Have You Ever Been Called a "Nothing?"


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constantseeker is offline constantseeker Post #1  February 2,2009, 8:47am
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Man, it hurts! On Saturday as my son was preparing to go to his father's, he learned that the girlfriend would be joining them - possibly all night. He complained profusely and said he didn't like it when she stayed over and quite frankly, neither do I - I just don't think it is appropriate. His father and this woman have been carrying on a fast and furious relationship since the end of October, so they spend a lot of time together when my son is with me. I am in a relationship as well, but he has kidsas welland knows how to conduct himself when they are around. We are all in our late 40s, so raging hormones aren't messing with our minds.


I told my son to tell his father (he's 13 and has no problem speaking up to me) that he was uncomfortable with her sleeping over and would like to go home (to my place). This didn't happen, as my ex convinced him that it was okay because they weren't sleeping together. I called over there and told him that I do not want my son staying with him in that situation. He said that was "hilarious coming from a nothing" and that neither myself or my son could do anything about it. This man has always been verbally abusive to me and was saying all kinds of things about how he is trying to show our son what a "healthy, loving relationship" looks like and thatthis woman staying over was just like his "mother" staying there, or his "sister."


I'm wondering where the woman was all this time that he was bashing me,since he currently is staying in a small apartment....?


My son never spoke up or backed my decision.


What do you all think of the appropriateness of this behavior and should I accept that there is nothing that can be done? By the way, the bedrooms in the apartment are just steps away from each other.
 
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cynamon68 is offline cynamon68 Post #2  February 2,2009, 8:57am
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You can have the terms of your divorce changed in that there is no spend the night company by either of you when your child is with you. That is what I did when my ex and I divorced.
 
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cynamon68 is offline cynamon68 Post #3  February 2,2009, 9:01am
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cynamon68,466835 wrote :

You can have the terms of your divorce changed in that there is no spend the night company by either of you when your child is with you. That is what I did when my ex and I divorced.
let me clarify---when you son is with you...you won't have overnight company and when your son is with his father, he won't have spend the night company. You can have that stated in your divorce terms...talk to your divorce atty about it.
 
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Red Sox Girl is offline Red Sox Girl Post #4  February 2,2009, 9:02am

It's almost time folks.....

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His behavior is inappropriate but I'm guessing it's not news to you since you describe the guy as verbally abusive anyway.


I have no experience raising kids, so I'm nobody to give advice on that one, but I don't feel your son should have to be the one "backing you up" or doing all the speaking up to his father, at the young age of 13.


Have you considered speaking to an attorney about the situation? Sounds like yourself and the ex won't be able to resolve this amicably, he seems unable to hold adult conversation.


Your son is probably at an age, however,where a kid can at least acceptthe existence ofnew partners in his parents' lives, even if he doesn't like them. But if he is genuinely uncomfortable going there, maybe you should speak to an attorney, even if just for advice?
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #5  February 2,2009, 9:03am
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You are not a nothing. You are your son's mother and are entitled to your opinion on how your son is raised. if both of you and your son feel this is inappropriate, then you may have to get the terms changed like Cynamamon says. Show your ex what a "nothing" can do.


Just do it for your son and not to get back at your ex, which can be tempting as he sounds like a real piece of work.
 
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Steve_Cam is offline Steve_Cam Post #6  February 2,2009, 9:18am

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Wow,,sounds to me like you need to get over your exhusband and stop using your sun as your tool. That is pretty sad that you told your son to do that.


-Steve Cam
 
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constantseeker is offline constantseeker Post #7  February 2,2009, 9:26am
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Steve_Cam,466865 wrote :

Wow,,sounds to me like you need to get over your exhusband and stop using your sun as your tool. That is pretty sad that you told your son to do that.


-Steve Cam
Steve_Cam - I've seen a lot of your posts. You don't quite fullyunderstand much of anything, do you? Not helpful, but thanks anyway.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #8  February 2,2009, 9:28am
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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cynamon68,466835 wrote :

You can have the terms of your divorce changed in that there is no spend the night company by either of you when your child is with you. That is what I did when my ex and I divorced.


You can have the terms of your divorce changed in that there is no spend the night company by either of you when your child is with you. That is what I did when my ex and I divorced.
Yes, you can do this ...you can have it written in the divorce that he stand on his head for 2 hours every day ...but good luck enforcing such a thing. Most courts would laugh at you and you come out looking like a control freak who just wants to dictate your ex's life for him.
 
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constantseeker is offline constantseeker Post #9  February 2,2009, 9:44am
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BikerBeagle,466886 wrote :

cynamon68,466835 wrote :


You can have the terms of your divorce changed in that there is no spend the night company by either of you when your child is with you. That is what I did when my ex and I divorced.


You can have the terms of your divorce changed in that there is no spend the night company by either of you when your child is with you. That is what I did when my ex and I divorced.


Yes, you can do this ...you can have it written in the divorce that he stand on his head for 2 hours every day ...but good luck enforcing such a thing. Most courts would laugh at you and you come out looking like a control freak who just wants to dictate your ex's life for him.
I agree with this and that's not what I want to do. I was responding to my son's distress and wondering the best thing to do about it; that's what mothers do. I've been thinking to just let it go, since he didn't make his own feelings known and I think he is old enough to do that. He can voice his wishes that he wants to spend his time with his father with HIS FATHER and not have a stranger hanging around; heaven knows he doesn't hold back his wishes with me and when he feels uncomfortable in a situation, he comes first, not my relationship (within reason, of course).
 
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Steve_Cam is offline Steve_Cam Post #10  February 2,2009, 9:45am

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constantseeker,466884 wrote :





Steve_Cam - I've seen a lot of your posts. You don't quite fullyunderstand much of anything, do you? Not helpful, but thanks anyway.


The helpful part was my suggestion to get over your EX.





I understood this pretty well.


"I told my son to tell his father (he's 13 and has no problem speaking up to me) that he was uncomfortable with her sleeping over and would like to go home (to my place). "


that explains the rest of my post.


I too have read your posts, and have noticed a trend. But I do wish you the best in your situation.


-Steve Cam
 
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