coastgirl is offline coastgirl Post #1  April 12,2009, 3:25pm
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My partner of two years has said he had enough and says its over. He asked me and my son to move in two years ago with him i had reservations at the start but he reassured me and i trusted him that this was going to last.i thought we werein for the long haul. he finds it hard now to look at me and still calls me my nickname.


He now says he has had enough and its over. How can be so clincal about it. He has never lived anyone before and i am the longest girlfriend he has had he his turning 40 this year. He his not one to express emotions or talk about feelings. I love him deeply and cant help but think this is all wrong and that he will regret the decision hes made. I m finding it hard to walk away from this relationship. The only explanantion he given is that it is over, and that when in the car i dont talk these are all things if i knew could have fixed and that he had thinking about it for a while why couldnt he tell me so that we could talk thru and work it out .


i move next week where do i go from here my son is devestated and my world is been hit by a rock i want to try and work things out will the time apart help will he realise what he has lost. the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. i would do anything to keep us together.
 
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Paperweight is offline Paperweight Post #2  April 12,2009, 4:18pm
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I don't know the who situation, but it may be a number of things: First, you said that this is the longest relationship he has been in. Does he have commitment issues. Generally, the time apart deal doesn't work in my past. Especially if he is stubborn. What I mean by that is that once he has made that decision to have you move out, even though he may think its a mistake later, he's too stubborn to admit it. (My personal problem, too) But after all of this, just remember, if he truly doesn't want to be with you it's time to move on. Don't make a mistake and attempt to force it, it won't work and it will just prolong your suffering. If you can talk him into counselling, I would do that first. Communication to meis big, especially expressing feelings. Good luck with the outcome.
 
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treatmesweetly is offline treatmesweetly Post #3  April 12,2009, 6:24pm
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I'm sorry this happened to you and your son. Ifthe guygives no real reason to end it and refuses to discuss it, he's already moved on. I think the best thing for you and your son is to move out, move on, and not to prolongthe pain. Good luck!
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #4  April 23,2009, 10:24pm
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coastgirl, wrote :

My partner of two years has said he had enough and says its over. He asked me and my son to move in two years ago with him i had reservations at the start but he reassured me and i trusted him that this was going to last.i thought we werein for the long haul. he finds it hard now to look at me and still calls me my nickname.


He now says he has had enough and its over. How can be so clincal about it. He has never lived anyone before and i am the longest girlfriend he has had he his turning 40 this year. He his not one to express emotions or talk about feelings. I love him deeply and cant help but think this is all wrong and that he will regret the decision hes made. I m finding it hard to walk away from this relationship. The only explanantion he given is that it is over, and that when in the car i dont talk these are all things if i knew could have fixed and that he had thinking about it for a while why couldnt he tell me so that we could talk thru and work it out .


i move next week where do i go from here my son is devestated and my world is been hit by a rock i want to try and work things out will the time apart help will he realise what he has lost. the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. i would do anything to keep us together.
My suggestion would be to do absolutely nothing. If he has a change of heart he will be able to find you no problem.


My other suggestion would be to not wait around. I know you are heartbroken and this is a difficult time for you and your son, but get on with your life as best as you can.


I know that marriage is not guaranteed permanent either, but I really would advise not living with someone again, even if they reassure you. And wait a year or so before you take any major steps in the future. For the sake of your son.


Again I'm so sorry.
 
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sc4me is offline sc4me Post #5  April 24,2009, 4:33am
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I was married for 2 years and thought things were okay. Not great, but we were working on it. She told me one Sunday morning that she was finished ... done, and wanted me out. I wasn't completely stunned as she had been withdrawn for awhile. But I moved that weekend. She gave me plenty of time, but I didn't want to be there a minute longer than necessary if she didn't want me there.


She never changed her mind.


I found out later there were a lot of things going on that I didn't know about at the time. One of which she was an undiagnosed Bipolar II.


All this to say, I am sorry this happened to you; especially for your son who I am sure begun to think of the place as home. But there is probably something going on that you don't know about. But DO NOT blame yourself. Get some counseling if you need it to help you adjust and sort out and process the emotions; and maybe your son too. But do move.


He sounds like a mixed up guy. Have you asked him to go to couples counseling with you?
 
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AdviceGuy212 is offline AdviceGuy212 Post #6  April 25,2009, 8:42pm
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I'd give you some advice, but everyone's already given some great advice Good luck!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  April 25,2009, 9:58pm
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My heart goes out to you. I really don't have any more advice to give than what has been given already. I will reiterate one bit, next time have the commitment before moving in.


I won't say that this guy is a commitment phobe as I see nothing in your post indicating any presure for more commitment than he has made already. For some reason he has tired of you and it is likely that it is nothing that you have done or failed to do. There are some people that can't / won't share their most personal thoughts and feelings. He is one. This makes it impossible to work through any problems.


I shall say a prayer for you (if you are not religious, well I am still going to say a prayer for you).
 
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earnest99 is offline earnest99 Post #8  April 26,2009, 8:34am
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This sounds like a terrible situation to be in. I feel so sorry for you and your son.


My advise is first to try and accept that he is gone. The sooner you do this, the better for you and your son. Do not share any of your fears and insecurties over this with your son. You must project strong for him. Every time you feel you are failing, remember you owe it to your son to project strong. He has had his world destroyed, and he now only has you as his one piece of stability. You must be a rock. Every time you feel you are failing, remember you owe it to your son to project strong. You must be his rock.


In the meantime, please give up men. Concentrate on your family. When your son gets old enough to leave the house, then you can start up with a guy. Do not involve yourself with any romantic partners. If you can't do that, do not inroduce them to your son unless you have a ring on your finger first.


Your son is hurting. Try your best not to hurt him any more by your behaivior.


In the meantime, stay as busy as you can. This will help you to stop thinking about your lost man. Get a job with a lot of responsibility. Keep too busy to think of him. In six months you'll start to begin to feel like your old self.
 
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