Will I ever get out of the friend zone?

wow very sad indeed. have u ever stopped and read your post and thought about the way u sound? u sound like a whiny little teenager boy with love problems. sigh... get a hold of yourself and stop letting this woman of yours treat u like that.


i don't know what her problem is and her presumed almighty righteousness that she isloyal to her bf. her morals are deranged and the way i see it she is already cheating on her bf with you yet likes to make herself out to be a loyal one-man woman.shetells you not to wait for her yet doesn't have the decency to straighten things out with u. she is very selfish and as i see it u are being used mr.

I'm sure I do sound that way....I have a tendency to emote and wear my heart on my sleeve more than most guys. Sometimes that's a good thing, sometimes not. I'm actually fairly strong in a lot of ways, as I've learned over the past few years.


What's been particularly challenging about this relationship has been this overriding sense when her and I are together that it's "right". I dont't know how else to describe it. I've also tested the relationship over the last year or so in a way too...by becoming a bit distant, not initiating contact with her. She always turns up when I do that and she has definitely worked her way into my heart and into my family. I know she really is trying to help me in a lot of ways and Lord knows I need it. I'm sure she gets some gratification out of it too; she certainly has expressed to me from time to time how upset she is at being 41 and living with her mom. I've told her more than once that she has other choices and needs to see that herself.


So, I decided...fully aware of the risk...that it looked to me like she is someone special and that it also looked like the relationship she was in really wasn't working at all for her. I'd be OK being a friend to her, definitely with the hope that when she saw the light and realized that she was really not with the right guy, perhaps her and I would start seeing each other as more than friends after some time went by. But if she didn'tchange her situation, then I was fine being her friend because she can be a very good friend to you and I enjoy her company without regard to the attraction issue.


And, with her encouragement, I dated a bit last year too. I came to a point where I felt that, sure, it would be nice if she and I became a couple and I felt it was a good fit, but it is what it is and that's maybe not the way I want it but I'll accept that.


The one thing that I did worry about with her was what I called the nightmare scenario...she breaks things off with the guy she has been with, then doesn't give me a chance at all and just starts seeing other guys romantically. I'm a little bit afraid that this might be playing out now....but that may just be my paranoia speaking. When I think of it over the last week she's been with in person or had contact with me and my family every single day. So she goes out on Thursday nights without me...we arent a couple so that's OK. Last week she showed up with a guy at the bowling alley....could that have been a date? Possibly...but knowing her as I do, probably not. Same thing tonight. She might well have started seeing someone...but in some ways I'd be surprised if she was doing anything more than hanging out with a friend or some friends. She does know a lot of people and has lived in the community all of her life...and, from my standpoint anyway, she has definitely invested a lot of time with me and my family over the past few weeks as well.


I guess where I was getting particularly upset was in how things have been going with her over the past few weeks. She pretty much stopped going to see the boyfriend. She'd spoken of him a few times to me and it was always along the lines of "he doesn't want to do things together" or "he's reckless with me" or "it's too late now after all the things he's said to me". She hinted to me one day ... a Sunday actually ... that she'd moved some of her things out of his place. But she's never been absolutely clear about this and I think that she's trying to figure out what she's doing there too. When she started getting involved with this guy she had high hopes that this was it ...she'd finally found her husband. But it doesn't look like this has worked out for her and I know it hurts for her. I haven't and I won't say anything to her to try to convince her to drop him...at most I've told her she has to find her way and I once did admit I don't like how he treats her.


But with me the last few weeks all of a sudden there was a change in the way she acted towards me. She wasn't going to see him. She was kind of flirty on the phone. She invited me out to a concert...something she never would have done before. She became a little bit more affectionate physically. She's been acting in a lot of ways like a girlfriend to me and I"ve never pushed for anything sexual, I've never tried to kiss her, I've been a gentleman with her...but she has been much more visible in my life without a doubt. And I've liked that though I've been somewhat frustrated too...especially after I stopped seeing the woman I was actually dating.


So after all the feeling of us becoming closer and a sense that maybe this was going to become something more...when she was ready for it to happen...it kind of freaked me out when I heard from a friend that she was with a guy at the bowling alley last week. She might have been on a date, there is no doubt about that. She definitely didn't want me to know about it (and I almost was there that night too but had a change of plans). It got my ... obsessive paranoia if you want...up with my fear of the nightmare scenario. And it is, in all likelihood, most probably just a friend. I would have loved it if she had a night out with me, but she is already spending a lot of time with me and my kids and she does have other friends.


I'm not sure I'm ready to pull the plug on this relationship at this point, but I rthink that the comments people have made here have made me think carefully about how she approaches relationships with men and how my relationship with her might be from her standpoint. I think that we could have a good thing...perhaps that's true.... but maybe I'll discover that she just isn't capable of being in a healthy relationship with a good guy.


I may just have to let this play out and not be afraid to get out a little and socialize myself. Maybe there is a woman out there that will make me forget about her. Maybe a night out at a dance or whatever without her would be good in and of itself.


Thanks again for listening.

As the earth orbits the sun, attracted to her pull, but never getting closer. So does the man in unrequited love chase the woman of his affection. He is always near her, always chasing, but still kept at a distance ironicaly enough because of how quickly he chases her. Indeed, more eagerly he chases, the further her gets ...and the less he chases, the more she pulls him in.


But in the end, they are not equals, she is his center, while he is not. And that is why he cannot catch her.

As the earth orbits the sun, attracted to her pull, but never getting closer. So does the man in unrequited love chase the woman of his affection. He is always near her, always chasing, but still kept at a distance ironicaly enough because of how quickly he chases her. Indeed, more eagerly he chases, the further her gets ...and the less he chases, the more she pulls him in.


But in the end, they are not equals, she is his center, while he is not. And that is why he cannot catch her.