physical attraction or emotional attraction??


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glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline glassonlyhalffull_fillit Post #11  February 5,2009, 10:53am
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Love being part of two again

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P.S (sigh)


KatI just read an old thread of yours under 'relationships' dated Jan 25th,titled "what if...." In that you basically said your relationship is likely ending, but you're afraid to be alone and start over, and you were entertaining the idea of beginning an eHarmony profile... Pretty much everyone advised against this.


IMO It seems obvious to me you and your bf need to communicate honestly
 
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kat5560 is offline kat5560 Post #12  February 5,2009, 11:39am
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit,472462 wrote :

P.S (sigh)


KatI just read an old thread of yours under 'relationships' dated Jan 25th,titled "what if...." In that you basically said your relationship is likely ending, but you're afraid to be alone and start over, and you were entertaining the idea of beginning an eHarmony profile... Pretty much everyone advised against this.


IMO It seems obvious to me you and your bf need to communicate honestly
I CAME HERE AT A TIME THAT I WAS SO FRUSTRATED AND GETTING READY TO END IT. BUT IT WAS BECAUSE OF THAT, THAT WE HAVE REALLY BEEN TALKING AND COMMUNICATING WITH EACH OTHER. I HAVE KIND OF BEEN GOING THROUGH ALL THIS WITH YOU GUYS STEP BY STEP AS I AM GOING THROUGH THE CHANGING EMOTIONS OF EACH DAY. AND I SO APPRECIATE THE HELP I AM GETTING. BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN PULLING YOU ALL INTO ALL MY OF MY OWN EMOTIONS, I DONT THINK YOU HAVE GIVENYOU A CLEAR PICTURE OF HIS PERCEPTION OF ALL OF THIS.


IF HE WERE HERE TELLING HIS SIDE OF THE STORY IT WOULD GO LIKE THIS. I WAS MARRIED FOR 30 YEARS AND DEVASTATED OVER THE END OF MY MARRIAGE. WHEN I MET MY CURRENT GIRLFRIEND IT WAS THE BEST THING I EVER HAD IN MY LIFE. SHE WAS WONDERFUL. BUT I WAS TORN OVER CARING FOR HER AND NOT BEING HEALED FROM MY PAST. IT WAS TO SOON FOR ME TO BE IN ANY RELATIONSHIP AND I KNOW THAT NOW. IT WOULD NOT HAVE MATTERED WHO IT WAS,, I WAS JUST NOT READY. BUT MY GIRLFRIEND BEGAN PUSHING ME FOR AN ANSWER AND A COMMITMENT IN OUR 3RD YEAR AND I WAS NOT READY. I FELT LIKE SOMETHING WAS WRONG OR MISSING BUT DID NOT KNOW WHAT IT WAS. I WENT TO A THEREAPIST WHO SUGGESTTED I START MEETING OTHER WOMEN AND SHE TOLD ME THIS WOULD HELP ME. I WAS IN SO MUCH TERMOIL THAT I AGREED. SHE HAD ME MEET A WOMEN THAT LOOKED SO MUCH LIKE MY EX WIFE. I FELT A STRONG ATTRACTION TO HER AND FELT REALLY GOOD HAVING SOMEONE LIKE THAT NOT REJECTING ME (LIKE MY WIFE DID). I REALIZE "NOW" THAT IT WAS NOT SO MUCH THIS WOMEN I WAS FEELING ATTRACTTED TO, BUT RATHER SEEING THE GHOST OF MY EX WIFE. "AT THE TIME" I THOUGHT IF I FELT SO MUCH ATTRACTION TO THIS WOMEN IT MUST MEAN THAT I SHOULD NOT BE WITH MY GIRLFRIEND.I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE IT WAS HOW DIFFERENT THEY LOOKED THAT WAS MY PROBLEM (BECAUSE I COULDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT ELSE IT WOULD BE SINCE EVERYTHING ELSE WAS PERFECT). I ALSO WAS GETTING ALOT OF "ENCOURAGMENT" FROM THIS THERAPIST (WHO I NOW KNOW WAS BEING UNETHICAL AND WRONG), BUT AT THE TIME I TRUSTED HER. I REALLY DID NOT FEEL "AT THE TIME" THAT I WAS CHEATING BECAUSE ALL I WAS DOING WAS GOING TO TALK TO THIS WOMEN SO I COULD FIGURE OUT MY FEELING AND WHAT MY PROBLEM WAS. (I KNOW BETTER NOW, AND I FEEL HORRIBLE AND FEEL SO REGRETFUL THAT I HURT MY GIRLFRIEND).I FELT LIKE I HAD TO FIGURE OUT MY FEELINGS SOMEHOW BECAUSE I DID NOT WANT TO HER WHAT MY EX WIFE DID TO ME. I DID NOT WANT TOMAKE A WRONG DECSION ABOUT US AND REALIZE LATER IN LIFE I WAS WRONG.AFTER I HAD BEGUN TO SORT OUT MY FEELINGS AND REALIZE THAT MY PROBLEM WAS THAT I JUST WANSNT READY BEFORE! I THINK I WAS ALWAYS IN LOVE WITH MY GIRLFRIEND AND JUST COULD NOT SEE IT AT THE TIME. WE HAVE HAD A REAL HARD TIME IN THE LAST 2 YEARS BECAUSE OF THIS AND I STILL LOVE HER AND WANT TO MARRY HER BUT SHE HAS DOUT ABOUT MY FEELINGS NOW. WE HAVE NOT HAD MUCH OF A RELATIONSHIP IN THE LAST 2 YEARS AND I STILL FIND MYSELF FEELING LIKE SHE IS THE ONE FOR ME (IF ONLLY SHE COULD BELEIVE AND GET BACK TO HOW WE USE TO BE). THE WHOLE THING WITH HER HAVING A DIFFERENT LOOK AND ALL THAT STUPID STUFF DOES NOT MATTER ANYMORE. SHE IS VERY DIFFERENT THAN MY EX WIFE OR THIS OTHER WOMEN THAT I WAS TALKING TO THAT RESEMBLED MY EX WIFE. SHE HAS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT LOOK THAT I WAS NOT ACCUSTUME TO SINCE I HAD SPENT 30 YEARS WITH MY WIFE. SO I EXPLAIN TO HER THAT MY ATTRACTION IS "DIFFERENT" THAN IT WAS FOR THEM,,, BUT THAT WHAT I FEEL HER IS "BETTER".


