Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Relationships Relationships: they have their ups and their downs. Share your joy or weather the storm in this discussion board.

Reply
Page 2 of 4 1 2 3 4
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Steve_Cam Steve_Cam is offline
Steve_Cam's Avatar

Steve_Cam is going to clean house

Enthusiast

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 753

See profile

maple2, wrote :

If you are in a committed relationship and your partner shows you in his/her actions that he loves you, is it really important for you to hear these words?


I have been dating someone for 6 weeks now and he told me the other day that every time he says the words "I love you", he jinxes that relationship, so he is holding back.


I personally love to hear these words as many times as someone feels comfortable saying them. Now it may be a little too early to say/hear them at 6 weeks, but I am willing to wait, but for how long?

I dont know how to answer this question because its a struggle for me. I avoid the whole thing, purposefully break dates to avoid the first 'I Love You' or have been known to start a bickerment. Not because I dont like to hear it, but because it is so uncomfortable and it takes the relationship up a notch. I know thats incredibly chickenchit, but its the truth about me.


I dont know about the whole 'Jinxing' the relationship idea. If one of my guy friends told me that id give him some chit and tell him to man up. Most men I know who pull stuff like that are commitophobes(much like myself)


-Steve Cam
- February 12th, 2009, 01:28 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#11   Reply With Quote
WaterHound WaterHound is offline
WaterHound's Avatar

WaterHound is purging all things > 2 yrs old.

Pacesetter

Join Date: Aug 2008

Posts: 275

See profile

maple2, wrote :

If you are in a committed relationship and your partner shows you in his/her actions that he loves you, is it really important for you to hear these words?


I have been dating someone for 6 weeks now and he told me the other day that every time he says the words "I love you", he jinxes that relationship, so he is holding back.


I personally love to hear these words as many times as someone feels comfortable saying them. Now it may be a little too early to say/hear them at 6 weeks, but I am willing to wait, but for how long?

I waited for almost a year. I waited bc her actions told me to. Actions spoke louder than words which were there showing heartfelt connection, and they grew over time thus indicating her love for us was deepening. The words finally came out naturally and matched her actions. I say watch his/her actions and the words of acknowledgement will arrive soo enough.
- February 12th, 2009, 03:03 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#12   Reply With Quote
friedrice friedrice is offline
friedrice's Avatar

friedrice is crazay as usual

Pacesetter

Join Date: Feb 2009

Posts: 300

See profile

maple2, wrote :

If you are in a committed relationship and your partner shows you in his/her actions that he loves you, is it really important for you to hear these words?


I have been dating someone for 6 weeks now and he told me the other day that every time he says the words "I love you", he jinxes that relationship, so he is holding back.


I personally love to hear these words as many times as someone feels comfortable saying them. Now it may be a little too early to say/hear them at 6 weeks, but I am willing to wait, but for how long?

The faster you say it, the easier it is to change your mind after you say it. I've been know to say it after the first time we become intimate. I found that the tension that created from not saying is far more satisfying. Your heart is yearing and longing, hold on to that. After you say it the first 10 times it becomes common and less meaningful.
- February 12th, 2009, 03:34 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#13   Reply With Quote
kat5560 kat5560 is offline
kat5560's Avatar

Pacesetter

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 345

See profile

I_have_the_simplist_of_tastes_ wrote :

maple2, wrote :


If you are in a committed relationship and your partner shows you in his/her actions that he loves you, is it really important for you to hear these words?


I have been dating someone for 6 weeks now and he told me the other day that every time he says the words "I love you", he jinxes that relationship, so he is holding back.


I personally love to hear these words as many times as someone feels comfortable saying them. Now it may be a little too early to say/hear them at 6 weeks, but I am willing to wait, but for how long?





Hi maple2, actually, I would be a little uncomfortable and a lot concerned if after only six weeks someone told me that they "love" me. To know me is to love me ... and it takes a lot longer than six weeks for people to get to truly know one another. I might "adore you" or be "very fond of" but for someone to declare their love would make me concerned about their ability to discern the difference between love and infatuation or fondness. Or someone on the receiving end may take the "he/she loves me" literally, when all too often, a lot of people use the phrase loosely.
i agree. what you feel at 6 weeks is not real love. it may feel like,, but its more like infatuation or chemistry. yes, you have to really know someone to really love them.


i would not tell a man i love him first for the very reasons that steve cam gave. if a man is not ready, it will scare him away before he gets the chance to find out what he really feels.
- February 12th, 2009, 05:12 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#14   Reply With Quote
glassonlyhalffull_fillit glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline
glassonlyhalffull_fillit's Avatar

glassonlyhalffull_fillit Love being part of two again

Veteran

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 2,015

See profile

WaterHound wrote :

maple2, wrote :


If you are in a committed relationship and your partner shows you in his/her actions that he loves you, is it really important for you to hear these words?


