How do you know you should stick it out?


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CaliforniaDreams is offline CaliforniaDreams Post #1  January 28,2009, 6:22pm
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I have been with a great guy for a few months now. Especially compared to my past relationships, he is a dream come true in every way. I love him, I see my future with him, and all along the way, he is on the same page as me and sees the same future I do.


Now, all of a sudden I feel like I lost what I felt for him. I look at him and say I Love You and the words seem empty. I dooon't want to ruin this, and I don't know what happened to make me feel this way....will it pass? Is this just the natural progression of a real and committed relationship that the sparks just...fizzle?


I still have fun with him and enjoy my time with him...all of a sudden I just feel like I'm lying when I reference our future or say I love him. And now when he talks about how he loves me, I only feel trapped and pressure to get my feelings back so I can match him.


Does this happen? Is it just a fleeting thing that happens sometimes? Does it mean this is just not meant to be?


Help!
 
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gr8guy is offline gr8guy Post #2  January 28,2009, 6:36pm
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CaliforniaDreams, wrote :

I have been with a great guy for a few months now. Especially compared to my past relationships, he is a dream come true in every way. I love him, I see my future with him, and all along the way, he is on the same page as me and sees the same future I do.


Now, all of a sudden I feel like I lost what I felt for him. I look at him and say I Love You and the words seem empty. I dooon't want to ruin this, and I don't know what happened to make me feel this way....will it pass? Is this just the natural progression of a real and committed relationship that the sparks just...fizzle?


I still have fun with him and enjoy my time with him...all of a sudden I just feel like I'm lying when I reference our future or say I love him. And now when he talks about how he loves me, I only feel trapped and pressure to get my feelings back so I can match him.


Does this happen? Is it just a fleeting thing that happens sometimes? Does it mean this is just not meant to be?


Help!
So what caused it? Was there an event that lead to your loss of feelings for him? Or it could be that you're no longer in the "honeymoon" phase of the realtionship and you're starting to notice the little annoying things men do - we don't do this on purpose mind you, sometimes we just need a little retraining.
 
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emandev is offline emandev Post #3  January 28,2009, 6:36pm
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Did something happen to cause this change in you? Did he say or do something that you didn't like? I sounds like something in you changed. Or maybe you just are afraid to take it to the next level. Maybe it sounds too good to be true so you might as well write him off now. I know I have done that before. Met a perfect guy and then in my mind try to find any reason to break up with him or to think that he really doesn't love me. For me I think it was just a feeling that I didn't deserve this nice guy, or that the rug was going to be pulled out from under me, too good to be true. Hope this helps a little...
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #4  January 28,2009, 8:23pm
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CaliforniaDreams, wrote :

I have been with a great guy for a few months now. Especially compared to my past relationships, he is a dream come true in every way. I love him, I see my future with him, and all along the way, he is on the same page as me and sees the same future I do.


Now, all of a sudden I feel like I lost what I felt for him. I look at him and say I Love You and the words seem empty. I dooon't want to ruin this, and I don't know what happened to make me feel this way....will it pass? Is this just the natural progression of a real and committed relationship that the sparks just...fizzle?


I still have fun with him and enjoy my time with him...all of a sudden I just feel like I'm lying when I reference our future or say I love him. And now when he talks about how he loves me, I only feel trapped and pressure to get my feelings back so I can match him.


Does this happen? Is it just a fleeting thing that happens sometimes? Does it mean this is just not meant to be?


Help!
So, you've met this great guy whose completely opposite of many of your other relationships . . . must be shocking the hell out of your system right now. Sometimes when you meet the "right" person, the one that doesn't treat you badly, you just don't know how to respond because you're not used to being treated the way you really want to be and now it's up to "you" to discover how you "fit" into a healthy relationship. This can become a scary thing because it's forcing you to really step up to the plate and be a part of a working partnership and the earth may not move and the ocean may not part, but there's a "steadiness" there that is grounding and solid. You may not be used to those feelings either.


