rarara is offline rarara Post #1  January 31,2009, 4:38am
rarara's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jan 2009

Chicago

Posts: 29

See profile

I've been dating this guy for about a month. It had been great and I always had fun with him. On our last date which was about two weeks ago now I got really nervous. He made a couple of odd comments and they made me wonder if he was dating a lot of other women. In the last six months every guy I've meet has been a jerk. I've been taking this relationship really slow. I thought maybe I was just being suspicious for no reason so after the date I texted him how much fun I always had with him and that I wanted to hang out again soon. This was the first time that I had ever asked him to meet up. All of our other dates he asked me out on. A week later he sends a text message that he's been super busy and wants to make plans soon. A week after that I call him. I left a message keeping it light and friendly, but asking what was going on. I said hey are we hanging out anymore? What's up? If you don't want to hang out just let me know because I'm a little confused. I haven't heard from him at all!!

I wonder if I was right to be suspicious or if i pushed him away with that text or the phone call? I don't understand the not letting me know. If he doesn't want to hang out shouldn't he just text me and say so? I mean who just disappears? It's so rude.

I don't like to leave things hanging unfinished. Would it be stupid for me to call him again? I want to say hey you disappeared on me. That was rude and hurt my feelings. I don't know what's going on with you but I don't want to hang out with you anymore. Good luck with everything. Bye. Would that make me insane? It would make me feel better for it to have a solid ending.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  January 31,2009, 6:00am
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,681

See profile

It seems to be customary practice to see multiple people until settling on one. Think it through … I’m on the internet getting matches, they come at different times and are in various stages of communication. As I start meeting in person I still have all the in-process matches to continue with, even if I quickly stop getting new ones. A month actually seems fairly short to expect exclusivity, based on what I’ve read here, though it’s close to my experience.
I think you are right to take initiative. Personally I don’t continue to chase women who don’t return my interest (for example, by always waiting around for me to invite her.)
I consider his behavior unacceptable – I would not tolerate weeks without answering a simple message. However, I do not think there is any point to pointing out someone’s rudeness … seems usually rude people are on their own separate wavelength anyway.
 
  Reply With Quote
Shelby is offline Shelby Post #3  January 31,2009, 6:16am
Shelby's Avatar

said what she meant; meant what she said.

Veteran

Joined: Nov 2007

California

Posts: 1,885

See profile



I'm with you, sister! If you've already been dating a guy, whether it's one or a few dates and something's not clicking, it's polite to express that feeling and move toward closure. Dangling the relationship in a no-man's land is irritating.


Since you haven't heard from him, I think you should cut your (small) loss by sending him a message -- " I haven't heard from you in a while. Call me if you're interested, otherwise I'm moving on. It was nice knowing you." Short and sweet, and you take control of closure and your life.
 
  Reply With Quote
sexysmile is offline sexysmile Post #4  January 31,2009, 6:25am
sexysmile's Avatar

Home remodeling!!

Quick Study

Joined: Nov 2007

Northern Central Indiana

Posts: 134

See profile

rarara, wrote :

I've been dating this guy for about a month. It had been great and I always had fun with him. On our last date which was about two weeks ago now I got really nervous. He made a couple of odd comments and they made me wonder if he was dating a lot of other women. In the last six months every guy I've meet has been a jerk. I've been taking this relationship really slow. I thought maybe I was just being suspicious for no reason so after the date I texted him how much fun I always had with him and that I wanted to hang out again soon. This was the first time that I had ever asked him to meet up. All of our other dates he asked me out on. A week later he sends a text message that he's been super busy and wants to make plans soon. A week after that I call him. I left a message keeping it light and friendly, but asking what was going on. I said hey are we hanging out anymore? What's up? If you don't want to hang out just let me know because I'm a little confused. I haven't heard from him at all!! I wonder if I was right to be suspicious or if i pushed him away with that text or the phone call? I don't understand the not letting me know. If he doesn't want to hang out shouldn't he just text me and say so? I mean who just disappears? It's so rude. I don't like to leave things hanging unfinished. Would it be stupid for me to call him again? I want to say hey you disappeared on me. That was rude and hurt my feelings. I don't know what's going on with you but I don't want to hang out with you anymore. Good luck with everything. Bye. Would that make me insane? It would make me feel better for it to have a solid ending.
I feel your loss. Been there done that!


