Is he really "that" into me?


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
ds_in_california is offline ds_in_california Post #1  February 3,2009, 7:10pm
ds_in_califor…'s Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Feb 2009

Posts: 5

See profile



OK - here's the problem: I've been in a relationship for almost a year. Everything is great, we get along great, kids get along great, I feel great. We spend weekends together when the kids are away and weekend days toegther whenwe have the kids.We talk about the future and discuss what house we will buy, where we will live, vacations we would take.Forall Ican tell, we are going to spend the rest of our lives together and that makes me very happy.


So your asking, where's the problem? It's simple.His timeline for marriageis 2-3 years from now andmine is muchcloser. We are both previoulsy married and in our 40's. No biologoical clock is ticking and we both do just fine on our own.Only, Ihave been single for 8 years and am ready to take the next step. He is more relaxed and in no hurry. I am fairly conservative and will not co-mingle the kids for over nights untilwearemarried. The thought of thatdrive homeeach Saturday night,going to bed alone, andonly looking forward to the next weekend rather than that night for the next two years just makesme shiver.


I did have a bad experinece with my ex where he waffled back and forth for years before he finally decided to leave. Obvioulsy, that situation didnot end well and I guess I am just affraid ofspending the next few years waiting for somethingthat may never happen.By no means do I want to push the situation. He makes valid points - wants to make sure, doesn't take marriage lightly, affraid ofjumping too fast, ect. I understand. I just can't help but wonder if he is "not that intome" and is simply living in the moment rather than thinking about a future.


So, how do Itellhim about my feelings without sounding like I am pressuring himinto marriage? The last things I want are for him to run because I pressured him or worse yet, commit just because I whinned a bit. Does this make sense? I've hadmarriage proposals in the past and turned them down (for various reasons). I know that I am not simply looking for that ring on my finger.I am so affraid of loosinga good thing from being impatient or and just as affraid waisting my time waiting on something that will naver happen. Any advise?
 
  Reply With Quote
I_have_the_simplist_of_tastes_ is offline I_have_the_simplist_of_tastes_ Post #2  February 3,2009, 7:15pm
I_have_the_si…'s Avatar

The last(ing) embrace...unearthed in the ruins of Pompeii

Pacesetter

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 352

See profile



Hmmmm, usually two years is adequate time to date and have an engagement prior to marriage. It sounds like you both have the same goals and are good for the commitment. I would suggest that perhaps pre-marital counseling may be needed so as to come to a better understanding and compromise.
 
  Reply With Quote
EMTZ is offline EMTZ Post #3  February 3,2009, 7:21pm
EMTZ's Avatar

has quickly adapted back to her lazy lifestyle

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2007

Posts: 2,553

See profile



So if it seems that you are going to spend the rest of your lives together and there is no biological clock ticking, what exactly do you want from a marriage in one year rather than a committed relationship now where everything else seems to be great and perhaps marriage two years later?


From your post, it does not seem that you believe that sex should only be after marriage, so that does not seem to be a reason for you wanting marriage rather than a happy committed relationship for now.


I personally believe (more) happiness should be the main goal from a relationship, which often has nothing to do with marriage. What do you think can go wrong from not getting married sooner with someone who makes you happy now in your situation? Whereas I can see how complicated things will be if somehow you find out that you two are seriously incompatible after you marry him after being together for one year.
 
  Reply With Quote
ds_in_california is offline ds_in_california Post #4  February 3,2009, 7:28pm
ds_in_califor…'s Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Feb 2009

Posts: 5

See profile



I agree with both of you so far. Why get married? I think it has more to do with tha time we are apart than the time we are together. Overnight sitters are not always easy to come by and it sometimes seems like forever betweentime alone.I am fairly old fashioned and enjoythe benifits that go along with marriage. The world is moving so faraway from that "ideal" that I am not sure it will ever return.
 