That being said, you can't lie to this guy either. You need to tell him the truth and see where it takes you. It's only been a couple of months so time hasn't even begun to test his current behavior or yours. Sometimes we can project what we want another person to be and go blind to the way they really are in the beginning. I'm not saying he's that way but only time can flesh this out, so maybe a backing off period is appropriate here where you just slow it down a little bit. It just sounds like you're both rushing into this and it may be why you've shut down as well.


Two scenarios. You pick what's closest to the truth and start telling the truth. Lying by silence isn't going to get you what you want in the long run.
 
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mkeys81 is offline mkeys81 Post #5  January 28,2009, 8:44pm
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if you care for him at all i would share your feelings with him before things become more emotionally involved than they already are - the longer you wait, the harder it will be on him. it may be possible this will force a conversation that hasn't happened yet, maybe certain topics will be addressed that will make/help you understand what's really going on in your own mind... maybe not.
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #6  January 28,2009, 8:54pm
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline glassonlyhalffull_fillit Post #7  January 29,2009, 5:27am
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food for thought - Sounds like you spoke of 'love' too soon IMHO possibly a harsh reality? sounds more like infatuation
 
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constantseeker is offline constantseeker Post #8  January 29,2009, 9:53am
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I'm curious as to what may have happened also. Are you having a physical relationship that is getting routine and you have found that there isn't anything left to keep the attraction going? Do you have a lot in common? What makes him different from your other relationships? Is this maybe a rebound thing?


I ask allof this because I think I am going through something similar. He's a great guy, really special, but heis moving a little faster than I have ever experienced before. I feel like I love him, but it also feels hollow when I say it, becauseI can't picture him being in my life long-term, eventhough the chemistry is amazing right now....We have reached our 4 month mark.


Oh, as far as advice goes, I think your feelings should be getting stronger, not fading, but maybe deep down inside, subconsciously, he said or did something to make you question the relationship. See if you can figure it out and then communicate with him about it. That is the most important gauge of a good relationship; how well you can communicate with the other person. Good luck!
 
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itsbits is offline itsbits Post #9  January 29,2009, 7:20pm
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Sounds like your "infatuation with you" not "In love with you". Only a couple months? Can't develop real love (total acceptance of another human being) in only a couple months. Is he starting to let his guard down now and show you the real him? Is that what's got you looking at him differently? Being in love isn't the drooly stuff, the love notes passed back and forth, the "let's have sex 10 times a day". Thats infatuation. Love is letting him be who he is, accepting who he is, finding every day the good in him and not focusing on the bad, love is so much more than what the first couple months can show you. Relax on the infatuation stuff and focus on who he his and what you really like about him. There's a saying "Seek and You Shall Find (ok, it's a bible verse). That is so totally true. Find the best in him and you'll get that feeling back but at a deeper level.
 
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DearSomeone is offline DearSomeone Post #10  February 3,2009, 6:42am
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CaliforniaDreams, wrote :

He is a dream come true in every way. I love him, I see my future with him, and all along the way, he is on the same page as me and sees the same future I do.
And now you don't feel the same, that you feel trapped in your relationship.? Wow there must be something he did that made you change your mind ...or perhaps you're expectations are too high, he can't deliver. You sure it's love, or perhaps as some had posted, a strong infatuation? You need to re-assess, love doesnt happen overnight... no seriously, not the frou...frou,sweet, I think I'm in heaven, kind of love! It's easy to fall in love but It takes real committment to stay-in-love. So now you're relationship is starting to settle in...and maybe you discovered some flaws in him,and so what? we're all human, we all have our limitations; is itreally that unforgivable? If youbelieve thatthere is a possibilityfor afuture,I think you should give it a fighting chance. Communication is the foundation for any solid relationship, so be honest, tell him how you feel,afterall he deserves to know (he's not a mind reader & who knows, he might befeeling the same way).You can workthe rest from there...it's a start andthat's all I have. Good luck & wishing you the best!
 
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