Boyfriend has lost interest in sex!


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ehpst is offline ehpst Post #1  January 28,2009, 6:43pm
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I having been dating the greatest guy for 6 months. He is kind, attentive, reliable, calls all the time when we're apart, etc. HOWEVER, he has lost interest in sex. Of course I don't believe that a relationship should be based entirely on sex, but it is important. It seems like he can just take itor leave it (mostly leave it!). Last weekend he even went as far to say, "Is that the only reason I'm here?". It makes feel bad about myself (undesirable, etc.).I've tried to talk to himabout it, but he saysit's not me.


I need some advise about how to handle it, but mostly some insight as to whyit's happening. In fact, it's never happened to me before. I'm 42 and he's 50. I don't know if age has anything to do with it, but it's becoming a big issue for me.
 
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gr8guy is offline gr8guy Post #2  January 28,2009, 6:53pm
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Could be at his age he needs one of those little helpers that they advertise on TV. I find it hard to explain why a guy would suddenly lose interest in sex. Usually we think about it daily. This should be inportant to him because it's important to you.


Could be a phase he's going through.
 
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Sherri is offline Sherri Post #3  January 28,2009, 8:02pm
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Look through his porn collection (both his hidden DVDs and his computer) and find out what he is REALLY into.


Every guy would rather have a woman who naturally gets into his fetish, than has to be told what to do.


In fact, some fetishes just don't work if the other partner has to be instructed.
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #4  January 28,2009, 8:05pm
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ehpst, wrote :

I having been dating the greatest guy for 6 months. He is kind, attentive, reliable, calls all the time when we're apart, etc. HOWEVER, he has lost interest in sex. Of course I don't believe that a relationship should be based entirely on sex, but it is important. It seems like he can just take itor leave it (mostly leave it!). Last weekend he even went as far to say, "Is that the only reason I'm here?". It makes feel bad about myself (undesirable, etc.).I've tried to talk to himabout it, but he saysit's not me.


I need some advise about how to handle it, but mostly some insight as to whyit's happening. In fact, it's never happened to me before. I'm 42 and he's 50. I don't know if age has anything to do with it, but it's becoming a big issue for me.
It could be his age and his testosterone levels are falling and so his desire to have sex has changed as well. It happens. He's pretty much decided he doesn't want to do anything about it and is happy with the way he is.


If he doesn't want to have sex "at all", like "ever", then this isn't a bf/gf relationship, it's a buddy relationship. Sex isn't everything but it's certainly part of a healthy male/female relationship, and if it's not something he wants "period", then you're definitely incompatable in this area in the extreme. So if you can't talk to him about it and he's not willing to have this conversation, I don't see this lasting.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #5  January 28,2009, 10:27pm
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It could be that he is losing interest in you...
 
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HonestlyCandid is offline HonestlyCandid Post #6  January 28,2009, 10:48pm
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Oregon_Coast_Guy,459316 wrote :

It could be that he is losing interest in you ...
I think she already considered this possibility ("I've tried to talk to him about it, but he says it's not me."). So unless you have more insight to offer, your comment just sounds mean.
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #7  January 28,2009, 11:08pm
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Oregon_Coast_Guy,459316 wrote :

It could be that he is losing interest in you...
Good one Sparky . . . really productive . . . you're just a ray of sunshine aren't you?
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #8  January 29,2009, 2:39am
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HonestlyCandid,459331 wrote :

Oregon_Coast_Guy,459316 wrote :


It could be that he is losing interest in you ...


I think she already considered this possibility ("I've tried to talk to him about it, but he says it's not me."). So unless you have more insight to offer, your comment just sounds mean.
...yeah, because nobody ever lies to spare the feelings of the other person, right?


Sadly, while OCG said it a little more bluntly than most people would, he has a point.


It could be biological, as Songryder said, but testosterone levels just don't drop out of the blue. There would have been signs before this (and, admittedly, we don't know if there was). If they've enjoyed an active sex life before this and the faucet just got turned off, it's probably not biological ...it's mental.


I would look at thisas a break inan established pattern of behavior ...a pretty severe one from a guy's standpoint. The reasons for this, off the top of my head, could be: 1) he's getting it from somewhere else, 2) he's distancing himself from the OP, or 3)he's bored. Sadly, only one of those are fixable from the OPs position ...#3 (although this could, indirectly, resolve #1 and #2).


I kind of have to side with Sherri on this one ...you need to up the bar in the bedroom, make an effort to find out what really pushes his buttons, discover his fantasies, make it interesting and exciting for him. If that doesn't work ...then, yeah, OGC is probably right ...he's not interested in you anymore.
 
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HonestlyCandid is offline HonestlyCandid Post #9  January 29,2009, 3:12am
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BikerBeagle,459418 wrote :

...yeah, because nobody ever lies to spare the feelings of the other person, right?

Your post is an example of what I meant by offering more insight. She has already considered the possibility that he was no longer into her. The previous poster simply re-stated the option without providing further analysis or suggestions. It was unnecessarily rude and unhelpful.
 
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mkeys81 is offline mkeys81 Post #10  January 29,2009, 7:33am
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Sherri,459095 wrote :

Look through his porn collection (both his hidden DVDs and his computer) and find out what he is REALLY into.


Every guy would rather have a woman who naturally gets into his fetish, than has to be told what to do.


In fact, some fetishes just don't work if the other partner has to be instructed.










i like the way you think!
 
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