really confused on whether or not I should do this

I met a girl on eharmony about 5 months about 5 months ago. I'm almost 26, she was my first serious girlfriend. Bascially we talked on the phone a few times and a week later me up for dinner (we live about an hour apart). We didn't totally click on the first date, but we gave it another shot and after a couple we really had a good chemistry between us.


Our relationship moved somewhat fast, even though we only saw each other mainly on weekends. We pretty much alternated weekends being in each other's cities. Since it was an hour drive, we made things simple by the other one just staying over at each other's apartments (and yes we slept in the same bed). So everything was going great for a few months, we even told each other we loved each other (everyday).


By mid November we were spending pretty much all of our weekends together, and a few weeknights here and there. We started going out with her friends more and more as our relationship continued. I'm a pretty shy guy around people I don't know, so I wasn't as social as I would have liked to be around her friends and parents. She had mentioned a couple times she wishes I was more talkative around them, but I didn't think it was a huge big deal.


So at one point a few weeks ago I basically was working near the city she lives in, so I stayed at her house 9 out of the 12 days I was there. My last day working in that city I got an e-mail from her saying she'd been thinking about this for a long time and she tried to talk to me about a few things here and there and she didn't think it went very well. She said she had been feeling early on in the relationship that we might be too incompatible (she never said this to me before and I never got that impression). She said it was "all on her" and she just shouldn't be dating right now and needs to work on some things that she should have taken care of before she started dating. She wouldn't say specifically what was going on (I know of a few personal problems she was dealing with, but nothing involving us). She insisted it was nothing I did/didn't do. We were together for about 4 1/2 months. We didn't fight about a single thing, so this break up came out of absolutly no where to me. She never mentioned she felt we were a little too incompatible. I know she's a lot more outgoing than me, but I really felt that was what made our relationship so great. Part of me thinks she's just saying this because she didn't wanna say I might have been too reserved around her friends. And if she felt this way, why did she say she loved me?


She still wants to be friends, so I don't think it involves another guy. Basically I think my shyness is playing a big factor in this and she just doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I told her I felt this way but she's still insisting this isn't it. She did say she wants to stay friends and said that maybe our paths would cross again in the future and everything would be the same...or maybe it would be different. She just said she didn't want me to wait around for her because she feels there's a lot out there for me to experience and maybe someone better to spend it with. She wanted me to take time and figure out the type of girl I wanted to spend my life with. She told me she felt she may not be ready for the next step. We did talk a lot about the future (she brought some of it up to), but I never proposed or anything.


So since this has happened we are still communicating everyday (via e-mail) and our relationship (at least through e-mail) doesn't feel a whole lot different.


I just feel that she is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. I've never felt more like myself around anyone else. I really want to try and get her back. She said she just needs some time, but I feel like if she was going through some stuff she would want her boyfriend to be there for her. I've talked to a couple guys about this and one of them suggested I send her flowers on Valentine's day. So I decided to do this.


I'm sending he a bouquet of her favorite kind, with the following message on the card:


Happy Valentine's Day! I just want you to
know that you are still very special to me.
I'll always be there for you, even if you
just need someone to talk to when times get
tough. I wish you the best as you work on
everything you're going through right now,
and just know that I'm right here when the
time is right.


You truly are the girl of my dreams.


Love, (me)


------------


Basically I want to tell her that I want to be there for her, and I truly love her and care about her. I know the last line is a little cheesy, but I truly feel this way (and it's more about her as a person than anything else). She said I was the man of her dreams a few times in our relationship as well. I know this might be coming on strong and could be a turnoff. But she said she didn't want to hold me back when there could be someone else out there for me. But like I said, I truly feel we are supposed to be together, and I just want to make sure she knows that.


So what I'm asking is, is this a good idea to send flowers with this message or does anyone have any ideas on how I can modify it? I'm really leaning towards following through with this.* I just don't know if I should delete that "you truly are the girl of my dreams" line.


I guess I'm just really confused about why it ended as well. Like I said, we never fought about anything and I know she enjoyed spending time with me as much as I enjoyed spending time with her.


If she broke up with my purely because of something she's going through (like she is insisting), then is this a good idea to let her know I still love her? She did also say she "has nothing to offer and i feel like I shouldn't be dating right now". I also just kind of think that maybe she feels that I felt she might not be the right girl for me. She said she wanted me to meet a girl who is "on the same page as you and compatible with you". It almost sounds like she thought I didn't like some things about her. She said this was a very difficult decision for her to make.


Any advice/opinions (especially from other females) is greatly appreciated.* Thank you and sorry for the long post.

Basically I have 2 options with dealing with this.


1. Move on and try to forget about her (which is very difficult cause I feel she's the one for me). Plus if I do just stop talking to her I'll always wonder the rest of my life if she really did just need some time and would have eventually been ready for me again.


2. Send these flowers to find out where I stand. If I get rejected again it will hurt, but then at least I'll know it's truly over and it will be easier to accept moving on and trying to forget about her.


If it brings her closer than that's great too. I just want her to know I do care about her and this will be a good way to find out how she really feels about me.

I've talked about it with my mom and sister. I'm gonna send the flowers, but I'm gonn leave off the last line about me being right here for her when the time is right. This way I'm showing I genuinely care about her, but I'm not pushing her to come back to me. I don't think it will do any harm, and if anything it should help me get a better understanding of how she REALLY feels about me. Thanks for all the advice.

Frankly, this has all the signs and symptoms of a rebound relationship ...do you know when her last relationship broke up?* Fast pace, short lived, no conflict ...slap a "perfect" on there and we'd have a winner.