You have done enough. Move on. If he wants to see you he will call. Don't do any more. You will look desperate. Just keep saying in your head. You are worth it. You are worth it. If "he" wants it he will come to me. You have reached out enough.


Good luck!!!!!!


You Are Worth It!!!!
 
  Reply With Quote
chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #5  January 31,2009, 6:31am
chawks64's Avatar

is keeping warm with her Honey.

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Southern Nevada

Posts: 6,735

See profile



There was nothing wrong with sending the text. If hevalued the relationship, he would have replied. The fact that he didn't pretty much gives you your answer. I would just move on at this point and be happy you didn't invest yourself too much.


I try SO very hard to stay above the level of the jerks, and it isn't always easy. You want tolet them know they did the wrong thing and speak your piece. But walking away with your head held high is (almost) always the better alternative for your emotional well-being.


Almost always...
 
  Reply With Quote
argytunes is offline argytunes Post #6  January 31,2009, 6:36am
argytunes's Avatar

Misty and I are still trying to find a house closer to the beach

Veteran

Joined: Feb 2008

Southern Maine

Posts: 1,005

See profile



Breaking things off suddenly usually indicates that there's something in your personality that he or she doesn't like!


So if you're the type of woman who needs closure...there's no harm in asking why things didn't work out? Depending upon theman you've been corresponding with, you'll either receive:


a. No explanation why he doesn't wish to continue to communicate with you


OR


b. A 100% bonafide answer which might make you very angry...or that could possibly hurt your feelings.


argytunes
 
  Reply With Quote
tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #7  January 31,2009, 7:57am
tweet37's Avatar

has all the tools and can........satisfy

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2008

New Jersey

Posts: 7,608

See profile



He's just not that into you.
 
  Reply With Quote
saphia2009 is offline saphia2009 Post #8  January 31,2009, 8:30am
saphia2009's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jan 2009

Memphis, TN

Posts: 60

See profile



I had a similar experience, and I decided that he didn't pick me. After a couple of weeks, I closed the match and moved on.
 
  Reply With Quote
itsbits is offline itsbits Post #9  January 31,2009, 9:40am
itsbits's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jan 2009

Midwest

Posts: 209

See profile



I think your attempt to show interest was ok. If he dropped off after that, I'd say leave it alone. Nothing wrong with showing interest and being a little vulnerable, but chasing is another category. Men will make a move if they want to. If they don't, they wont. Sometimes that's the entire answer.
 
  Reply With Quote
sweetT is offline sweetT Post #10  January 31,2009, 9:55am
sweetT's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 318

See profile



I say to go with your gut feeling... and it already told you that something was wrong.


You've only been dating him for about a month, maybe he feels he didnt invest enough emotionally to have to explain to you why he doesnt want to see you again, or it could be he's just to much of a coward to talk about it.


Take the, him not caring enough to call you back as closure. Have a good scream in your pillow, and just move on. He's not worth your time.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Is he really "that" into me? | Relationships | Questioning a relationship »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Absolutely not. I have no idea why allowing gays to marry would affect anyone's lives, unless they're sexually insecure about themselves.” –  sun73

Join the “Did our President give up the election for a single issue?” discussion

“I learned that the woman's communication style has to fit mine or else it won't work.” –  sun73

Join the “Why do 40 yr olds still play games?” discussion

“Here's where to email if you think a match might be a fraud: matchconcerns@eharmony.com . Tell them the match's name and location so they can find them. If what's making you suspicious is an email ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“I know you clarified you just want a general opinion on when people bring this subject up, but I'm going to give you both that and also what I believe you should do. The general idea most of the ... ” –  Herkemer

Join the “When is it time to discuss your position on having kids?” discussion

“And that's a very valid point. I get the feeling that eHarmony is keeping their price high to show they they are not cheap and therefore, their members are serious.It seems to me that combining the ... ” –  MicMan

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“How long have you all been on EH? Thanks for the advice. I signed on in late April 2012 but have been on other dating sites in the past.” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “New Here” discussion

“The only one that bothers me is the "they weren't his kids so meh ..." But there could be a whole world of story behind that. Like "she dumped me and it was painful and I hated losing the kids in ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 11:24am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0