BillLvsGolf is offline BillLvsGolf Post #11  January 27,2009, 5:59am
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Hmmm....so generally a rebound relationship may be defined as getting involved with someone before some undetermined amount of time has gone by so that someone can be by themselves to do what? Learn about themselves in some mystical fashion? just be alone? Let time heal?


After reading many topics on this board, it doesn't seem that many people have figured out the magic formula......


Maybe we need to be more like old Tom E., as Welderchick said. Good analogy.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #12  January 27,2009, 6:23am
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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You are always going to be able to find someone who knows someone whoheard about someone else who-supposedly- made a rebound successful ...but it is extremely rare. In my experience, both from personal experience and reading about other people's experiences on 3 different dating advice forums for the past 8 months, they end in disaster 99.9% of the time.


Rebound relationships aren't just the 'next one', they occur because someone didn't take the time to get over their previous relationship before jumping into another one.They rarely last more than a year ...often far less than that ...and are described as 'perfect' or 'intense'. The #1 reason a rebound relationship fails is guilt (that manifests itself as 'confusion') ...the majority of people simply can't be 'in love' with two people at the same time. The #2 reason a rebound relationship fails is because the rebounder reconciles with their ex. Funnily enough, most people know beforehand that they are getting into a rebound relationship...but they deny the fact thinkingthey are the exception to the rule and can somehow beat the odds. DENIAL is the number one common denominator in every rebound relationship.


...and, yes, I consider myself an expert on the subject.
 
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lynndyan is offline lynndyan Post #13  January 27,2009, 6:40am
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I've got a real mess here. I'm desperate for advice.I just broke up with my boyfriend of 17 months, we had a baby together...He's a little possessive of me, he still acts like he is my boyfriend and he tries to control who I talk to, what I do, how I do it, etc. I'd like to cut all ties with him but there's one major tie I can't cut...she's his daughter, too. What do I do to get him to move on and forget about me, but still be there for his daughter?
 
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itsbits is offline itsbits Post #14  January 27,2009, 7:54am
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Gr8Guyn2008,454781 wrote :

Well now this is a very interesting topic and I need to go philosophical on you all.


So you are in a relationship (marriage or not) and it ends. So you get into a new relationship. By definition this one would be a "rebound relationship". When it ends then you get into another relationship, is it not also a "rebound relationship" (or a rebound rebound relationship)? You see the pattern I am building here.


Therefore every relationship, except for the very first one, is a "rebound relationship"

Well, that is some food for thought, but if you didn't love the rebound relationship person cause you were still in love with the first one, then the third one wouldn't be a rebound relationship. The issue of rebound, is to just help the poor lonely person get over thier love that ended. So, once you've used up the rebound person and dumped them, you're ready for the "real" (translate third") one.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #15  January 27,2009, 8:20am
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itsbits,455751 wrote :

Gr8Guyn2008,454781 wrote :


Well now this is a very interesting topic and I need to go philosophical on you all.


So you are in a relationship (marriage or not) and it ends. So you get into a new relationship. By definition this one would be a "rebound relationship". When it ends then you get into another relationship, is it not also a "rebound relationship" (or a rebound rebound relationship)? You see the pattern I am building here.


Therefore every relationship, except for the very first one, is a "rebound relationship"


Well, that is some food for thought, but if you didn't love the rebound relationship person cause you were still in love with the first one, then the third one wouldn't be a rebound relationship. The issue of rebound, is to just help the poor lonely person get over thier love that ended. So, once you've used up the rebound person and dumped them, you're ready for the "real" (translate third") one.
Flawed logic on both parts ...you are both thinking in linear terms. Just like a rebound cannot be defined by the "next" relationship,they can also not be defined by the "last" relationship.


It is entirely possible, in the scenario given, that both the second and third relationshipswould be rebounds from the 1st relationship. This situation is pretty common with "serial daters" and people who simply can't stand being alone.


You simply can't assume that because the 2nd relationship was a rebound, the 3rd relationship wouldn't be ...it doesn't work that way.
 
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WaterHound is offline WaterHound Post #16  January 27,2009, 9:48am
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BillLvsGolf, wrote :

I have a question maybe some of you folks can address.


