How important is it that you hear the words "I love you"?


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Steve_Cam is offline Steve_Cam Post #11  February 12,2009, 12:28pm

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maple2, wrote :

If you are in a committed relationship and your partner shows you in his/her actions that he loves you, is it really important for you to hear these words?


I have been dating someone for 6 weeks now and he told me the other day that every time he says the words "I love you", he jinxes that relationship, so he is holding back.


I personally love to hear these words as many times as someone feels comfortable saying them. Now it may be a little too early to say/hear them at 6 weeks, but I am willing to wait, but for how long?

I dont know how to answer this question because its a struggle for me. I avoid the whole thing, purposefully break dates to avoid the first 'I Love You' or have been known to start a bickerment. Not because I dont like to hear it, but because it is so uncomfortable and it takes the relationship up a notch. I know thats incredibly chickenchit, but its the truth about me.


I dont know about the whole 'Jinxing' the relationship idea. If one of my guy friends told me that id give him some chit and tell him to man up. Most men I know who pull stuff like that are commitophobes(much like myself)


-Steve Cam
 
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WaterHound is offline WaterHound Post #12  February 12,2009, 2:03pm
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maple2, wrote :

If you are in a committed relationship and your partner shows you in his/her actions that he loves you, is it really important for you to hear these words?


I have been dating someone for 6 weeks now and he told me the other day that every time he says the words "I love you", he jinxes that relationship, so he is holding back.


I personally love to hear these words as many times as someone feels comfortable saying them. Now it may be a little too early to say/hear them at 6 weeks, but I am willing to wait, but for how long?

I waited for almost a year. I waited bc her actions told me to. Actions spoke louder than words which were there showing heartfelt connection, and they grew over time thus indicating her love for us was deepening. The words finally came out naturally and matched her actions. I say watch his/her actions and the words of acknowledgement will arrive soo enough.
 
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friedrice is offline friedrice Post #13  February 12,2009, 2:34pm
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maple2, wrote :

If you are in a committed relationship and your partner shows you in his/her actions that he loves you, is it really important for you to hear these words?


I have been dating someone for 6 weeks now and he told me the other day that every time he says the words "I love you", he jinxes that relationship, so he is holding back.


I personally love to hear these words as many times as someone feels comfortable saying them. Now it may be a little too early to say/hear them at 6 weeks, but I am willing to wait, but for how long?

The faster you say it, the easier it is to change your mind after you say it. I've been know to say it after the first time we become intimate. I found that the tension that created from not saying is far more satisfying. Your heart is yearing and longing, hold on to that. After you say it the first 10 times it becomes common and less meaningful.
 
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kat5560 is offline kat5560 Post #14  February 12,2009, 4:12pm
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I_have_the_simplist_of_tastes_,484480 wrote :

maple2, wrote :


If you are in a committed relationship and your partner shows you in his/her actions that he loves you, is it really important for you to hear these words?


I have been dating someone for 6 weeks now and he told me the other day that every time he says the words "I love you", he jinxes that relationship, so he is holding back.


I personally love to hear these words as many times as someone feels comfortable saying them. Now it may be a little too early to say/hear them at 6 weeks, but I am willing to wait, but for how long?





Hi maple2, actually, I would be a little uncomfortable and a lot concerned if after only six weeks someone told me that they "love" me. To know me is to love me ... and it takes a lot longer than six weeks for people to get to truly know one another. I might "adore you" or be "very fond of" but for someone to declare their love would make me concerned about their ability to discern the difference between love and infatuation or fondness. Or someone on the receiving end may take the "he/she loves me" literally, when all too often, a lot of people use the phrase loosely.
i agree. what you feel at 6 weeks is not real love. it may feel like,, but its more like infatuation or chemistry. yes, you have to really know someone to really love them.


i would not tell a man i love him first for the very reasons that steve cam gave. if a man is not ready, it will scare him away before he gets the chance to find out what he really feels.
 
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline glassonlyhalffull_fillit Post #15  February 12,2009, 5:16pm
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WaterHound,484620 wrote :

maple2, wrote :


If you are in a committed relationship and your partner shows you in his/her actions that he loves you, is it really important for you to hear these words?


I have been dating someone for 6 weeks now and he told me the other day that every time he says the words "I love you", he jinxes that relationship, so he is holding back.


I personally love to hear these words as many times as someone feels comfortable saying them. Now it may be a little too early to say/hear them at 6 weeks, but I am willing to wait, but for how long?





I waited for almost a year. I waited bc her actions told me to. Actions spoke louder than words which were there showing heartfelt connection, and they grew over time thus indicating her love for us was deepening. The words finally came out naturally and matched her actions. I say watch his/her actions and the words of acknowledgement will arrive soo enough.
Very well stated.


he/she knows the worse about me and loves me anyway. Nothing better than unconditional love
 
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Muse23 is offline Muse23 Post #16  February 14,2009, 3:41pm
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WaterHound,484620 wrote :
maple2, wrote :

If you are in a committed relationship and your partner shows you in his/her actions that he loves you, is it really important for you to hear these words?