"She said it was 'all on her'..." - This is just another variation of "it's not you, it's me" excuse.* It's likely not the real reason and you will likely never know what the real reason is.


"She still wants to be friends..." - And, here's why ...because if you are 'friends', that means you like her ...if you like her then you don't hate her ...if you don't hate her, she doesn't feel guilty about breaking up with you.* Bottom line is, if you don't feel like you can*listen to her tell you, "I'm having absolutely amazing incredible sex with this guy I met on Friday" ...then you can't be her friend!!* You do not ...do not ...do not*want to buy*a ticket on the 'friends' rollercoaster with an ex ...it's the express ride to emotional he11.


"...so I don't think it involves another guy."*- In my experience, it always involves another guy, if not literally, then there's a target painted on some guy's back.


She broke up with you, doesn't want you to wait around for her, even suggested that you go find another girl ...it's over.*


I'm sorry, it happens to everyone at some point.* The best thing you can do now is to cut all contact with her, do not -for the love of all that is holy- send those flowers with that "I'm here if you want to wipe your feet on my face" note, and move on as best you can.


Just listen to Uncle Bikerbeagle ...but I know you won't.

Groan.......she did tell you what the deal is - she does not like you. Here is the translation from womanspeak (I may get lynched for breaking the female code but...):


1) She said that she felt early on that we were incompatable - means she was never really that attracted to you but you were passable, she was lonely, her LTR ended recently, you chased after her - you made for a nice temprary distraction to her problems.


2) She should not be dating, is too busy dealing with other things - I don't want to see you again, I want you out of my life, you have become a problem I don't want to allocate my time to, everything else in my life is more important than you


3) She insisted that it's nothing I did/didn't do - fairly literal - she does not like you for who you areand there is nothing that you can do about it


4) She still wants to be friends - a) softening the blow; b)she thinks overall you are a nice guy and she feels guilty for having used you and dumped you so softening the blow; c) giving you time to wean yourself off her d)she really does not mean that and hopes you'll stop contacting her e)if you are really emotional she may be....eh, it'ssoftening the blow


5) She does not want you to wait around for her - the break up is final, it's over, it's permanent, she does not want you back, this is not a break up make up game - finished, done, the end, take a hike and don't come back


6) She thinks you need a different girl - get away from me, focus on someone else, anyone else other than me, leave me alone and move on, I really really don't like you, you just don't do it for me, we are completely and utterly incompatible in my eyes


7) She is just not ready for the next step - I don't like you


Everything that she said to you is a pretty typical line in the break up conversation where she is trying to politely convey to you that she does not like you and wants you out of her life. So for crying out loud save yourself some dignity and honor her wish. Stop e-mailing her and do not send her the flowers. She KNOWS how you feel, she really does. She knows what she wants and it's not you. You are so wrapped up in how you feel and what you think and what you want and how you see things, that you are oblivious tothe reality of your relationship and what was really going on. Call it love goggles to be kind.


You sending her flowers is you trying to guilt her into seeing you again - really dude, just let her go. Just because you think she is perfect for you, does not mean that she thinks you are perfect for her and she really has tried hard to get that across to you not just during the break up conversation but, according to your post, in previous conversations as well - you have simply been oblivious to that and you still are.Sorry for being harsh but this is coming from the "I've been on her side of the fence" perspective and there is really nothing worse than a guy who just won't let go, especially when the guy is nice but simply not right for you.

Groan.......she did tell you what the deal is - she does not like you. Here is the translation from womanspeak (I may get lynched for breaking the female code but...):


1) She said that she felt early on that we were incompatable - means she was never really that attracted to you but you were passable, she was lonely, her LTR ended recently, you chased after her - you made for a nice temprary distraction to her problems.


2) She should not be dating, is too busy dealing with other things - I don't want to see you again, I want you out of my life, you have become a problem I don't want to allocate my time to, everything else in my life is more important than you


3) She insisted that it's nothing I did/didn't do - fairly literal - she does not like you for who you areand there is nothing that you can do about it


4) She still wants to be friends - a) softening the blow; b)she thinks overall you are a nice guy and she feels guilty for having used you and dumped you so softening the blow; c) giving you time to wean yourself off her d)she really does not mean that and hopes you'll stop contacting her e)if you are really emotional she may be....eh, it'ssoftening the blow


5) She does not want you to wait around for her - the break up is final, it's over, it's permanent, she does not want you back, this is not a break up make up game - finished, done, the end, take a hike and don't come back


6) She thinks you need a different girl - get away from me, focus on someone else, anyone else other than me, leave me alone and move on, I really really don't like you, you just don't do it for me, we are completely and utterly incompatible in my eyes


7) She is just not ready for the next step - I don't like you


Everything that she said to you is a pretty typical line in the break up conversation where she is trying to politely convey to you that she does not like you and wants you out of her life. So for crying out loud save yourself some dignity and honor her wish. Stop e-mailing her and do not send her the flowers. She KNOWS how you feel, she really does. She knows what she wants and it's not you. You are so wrapped up in how you feel and what you think and what you want and how you see things, that you are oblivious tothe reality of your relationship and what was really going on. Call it love goggles to be kind.


You sending her flowers is you trying to guilt her into seeing you again - really dude, just let her go. Just because you think she is perfect for you, does not mean that she thinks you are perfect for her and she really has tried hard to get that across to you not just during the break up conversation but, according to your post, in previous conversations as well - you have simply been oblivious to that and you still are.Sorry for being harsh but this is coming from the "I've been on her side of the fence" perspective and there is really nothing worse than a guy who just won't let go, especially when the guy is nice but simply not right for you.

I think this says it all. AND it's from a woman's perspective.