It is a good analogy, fits pretty much perfectly.

Dear Readers,


Like each one of us, DLC872 has to come in his own timing and his own way to what's the very best for him and his family. Like ALL of us, it's very hard for us when we're in a situation to step back and really see what's going on as we're so emotionally involved. That's why doctors don't practice or treat their own family members - they're just too close emotionally.


DLC872 is clearly thinking about things. We all learn in different ways and process information in different ways. One thing he finds helpful to him, as many others do too, is to write his feelings whether here or in a journal.


Feelings are exactly that - nothing more than a person's very own feelings. We hurt for people as they go through things in life and we all hurt for DLC872.


Maybe some of us have walked in his shoes in our own relationships; maybe some of us haven't. None of us have walked in HIS EXACT shoes. It's always best to be supportative of the person. That does NOT mean supporting the person in their decisions or lack of decisions, but supporting the person as a human being with all that means!


Patience is always prudent in these kinds of situations when helping a person. As much as possible, seek to feel what DLC872 is feeling. He's most likely fearful, stressed, and anxious about all these things not to mention terribly hurting.


He had a terrible divorce, lost the shirt off his back so to speak, had to hire expensive lawyers to get his kids out of state custody, doesn't have any money so to speak of, has a daughter who won't speak to him, has another daughter who needs help in school and who this lady is apparently a positive influence for, has a son who I believe has Asperger's (think this is true, if not, I'll come back and edit this out), feels poorly about his appearance, lacks self-esteem, and other things.


He has a lady he's attracted to who has "adopted" his family and adds warmth to his life, that he hasn't had in over nine years or so, as a friend. He fell in love with her not planning to fall in love. It just happened. She sent / sends him lots of mixed messages.


It's so easy for us to come in, give a 5 or 10 minute evaluation of his situation, tell him to break it off, and move on. That's not how it works in real life. Sometimes, a person spends YEARS in therapy before they're able to make a move.


Again, each person does things in their own timing and way. DLC872 is clearly thinking of all these things. He's listening. He has to come to whatever emotionally healthy conclusions on HIS own. We could say whatever until the cows come home, but it's up to him to get to the place where he's able to act in his and his families own best interests.


Let's be as supportative and compassionate of him as possible. While we disagree with his decisions to date, we can be kindly and supportative of him as a person as he goes through this very difficult process.


He's ahead of many others who never even examine things but bury their heads to the truth. DLC872 knows things aren't right and he's thinking. That's the first step to one changing what they're doing.


He seems one who works through his feelings by writing them. That's good for him as is kindly and nicely confronting him along the way as we don't ever want to enable a person's unhealthy choices for themselves and / or their family.


We make things so cut and dried, but for the person in the situation, it's not that way. They're dealing with emotions whereas we're not emotionally involved. We're not feeling the pain, so to speak, while the person is feeling the most acute pain and it hurts - badly.


I do believe DLC872 will come to a point where he will make a conscious decision but he has to be the one to make it. We can't make it for him. He's already under enough stress. Let's not make him more stressed out even as we seek to truly help him so he does not continue to hurt himself.


We can be here to listen . . . even if we most strongly disagree! Let's not shut down the lines of communication - that's always a mistake, just as it is when parents do that with their children. We may not like what they're doing, but we value the person they are - the person God has made them to be!


JavaJava5