Will I ever get out of the friend zone?

I am sorry you are going through this as it seems to be giving you much emotional stress. I fully understand your situation as I found myself involved in something similar. You see, I enjoyed the man as a friend. I felt he was not in my league, so to speak. I had zero physical attraction to him, yet it was okay to joke around with him, and to be an integral part of his life- which he let me. I enjoyed his company and he enjoyed mine. He'd cook for me. I met his kids and friends. I'd spend the night at his house; I had my own bedroom. He was someone with whom I was 100% comfortable, but he always wanted more, and I was just not in a position to give more. To me, he was a great friend.

I can tell you this as a woman. When a man enters the FRIEND zone, it is almost impossible to get out. I can see she really loves you- as a friend and cares for you, but you must understand that the physical attraction is not there. I was in the same predicament. I can tell you if the physical attraction is not there, whatever relationship you are hoping for will not work. It is just something inside a person that inspite your loving them and wanting to spend time with them will not allow you to go any further.

Don't feel that she is using you. I don't think she is. She has explained her feelings and her situation to you. Accept it. OP, acceptance makes llike so much easier. It's a lesson my dad taught me. Accept it to get peace with the situation. When you accept, you are not agreeing, condoning, nothing, you are just admitting, "It is what it is."

You seem like a wonderful man. She is a wonderful friend. Can you find a way to just be friends and not let yourself read her every word and action as if she wants you? It is just not meant to be. Look at all the indications.

My male friend eventually just cut me off after well over 7 years. He couldn't take it anymore. It hurt, but I moved on as I am sure he has.

I won't tell you to cut her off because I think it's selfish. If you can just accept her decision, I think you two can have a great friendship. Relationships fade; they come and they go.....just read this board but OP, dear friends are forever.

Don't ask her for more. She cannot give it; she has told you. Accept what it is and maybe you will spare yourself more of this emotional turmoil.

Good luck.

It's time to give her up completely and utterly. Buddy, you are only going to become more and more hurt if you keep seeing her and letting her be a part of your life.

She is HINDERING you. She's preventing you from being open to a new relationship with someone else.

NOTHING is going to change. She is going to feel the same way about you six months from now as she does now. She's going to feel the same way about you five years from now as she does now. (unless, of course, you go to the gym every day for six months and become a professional bodybuilder... but maybe not even then).

There are certain things in a relationship that you realize you must have. This girl will not for whatever reason give them to you. Thus, you should MOVE ON.

First of all, you need to give this girl up cold turkey. Sit down in a public place, like a mall or something, and tell her that it's time for us to stop being friends (and of COURSE she will try to rationalize and stop you from doing it... you've got to be strong), and then grieve a bit, and then sign up for 3 different dating sites and start going out twice a week to meet women.

I understand what you are saying, although I don't entirely emotionally grasp the concept of the "friend zone". To me...and a lot of other guys...there is no better relationship than one that starts as friends and grows into more. And sometimes the physical attraction can grow with the emotional attachment. In this case you are truly deliberately decieving yourself. Her as well as so many people on this board have unanimously tried to tell you the same thing over and over - you will never ever ever be more than a friend to her. She is not attracted to you and nothing will ever come out of it. She herself has not only told you that point blank, but supported that with her actions - seeing and dating other people and never going beyond friendship with you. It's time for you to face this as painful as this may be.

This whole thing started with me flirting with a very nice looking woman who was in my bowling league. I was on a confidence boosting kick and decided to try to actually go for a woman I was attracted to even if she was out of my league. She responded and a relationship, of sorts, developed. Not a relationship - a frienship, a very platonic friendship on her side. It almost seems like you can't let this go because you can't admit being wrong about this.......

She didn't have to keep taking my calls back then, or start emailing me, etc etc etc. if she wasn't attracted. She could have just brushed me off as most women do. You are hands down a nice person and yes, women do keep male friends around without ever having any intentions or wishes or desires for anything more from them than just being friends.