  Reply With Quote
robv_la is offline robv_la Post #5  February 3,2009, 7:44pm
robv_la's Avatar

Looking forward to another snow season

Veteran

Joined: Aug 2008

Long Beach, CA

Posts: 1,333

See profile



A year is not too long to wait before thinking seriously about marriage. Here's already told you he's not ready now and wants to wait 2-3 years from now. You've already said you don't want to pressure him into marriage so then the choice is obvious.


You can wait another 6 months and pick his brain on the subject. You can give him a timeline you wait until and then when it's up leave if he doesn'tpropose. Or you can just leave now.


Personally, I think you should stay with him and ease up on the marriage thing...for now. Nothing pushes a man away from marriage more than pressure from the woman to propose. Then you aim at making your life and his as wonderful as possible. Enjoy all the time you spend with him and he will enjoy it too. After that, he may realize he actually doesn't want to wait, that he loves you and your life together that he will propose.
 
  Reply With Quote
ds_in_california is offline ds_in_california Post #6  February 3,2009, 7:55pm
ds_in_califor…'s Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Feb 2009

Posts: 5

See profile



Wow - that's great! That is exactly what my head is saying. My heart is the impatient one. Thank-you!
 
  Reply With Quote
BrownIkid is offline BrownIkid Post #7  February 4,2009, 7:49am

is at his hottea's!!! crib

Unregistered

Joined: Jan 2009

UC, Texas

Posts: 102

See profile



if he put up with your cr ap for a year... then he's into you
 
  Reply With Quote
gr8guy is offline gr8guy Post #8  February 4,2009, 1:02pm
gr8guy's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Oct 2008

Posts: 992

See profile



I suspect that "this" is going to be the catch phrase until midsummer.
 
  Reply With Quote
ds_in_california is offline ds_in_california Post #9  February 4,2009, 7:53pm
ds_in_califor…'s Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Feb 2009

Posts: 5

See profile



I agree that the "that" in quotes is a bit of a catch phrase. I am really not "into" catch phrases but on this site, you have to write what will get the most attention. Sometimes you just do what you have to do.


Now I am not sure of the comment prior. Was"that" an insult? Too new to this board to read between the lines.
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #10  February 4,2009, 8:22pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile



You've been together for 1 year. I think that's generally a minimum for dating someone before thinking about marriage. I'd think if his 'timeline' is 2-3 years from now and yours is a year or less....I'd think a compromise wouldn't be that difficult (if you're both being honest about how you feel about the relationship). If I were you I think I'd have a talk with him and say I'd prefer to remarry sooner, rather than later, but that I understand he wants to be sure. Also, in case he's one of those guys who actually just wants to keep putting things off I'd also point out that I would NOT be waiting indefinitely. Also....if his preferred timeline is getting married in 2-3 years that should mean an engagement as a sign that he's actually getting ready for this earlier than that.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« relationship problem...I don't konw what to do | Relationships | And then they were gone »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Absolutely not. I have no idea why allowing gays to marry would affect anyone's lives, unless they're sexually insecure about themselves.” –  sun73

Join the “Did our President give up the election for a single issue?” discussion

“I learned that the woman's communication style has to fit mine or else it won't work.” –  sun73

Join the “Why do 40 yr olds still play games?” discussion

“Here's where to email if you think a match might be a fraud: matchconcerns@eharmony.com . Tell them the match's name and location so they can find them. If what's making you suspicious is an email ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“I know you clarified you just want a general opinion on when people bring this subject up, but I'm going to give you both that and also what I believe you should do. The general idea most of the ... ” –  Herkemer

Join the “When is it time to discuss your position on having kids?” discussion

“And that's a very valid point. I get the feeling that eHarmony is keeping their price high to show they they are not cheap and therefore, their members are serious.It seems to me that combining the ... ” –  MicMan

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“How long have you all been on EH? Thanks for the advice. I signed on in late April 2012 but have been on other dating sites in the past.” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “New Here” discussion

“The only one that bothers me is the "they weren't his kids so meh ..." But there could be a whole world of story behind that. Like "she dumped me and it was painful and I hated losing the kids in ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 11:26am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0