Why start the lie to begin with?


Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
itsbits is offline itsbits Post #1  February 2,2009, 5:44am
itsbits's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jan 2009

Midwest

Posts: 209

See profile



OK, I just met another match in person, after several weeks of Open Communication. Turns out this guy was imbellishing the truth to the point of lie. This has happened several times and each time, they think i should just excuse the lies. Things like being 6 years older than stated, divorced a much shorter period of time then initially stated, they have children living at home full time when this is something that profile says you don't want, some stuff that matters when trying to have a relationship with someone.


So, I'm just wondering, why are the men/women telling the lies if what they want is a relationship? The minute I find out the person has lied on important topics, I'm no longer interested in them (for that reason alone).So, it's really counter-defeating. Why are people going to such lengths just to be rejected in the end?
 
  Reply With Quote
BlackberryAddict is offline BlackberryAddict Post #2  February 2,2009, 7:38am
BlackberryAdd…'s Avatar

still has the conceal carry license ;-) LOL

Veteran

Joined: Oct 2008

Posts: 1,511

See profile



itsbits wrote :


OK, I just met another match in person, after several weeks of Open Communication. Turns out this guy was imbellishing the truth to the point of lie. This has happened several times and each time, they think i should just excuse the lies. Things like being 6 years older than stated, divorced a much shorter period of time then initially stated, they have children living at home full time when this is something that profile says you don't want, some stuff that matters when trying to have a relationship with someone.


So, I'm just wondering, why are the men/women telling the lies if what they want is a relationship? The minute I find out the person has lied on important topics, I'm no longer interested in them (for that reason alone).So, it's really counter-defeating. Why are people going to such lengths just to be rejected in the end?
Because they're used to rejection and want to continue self-defeating habits that have kept them single for all their lives?


If eHA has taught me nothing else I have learned = if you want an honest mate, go with the ones you know IRL. At least youskip past the 'fantasyland' stuff of online, and IME there's not as high of a percentage of broken ones as there are online.
 
  Reply With Quote
BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #3  February 2,2009, 8:01am
BikerBeagle's Avatar

thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2008

Kansas

Posts: 2,548

See profile



Maybe they are playing the numbers game believing that all it takes is meeting that one person who will forgive them of their "little white lies" and who they can win over with their personality?


I don't know ...I got nuthin' to help you explain it.
 
  Reply With Quote
noseyparker is offline noseyparker Post #4  February 2,2009, 8:08am
noseyparker's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 3,064

See profile



Adding to the OP's question...has anyone had a satisfying long term relationship that started out with a lie?
 
  Reply With Quote
noseyparker is offline noseyparker Post #5  February 2,2009, 8:11am
noseyparker's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 3,064

See profile



BlackberryAddict,466698 wrote :



Because they're used to rejection and want to continue self-defeating habits that have kept them single for all their lives?


If eHA has taught me nothing else I have learned = if you want an honest mate, go with the ones you know IRL. At least youskip past the 'fantasyland' stuff of online, and IME there's not as high of a percentage of broken ones as there are online.


+10


Your position confirms what I've always believed. The Internet does not seem to attract the highest caliber of singles. Read the "He's not that into you" sweepstakes thread, and you'll see a sample of what goes on out there...and that's the tip of the iceberg...
 
  Reply With Quote
simpletonHeart70 is offline simpletonHeart70 Post #6  February 2,2009, 8:36am
simpletonHear…'s Avatar

hopes for better weather.

Enthusiast

Joined: Jan 2009

United States

Posts: 801

See profile



This is my guess:





1) They post a completely truthful profile. They get no interest.


2) In desperatation they make a few small changes, leaving off kids, etc. No interest or small interest.


3) They figure what the heck, I'm not getting anyone now, may as well ramp up the lies and see if ANY one responds. Then they get some bites. But it's too late. So they want the interest they just don't know how else to get it.





That's my guess. They may even think "oh well, nothing lost because I'm not getting anyone any how". And once they have you talking to them, they realize they want to keep talking so they go 180 and start to tell the truth hoping it won't matter.
 
  Reply With Quote
simpletonHeart70 is offline simpletonHeart70 Post #7  February 2,2009, 8:42am
simpletonHear…'s Avatar

hopes for better weather.

Enthusiast

Joined: Jan 2009

United States

Posts: 801

See profile

noseyparker,466743 wrote :

Adding to the OP's question...has anyone had a satisfying long term relationship that started out with a lie?
No, because it's never just A lie.
 
  Reply With Quote
BlackberryAddict is offline BlackberryAddict Post #8  February 2,2009, 12:42pm
BlackberryAdd…'s Avatar

still has the conceal carry license ;-) LOL

Veteran

Joined: Oct 2008

Posts: 1,511

See profile

noseyparker,466749 wrote :

BlackberryAddict,466698 wrote :



Because they're used to rejection and want to continue self-defeating habits that have kept them single for all their lives?


If eHA has taught me nothing else I have learned = if you want an honest mate, go with the ones you know IRL. At least youskip past the 'fantasyland' stuff of online, and IME there's not as high of a percentage of broken ones as there are online.


+10


Your position confirms what I've always believed. The Internet does not seem to attract the highest caliber of singles. Read the "He's not that into you" sweepstakes thread, and you'll see a sample of what goes on out there...and that's the tip of the iceberg...
LOL! I'm afraid to read it!!! eHA has been a shocking enough experience for me!!! but now I have to go cause I'm curious, you just HAD to say soemthing didn't you? Pique my curiousity {sigh} I hate being such a curious "have to know everything' person... it was ok when I read encyclopedias as a child, but this stuff on eHA is scary!
 
  Reply With Quote
gr8guy is offline gr8guy Post #9  February 2,2009, 1:12pm
gr8guy's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Oct 2008

Posts: 992

See profile

noseyparker,466743 wrote :

Adding to the OP's question...has anyone had a satisfying long term relationship that started out with a lie?
"Not I" replied the stick figure man.
 
  Reply With Quote
gr8guy is offline gr8guy Post #10  February 2,2009, 1:14pm
gr8guy's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Oct 2008

Posts: 992

See profile

BikerBeagle,466731 wrote :

Maybe they are playing the numbers game believing that all it takes is meeting that one person who will forgive them of their "little white lies" and who they can win over with their personality?


I don't know ...I got nuthin' to help you explain it.

Or are hoping not to get caught at it.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« How to get him back? | Relationships | relationship problem...I don't konw what to do »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Absolutely not. I have no idea why allowing gays to marry would affect anyone's lives, unless they're sexually insecure about themselves.” –  sun73

Join the “Did our President give up the election for a single issue?” discussion

“I learned that the woman's communication style has to fit mine or else it won't work.” –  sun73

Join the “Why do 40 yr olds still play games?” discussion

“Here's where to email if you think a match might be a fraud: matchconcerns@eharmony.com . Tell them the match's name and location so they can find them. If what's making you suspicious is an email ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“I know you clarified you just want a general opinion on when people bring this subject up, but I'm going to give you both that and also what I believe you should do. The general idea most of the ... ” –  Herkemer

Join the “When is it time to discuss your position on having kids?” discussion

“And that's a very valid point. I get the feeling that eHarmony is keeping their price high to show they they are not cheap and therefore, their members are serious.It seems to me that combining the ... ” –  MicMan

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“How long have you all been on EH? Thanks for the advice. I signed on in late April 2012 but have been on other dating sites in the past.” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “New Here” discussion

“The only one that bothers me is the "they weren't his kids so meh ..." But there could be a whole world of story behind that. Like "she dumped me and it was painful and I hated losing the kids in ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 11:25am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0