I always hear about rebound relationships. Have any of you had a rebound type relationship that actually lasted or worked out for the two of you?
Yes and I'm still in it, however, we did take a break which cleared the rebound fog. Indeed, we are admittedly two different people now. I don't believe that they ever work from the get go.


I define rebound SO as someone who replentishes your needs/wants that were deprived in the prior relationship. Since the rebound process is not your normal behavior either, as you are making up for lost love, I doubt they would ever work. My hypothesis is that a sustainable relationship needs a level foundation in which to be grounded. Almost by definition, those in a rebound relationship are not "of stable mind".


After abt 18mos of healing from the split from ex wife (20+ yrs together), I met and began to date my rebound girl. The clock started when I got over the hurt of the ex and was looking inward and forward to rebuild myself. Only thru the benefit of hindsight am I now able to see that the deficit of lovings created over time with the ex had indeed distorted my needs/wants during my new relationship. Sure, I did know that my feelings for her, which had gone parabolic, were unsustainable at the time. However so much more was off kilter that I cld not see then that only time could help illuminate them. Fortunately, we split up for abt 4 months and we both dated others, fully convinced that we would not get back together. The time apart was necessary to reflect and reaffirm priorities and fill many voids. We met again by chance and rekindled the fire. we are now exclusive and hopefully on a better footing to meet and overcome the challenges ahead.
 
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sizzle is offline sizzle Post #17  January 27,2009, 9:57am
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BillLvsGolf, wrote :

I have a question maybe some of you folks can address.


I always hear about rebound relationships.* Have any of you had a rebound type relationship that actually lasted or worked out for the two of you?
I started dating someone immediately after the end of a 1.5 year relationship. We were friends before we started dating and were together over 5 years. It ended up not working out because he, being 7 years older than I was, wanted to get married and I did not (actually still don't want to get married).

So yes, it worked out, but only if your definition of 'working out' doesn't necessarily culminate in marriage. Which, mine doesn't. I think you can have a very successful relationship even if it ends.
 
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sizzle is offline sizzle Post #18  January 27,2009, 11:30am
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lynndyan,455666 wrote :

I've got a real mess here. I'm desperate for advice.I just broke up with my boyfriend of 17 months, we had a baby together...He's a little possessive of me, he still acts like he is my boyfriend and he tries to control who I talk to, what I do, how I do it, etc. I'd like to cut all ties with him but there's one major tie I can't cut...she's his daughter, too. What do I do to get him to move on and forget about me, but still be there for his daughter?
Ummm. . . go back in time and use birth control so you don't end up having a child with someone you've only known for 1.5 years?


Okay, okay, you can't do that. But please in the future use birth control unless you want to have a repeat of this exact scenario.


Whatever you do, do not use the child as a bargaining chip, it's a baby, not a commodity.
 
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travelfairy is offline travelfairy Post #19  January 27,2009, 11:50am
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lynndyan,455666 wrote :


I've got a real mess here. I'm desperate for advice.I just broke up with my boyfriend of 17 months, we had a baby together...He's a little possessive of me, he still acts like he is my boyfriend and he tries to control who I talk to, what I do, how I do it, etc. I'd like to cut all ties with him but there's one major tie I can't cut...she's his daughter, too. What do I do to get him to move on and forget about me, but still be there for his daughter?


Give him custody. :-)





Or - only talk business, i.e, child related. If he tries to talk about other things, just say you want to keep the conversation about the things that matter. Don't call him just to talk, don't volunteer any information about your personal life, just keep all interactions business related. It's tough, and if he's controlling then he's going to fight it, but you can do it.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #20  January 27,2009, 4:43pm
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lynndyan,455666 wrote :

I've got a real mess here. I'm desperate for advice.I just broke up with my boyfriend of 17 months, we had a baby together...He's a little possessive of me, he still acts like he is my boyfriend and he tries to control who I talk to, what I do, how I do it, etc. I'd like to cut all ties with him but there's one major tie I can't cut...she's his daughter, too. What do I do to get him to move on and forget about me, but still be there for his daughter?
Well, while on the subject, you need to get into a rebound relationship as soon as possible. Maybe that will help keep him out of your personal life somewhat except for issues relating to your daughter.


People treat you the way you let them treat you. If you let him walk all over you, he will.
 
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