I have been dating someone for 6 weeks now and he told me the other day that every time he says the words "I love you", he jinxes that relationship, so he is holding back.


I personally love to hear these words as many times as someone feels comfortable saying them.* Now it may be a little too early to say/hear them at 6 weeks, but I am willing to wait, but for how long?


*
I waited for almost a year. I waited bc her actions told me to. Actions spoke louder than words which were there showing heartfelt connection, and they grew over time thus indicating her love for us was deepening. The words finally came out naturally and matched her actions. I say watch his/her actions and the words of acknowledgement will arrive soo enough.
The words are magical if all is in place. My first and last (same) "boyfriend" after divorce said the words and I was shocked and couldn't reciprocate. I hurt his feelings...And it was at an airport and I was departing, leaving him with a sad face.
There were feelings for him, but not beyond a certain level. The cues and clues are not visible to me or I cant' "hear" them.
Those 3 words were in my ears for many years & may or may not have been sincere. to me "I Love You" is almost a marriage proposal...I'm so commitment phobic.
Of course I use the words freely with my children and others. In the new arena of dating and partnering....I am not going to be comfortable for a while...mostly because by the time I say the words I'll be in too deep to get out. And my heart will be exposed again. that signifies my healing I suppose...to be able to take the chance.
 
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DearSomeone is offline DearSomeone Post #17  February 15,2009, 12:50am
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maple2, wrote :

If you are in a committed relationship and your partner shows you in his/her actions that he loves you, is it really important for you to hear these words?


I have been dating someone for 6 weeks now and he told me the other day that every time he says the words "I love you", he jinxes that relationship, so he is holding back.


I personally love to hear these words as many times as someone feels comfortable saying them. Now it may be a little too early to say/hear them at 6 weeks, but I am willing to wait, but for how long?

Sometimes it's easier to show someone you love tby actions than actually saying it. It also depends on the past relationships, some people tend to be reserved in the "I love you" dept. But don't worry, if you feel that he loves you, then just be patient...he/she will come around.Don'tpressurehim/her to say it,you'll only get dissappointed!
 
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maple2 is offline maple2 Post #18  February 15,2009, 6:57am
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Muse23,487725 wrote :
The words are magical if all is in place. My first and last (same) "boyfriend" after divorce said the words and I was shocked and couldn't reciprocate. I hurt his feelings...And it was at an airport and I was departing, leaving him with a sad face. There were feelings for him, but not beyond a certain level. The cues and clues are not visible to me or I cant' "hear" them. Those 3 words were in my ears for many years & may or may not have been sincere. to me "I Love You" is almost a marriage proposal...I'm so commitment phobic. Of course I use the words freely with my children and others. In the new arena of dating and partnering....I am not going to be comfortable for a while...mostly because by the time I say the words I'll be in too deep to get out. And my heart will be exposed again. that signifies my healing I suppose...to be able to take the chance.[/quote]

I agree that the words are magical. I would hate if someone used them so much that the words wouldlose their meaning or if they began saying them before it meant something to them. I am looking forward to that moment when one of us would be ready and mean it when saying it.
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #19  February 15,2009, 8:06am
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maple2, wrote :

If you are in a committed relationship and your partner shows you in his/her actions that he loves you, is it really important for you to hear these words?


I have been dating someone for 6 weeks now and he told me the other day that every time he says the words "I love you", he jinxes that relationship, so he is holding back.


I personally love to hear these words as many times as someone feels comfortable saying them. Now it may be a little too early to say/hear them at 6 weeks, but I am willing to wait, but for how long?

Nope...actions speak louder than words.


BTW: Maple...6 weeks? I think that is pushing it a bit. The longer it takes to hear the words, the better it sometimes is to hear them. How many times have we read posts from people who heard these words early in the relationship, only to have their hopes and expectations rudely yanked?


Trust me, it takes me awhile to even think about whether I see a man that way...so whenI finally say "I Love You", I mean it! But it is nowhere near 6 weeks... and sometimesnot even in the6 months range.


Don't push the issue...if he shows you he cares about you, he will say the words you want to hear in his time...not yours. You will only push him away because if you read most of the posts by some of the men on the boards, men don't like it when women bat their eyes and try to force the words from their mouth before they are ready to say it. I knowI don't like it...so why would I expect less from my SO?


Just food for thought....
 
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Chivalryisntdead is offline Chivalryisntdead Post #20  February 17,2009, 5:32am
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friedrice,484671 wrote :

maple2, wrote :


If you are in a committed relationship and your partner shows you in his/her actions that he loves you, is it really important for you to hear these words?


I have been dating someone for 6 weeks now and he told me the other day that every time he says the words "I love you", he jinxes that relationship, so he is holding back.


I personally love to hear these words as many times as someone feels comfortable saying them. Now it may be a little too early to say/hear them at 6 weeks, but I am willing to wait, but for how long?





The faster you say it, the easier it is to change your mind after you say it. I've been know to say it after the first time we become intimate. I found that the tension that created from not saying is far more satisfying. Your heart is yearing and longing, hold on to that. After you say it the first 10 times it becomes common and less meaningful.
I prefer to be in love before intamacy though. At least then theres no heat of the moment issues.
 
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