I have been dating someone for 6 weeks now and he told me the other day that every time he says the words "I love you", he jinxes that relationship, so he is holding back.


I personally love to hear these words as many times as someone feels comfortable saying them. Now it may be a little too early to say/hear them at 6 weeks, but I am willing to wait, but for how long?





I waited for almost a year. I waited bc her actions told me to. Actions spoke louder than words which were there showing heartfelt connection, and they grew over time thus indicating her love for us was deepening. The words finally came out naturally and matched her actions. I say watch his/her actions and the words of acknowledgement will arrive soo enough.
Very well stated.


he/she knows the worse about me and loves me anyway. Nothing better than unconditional love
- February 12th, 2009, 06:16 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#15   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Muse23 Muse23 is offline
Muse23's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 22

See profile

WaterHound wrote :
maple2, wrote :

If you are in a committed relationship and your partner shows you in his/her actions that he loves you, is it really important for you to hear these words?


I have been dating someone for 6 weeks now and he told me the other day that every time he says the words "I love you", he jinxes that relationship, so he is holding back.


I personally love to hear these words as many times as someone feels comfortable saying them.* Now it may be a little too early to say/hear them at 6 weeks, but I am willing to wait, but for how long?


*
I waited for almost a year. I waited bc her actions told me to. Actions spoke louder than words which were there showing heartfelt connection, and they grew over time thus indicating her love for us was deepening. The words finally came out naturally and matched her actions. I say watch his/her actions and the words of acknowledgement will arrive soo enough.
The words are magical if all is in place. My first and last (same) "boyfriend" after divorce said the words and I was shocked and couldn't reciprocate. I hurt his feelings...And it was at an airport and I was departing, leaving him with a sad face.
There were feelings for him, but not beyond a certain level. The cues and clues are not visible to me or I cant' "hear" them.
Those 3 words were in my ears for many years & may or may not have been sincere. to me "I Love You" is almost a marriage proposal...I'm so commitment phobic.
Of course I use the words freely with my children and others. In the new arena of dating and partnering....I am not going to be comfortable for a while...mostly because by the time I say the words I'll be in too deep to get out. And my heart will be exposed again. that signifies my healing I suppose...to be able to take the chance.
- February 14th, 2009, 04:41 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#16   Reply With Quote
DearSomeone DearSomeone is offline
DearSomeone's Avatar

DearSomeone is blessed!

Quick Study

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 102

See profile

maple2, wrote :

If you are in a committed relationship and your partner shows you in his/her actions that he loves you, is it really important for you to hear these words?


I have been dating someone for 6 weeks now and he told me the other day that every time he says the words "I love you", he jinxes that relationship, so he is holding back.


I personally love to hear these words as many times as someone feels comfortable saying them. Now it may be a little too early to say/hear them at 6 weeks, but I am willing to wait, but for how long?

Sometimes it's easier to show someone you love tby actions than actually saying it. It also depends on the past relationships, some people tend to be reserved in the "I love you" dept. But don't worry, if you feel that he loves you, then just be patient...he/she will come around.Don'tpressurehim/her to say it,you'll only get dissappointed!
- February 15th, 2009, 01:50 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#17   Reply With Quote
maple2 maple2 is offline
maple2's Avatar

maple2 missed this group

Quick Study

Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 84

See profile

Muse23 wrote :
The words are magical if all is in place. My first and last (same) "boyfriend" after divorce said the words and I was shocked and couldn't reciprocate. I hurt his feelings...And it was at an airport and I was departing, leaving him with a sad face. There were feelings for him, but not beyond a certain level. The cues and clues are not visible to me or I cant' "hear" them. Those 3 words were in my ears for many years & may or may not have been sincere. to me "I Love You" is almost a marriage proposal...I'm so commitment phobic. Of course I use the words freely with my children and others. In the new arena of dating and partnering....I am not going to be comfortable for a while...mostly because by the time I say the words I'll be in too deep to get out. And my heart will be exposed again. that signifies my healing I suppose...to be able to take the chance.[/quote]

I agree that the words are magical. I would hate if someone used them so much that the words wouldlose their meaning or if they began saying them before it meant something to them. I am looking forward to that moment when one of us would be ready and mean it when saying it.


