!! (He'd love that!)
 
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treatmesweetly is offline treatmesweetly Post #9  April 18,2009, 3:02pm
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It has been my experience that just trying to communicate with someone who speaks another language creates an almost immediate connection with them.


I visited some friends in Germany last year. We went to a small town known for it's pottery, and went into a shop. The owner was an older man who spoke no English (I speakvery, very littleGerman). We listened to him as he toldus lots of stuff with lots of gesturing. I paid attention. He showed us some large bowls/basins, and even slammed one on the floor. He pointed out different patterns on the pottery, and motioned to himself and then toward his son. His son joined us and asked, "Do you speak German?" Nope. He started to translate/summarize what his father had told us. His son pointed to the large bowls and explained that they were very sturdy and could be used outdoors (or slammed on the floor without breaking). His son explained that the different patterns and paint colors were characteristic of theirlocal clays and high firing temperatures (and the older man was proudly passing that knowledge down to his son). I complimentedthem ontheir craftsmanship (in English, since I have no idea how to say it in German), and Iknow the older man understood my intention. He smiled, took me by the hand, and pointed out somespecial pieces to me...auf Deutsch.


Tell your significant other that you'll meet his parents. Pay attention to their facial expressions, their tone ofvoice, and gestures. Before you meet them, ask your SO for brief translations of specific detailsas needed. Most likely you'll impress him and his parents, and have a great time!
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #10  April 19,2009, 12:03am
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oh, i think you should just follow his mom into the kitchen and do something there. this is classic catholic strategy a la st. theresa. she said if you can't deal, go peel potatoes. don't ask if you can help, just interfere. but don't bring a bundt cake and try not to break her wedding china.
 
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