OK, "IF" IT WAS HIM TALKING THIS IS WHAT HE WOULD HE BE SAYING TO YOU GUYS. SO HOPEFULLY YOU WILL SEE BOTH SIDES OF THE STORY. SOO,,,,,,,,,, OPINIONS????
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #13  February 5,2009, 11:51am
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They each go hand in hand. You can't have one without the other.
 
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline glassonlyhalffull_fillit Post #14  February 5,2009, 12:11pm
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Well then Kat it sounds like he is expressing he NOW feels both physically and emotionally attracted to you. So what is your question now? If you want us to tell you 'sure trust him and marry him" ......only you can decide. Might I suggest you attend therapy TOGETHER?
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #15  February 5,2009, 1:28pm
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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Here's what I got out of that wall of text ...
[*]you got drawn into a rebound relationship, [*]he dropped you like a hot potato for another woman, [*]that relationship didn't work out for some reason,[*]now he wants to come running back to good ol' reliable.[/list]

Everything else is just cat chow.


In my opinion, you are 2nd choice and he'll do it all to you again.Oh, right now, you might seem to be 1st choice, but that's only because 1) he wants something from you or 2) he has no other current options. Let a nice, attractive ex-lookalike come walking by with a smile and you'll see nothing but his dust trail.
 
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bluenme is offline bluenme Post #16  February 5,2009, 1:32pm
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just wondering what gues thru some people's minds

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Hi Kat. I'm new here and just read through the whole thread. My first reaction to what you think your beau would say is that itsway too many words. I haven't met too many men who go through all that thought processing and still include their ex-wife in their rationalizing. (Sorry, don't mean to offend anyone.)


You seem to be doubtful of the relationship and 3 years seems a bit much to get over an ex while involved with you. And how could a therapist gethim to meet his ex's clone? (Maybe I misunderstood)


I hope you don't think I am being cold hearted or mean, I just wanted to give you my take on your situation through the eyes of a newcomer.


I think you need tofollow your gut feeling, not your heart. I wish you the best.
 
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WaterHound is offline WaterHound Post #17  February 5,2009, 1:37pm
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For me, physical attraction get you together, emotional attraction keep you together.
 
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kat5560 is offline kat5560 Post #18  February 5,2009, 2:10pm
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kat5560,472372 wrote :

p.s and here is another thought too. what happens when you have been together for years and your getting older,,, 50s, 60s and your losing your looks. you may have had intense physical attraction for this women when she was young and hot looking,, but now she is getting older and shriveled up (ha ha),, but obviously not looking as good on the outside. i assume your not going to have the have the same physical attraction at that point. do you now only see her as a friend because you only feel emotional attraction? what would be so different about "this" than our original topic?? if you would feel good about this with your "old lady" then why is it so difficult to feel good about it when we are younger? interesting, no?
PLEASE FORGIVE THE CAPITOL LETTRS AGAIN. I ALWAYS TYPE IN CAPITOLS AND FORGOT TO TAKE IT OFF AGAIN.


((ANY THOUGHTS ABOUT WHAT I HAD WRITTEN HERE IN THE ABOVE THREAD??))


I REALLY DID NOT WANT TO GET BACK INTO THE TOPICS ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP (BECAUSE ALTHOUGH THOUGH I APPRECIATE THE HELP AND OPINONS, I FEEL THAT I NEED TO WORK THIS PART OUT FOR MYSELF NOW. I DO WELCOME ANY OPINONS BUT I MEANT THIS THREAD TO BE A TOPIC ABOUT EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION VERSUS PHYSICAL ATTRACTION AND IF THE EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION ALONE CAN BE GOOD IF THE PYSICAL ATTRACTION IS NOT "EXTREMELY" STRONG. I WANTED TO SEE WHAT OTHERS OPINONS ON "THIS" WAS AND HERE OTHER PEOPLES EXPIERNCE ON THIS. I WOULD REALLY LOVE TO HEAR SOME OPINONS ON THE PART ABOUT GETTING OLDER TOGETHER. AND AGIAN, THANKS FOR ALL YOUR HELP. IT DOES HELP ME TO BE HEAR TALKING TO PEOPLE.
 
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kat5560 is offline kat5560 Post #19  February 5,2009, 2:46pm
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and staying with topic of the thread............. how many of the women reading this feel like if a beautiful model walked into the room that her boyfriend would feel more physical attraction to the model? how many men feel that they would or would not be more physically attractted the model than to his girlfriend? and like i was saying before,,, when you get old and lose any looks you had, is the relationship not just then based on the emotions rather than the physical that brought you together? and if any of these were true for you, would you find yourself not feeling good in the relationship or or maybe even turning to someone else?


in my opinion it "is" hurtful if a man is notstrongly attractted to you in "that way",, but what about a mans point of view?. if he is feeling a strong connection toyou that makes him feel good and happy, does that make the physical attraction grow for him? isnt that what getting old together is all about??
 
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Bandmate is offline Bandmate Post #20  February 5,2009, 3:23pm

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An emotional attachment requires time,if i have no physical attraction to a woman there won't be any time for an emotional attachment.
 
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