- February 15th, 2009, 07:57 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#18   Reply With Quote
legend29 legend29 is offline
legend29's Avatar

legend29 is looking for a loophole....

Virtuoso

Join Date: Aug 2008

Posts: 2,571

See profile

maple2, wrote :

If you are in a committed relationship and your partner shows you in his/her actions that he loves you, is it really important for you to hear these words?


I have been dating someone for 6 weeks now and he told me the other day that every time he says the words "I love you", he jinxes that relationship, so he is holding back.


I personally love to hear these words as many times as someone feels comfortable saying them. Now it may be a little too early to say/hear them at 6 weeks, but I am willing to wait, but for how long?

Nope...actions speak louder than words.


BTW: Maple...6 weeks? I think that is pushing it a bit. The longer it takes to hear the words, the better it sometimes is to hear them. How many times have we read posts from people who heard these words early in the relationship, only to have their hopes and expectations rudely yanked?


Trust me, it takes me awhile to even think about whether I see a man that way...so whenI finally say "I Love You", I mean it! But it is nowhere near 6 weeks... and sometimesnot even in the6 months range.


Don't push the issue...if he shows you he cares about you, he will say the words you want to hear in his time...not yours. You will only push him away because if you read most of the posts by some of the men on the boards, men don't like it when women bat their eyes and try to force the words from their mouth before they are ready to say it. I knowI don't like it...so why would I expect less from my SO?


Just food for thought....
- February 15th, 2009, 09:06 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#19   Reply With Quote
Chivalryisntdead Chivalryisntdead is offline
Chivalryisntdead's Avatar

Chivalryisntdead Live to Serve

Newbie

Join Date: Feb 2009

Posts: 43

See profile

friedrice wrote :

maple2, wrote :


If you are in a committed relationship and your partner shows you in his/her actions that he loves you, is it really important for you to hear these words?


I have been dating someone for 6 weeks now and he told me the other day that every time he says the words "I love you", he jinxes that relationship, so he is holding back.


I personally love to hear these words as many times as someone feels comfortable saying them. Now it may be a little too early to say/hear them at 6 weeks, but I am willing to wait, but for how long?





The faster you say it, the easier it is to change your mind after you say it. I've been know to say it after the first time we become intimate. I found that the tension that created from not saying is far more satisfying. Your heart is yearing and longing, hold on to that. After you say it the first 10 times it becomes common and less meaningful.
I prefer to be in love before intamacy though. At least then theres no heat of the moment issues.
- February 17th, 2009, 06:32 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#20   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 2 of 4 1 2 3 4

Bookmarks

« Boyfriend Sneaking off to Bars??? | Array | Men are looking for clever women, Ladies -men for family »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Maybe I'm missing something too, but I had closed my match and she finally asked to reopen...but looks like if you've closed somebody before you can't reopen it as a non-paying member. Not that it ... ” – PY_2

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“hmm. well, i've got a nasty streak of religiosity. as in, i believe chastity is not only for the unmarried. do i qualify? anyways, i'd say it's hard to talk about "advantages." being religious is, ... ” – lil_lamb

Join the “Gods will and sex vs abstinence for older folks” discussion

“I went on a short ( 4 nights 5 days) cruise to Alaska (we couldn't see Russia though) with someone I was dating/a lover last year.We were able to take our own booze BTW and there were smoking and non ... ” – RoxyRedhead

Join the “Is a Cruise a good Date?” discussion

“Each person has his or her own set of correct behaviors, depending on their age, rearing, socio-economic status, religious inclination, financial ability etc etc etc.We can't and shouldn't attempt to ... ” – RoxyRedhead

Join the “Ethical Considerations In Dating Multiple People” discussion

“This is one of those discussions where it is difficult to have a rational and logical exchange because emotions take over. I think what is being missed the most is that the real problem here is that ... ” – waltercl

Join the “Frustrated & Confused: Is He A Sexual Addict???” discussion

“I see it too, ScottK. I also get a kick out of the fact that you got one star for this thread and I believe it is probably because you dared to mention that you are not liberal. lol!! So much for the ... ” – bigfincat

Join the “Hypocritical Match?” discussion

“Don't worry, you'll get your chance! If you marry a family man and have children with him, by the time you are in your forties, you will have all of the power. The older you get the more power you ... ” – neardc

Join the “Men Have All the Power” discussion

“Hi madewar..I know exactly what you are writing about.Having been married and divorced in after 10 years, then married to a real 'soul partner' and and then widowed at 61, I have little or no desire ... ” – RoxyRedhead

Join the “Seniors have different needs” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:41 am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0