I have no doubt she cares for me very much and that there is a strong degree of emotional intimacy between us. I do think it's unfair of someone to get themselves deeply, emotionally involved with someone and their family if he or she knows that the other has feelings that aren't shared. It is a form of emotional torture in a way and it's not fair to the person who is the "undesired" one. I've been rejected by many women over the years; that's hard enough but it's a lot tougher to have someone so close to you keep making it clear that, while you are a dear friend and someone loved and that you are important to them...you aren't attractive enough for the other person to entertain the idea of getting involved with. You've hung onto and and encouraged this quite a bit too. While neither one of you is innocent or without fault in this, do accept your own part and role in this.

I'm seeing this situation as a compartmentalization of relationships and I'm not sure it's healthy. No, it's not healthy but it works for her just fine. It's you who is not getting what you want out of life, not her. It seemed to me that the boyfriend had become the "f-buddy"...someone to go see when she had the itch, but emotionally unavailable. Wrong, whatever he offered to her she needed that. As a friend you only heard the bad parts about their relationship simply because good news is no news. Women often love to complain to each other about the problems and the downsides of a relationship, however it's important to realize that she is with him because the good sides are well outweighing the bad at least for her. For you to believe that the guy, any guy, she dates is just a jerk is a deadly emotional game you are playing with yourself. I'm the family she never had...the guy who gets her and vice versa, who adores her, who has a family that needs a woman and a daughter who needs a mom...and she gets fulfillment from that, an emotional relationship and a strong bond without having to settle for the physically unattractive guy. Read this portion back to yourself carefully - she is a user and those are your own words - accurate ones. She has other friends that fill other roles as well. So now if she's dumped the boyfriend at last, she is seeking out others to be the "real men" in her life while still keeping me around as something else. All the while knowing that if she really wanted to she could fall right into this family in the real role of step mom and girlfriend / wife. That's just it, she does not want any of that or at least not with you. She gets to play at all of those things and then walk away when it's not convenient or she gets tired of the game. You on the other hand get to pay the never ending emotional toll for all of this. In the meantime she gets to play that when she wants but still go out and have fun with better looking men.

And I'm in deep to this situation.

I understand what you are saying, although I don't entirely emotionally grasp the concept of the "friend zone". To me...and a lot of other guys...there is no better relationship than one that starts as friends and grows into more. And sometimes the physical attraction can grow with the emotional attachment.

This whole thing started with me flirting with a very nice looking woman who was in my bowling league. I was on a confidence boosting kick and decided to try to actually go for a woman I was attracted to even if she was out of my league. She responded and a relationship, of sorts, developed.

She didn't have to keep taking my calls back then, or start emailing me, etc etc etc. if she wasn't attracted. She could have just brushed me off as most women do.

I have no doubt she cares for me very much and that there is a strong degree of emotional intimacy between us. I do think it's unfair of someone to get themselves deeply, emotionally involved with someone and their family if he or she knows that the other has feelings that aren't shared. It is a form of emotional torture in a way and it's not fair to the person who is the "undesired" one. I've been rejected by many women over the years; that's hard enough but it's a lot tougher to have someone so close to you keep making it clear that, while you are a dear friend and someone loved and that you are important to them...you aren't attractive enough for the other person to entertain the idea of getting involved with.

I'm seeing this situation as a compartmentalization of relationships and I'm not sure it's healthy. It seemed to me that the boyfriend had become the "f-buddy"...someone to go see when she had the itch, but emotionally unavailable. I'm the family she never had...the guy who gets her and vice versa, who adores her, who has a family that needs a woman and a daughter who needs a mom...and she gets fulfillment from that, an emotional relationship and a strong bond without having to settle for the physically unattractive guy. She has other friends that fill other roles as well. So now if she's dumped the boyfriend at last, she is seeking out others to be the "real men" in her life while still keeping me around as something else. All the while knowing that if she really wanted to she could fall right into this family in the real role of step mom and girlfriend / wife. In the meantime she gets to play that when she wants but still go out and have fun with better looking men.

And I'm in deep to this situation.