kat5560 is offline kat5560 Post #1  January 25,2009, 9:29pm
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DONT GET UPSET WITH GUYS, OK,,,,if im heading in the wrong direction with this question. im new to all this so i reallly dont know the answer.


ive been posting this week and some will see i am in termoil relationship that looks as though it may be ending. (but it is never over until its is over). i would never cheat or start a relationship without leaving my first one. but one of the things i fear about leaving him is starting over alone and sitting an apartment by myself alone and depressed. (the alone part is devastating to me). it would be nice to know i could have contacts or people to talk to.i know ending one cycle of llife and starting another is alot easier with new people around in your life.


what if.... i started an eharmony memebership to meet poeple on line (if i was totally truthful about my situation to them) and told them that i am just looking for contact and connection for people to talk to now,,,, but that there would be nothing more unless i reallly left my guy for good. (which it is looking that way).


i think others going through this know, the hardest part is leaving and being alone. it would be nice to meet some eharmony friends that i can talk to before i take the leap off the cliff alone.


but because i am moral and would never want to unset anyone or lead them on,,,, is this a really wrong thing to do?? or even against eharmony rules? i really dont know.
 
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PY is offline PY Post #2  January 25,2009, 9:55pm

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I don't think that's a good idea...you might either meet the wrong people (knowing your intention/situation) and/or might get closed because of that very reason.


Don't you have any current friends that would be by your side in case you become single again? Don't be afraid to be alone.....it's the opportunity to round up your girlfriends and go to town...enjoy your life a little (responsibly).


or you can join like meet up groups...like meetup.com there you can see what interests you...but don't jump into a new relationship too soon...that ain't gonna be good.


Just my opinion.


Plus...it's already cheating in my opinion....you're already looking while you're still in a relationship.


Sorry.
 
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kat5560 is offline kat5560 Post #3  January 25,2009, 10:09pm
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PY,453176 wrote :

I don't think that's a good idea...you might either meet the wrong people (knowing your intention/situation) and/or might get closed because of that very reason.


Don't you have any current friends that would be by your side in case you become single again? Don't be afraid to be alone.....it's the opportunity to round up your girlfriends and go to town...enjoy your life a little (responsibly).


or you can join like meet up groups...like meetup.com there you can see what interests you...but don't jump into a new relationship too soon...that ain't gonna be good.


Just my opinion.


Plus...it's already cheating in my opinion....you're already looking while you're still in a relationship.


Sorry.
im sure your right about all that. i wanted to get some views. i dont have alot of people around me and i felt if i had more people i knew and started making connections to other people (even if only as friends to start) that i would not feel so alone and scared. i guess your right , that this would be the wrong place for that. thankyou.
 
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angelpoet is offline angelpoet Post #4  January 25,2009, 10:54pm
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PY,453176 wrote :

I don't think that's a good idea...you might either meet the wrong people (knowing your intention/situation) and/or might get closed because of that very reason.


Don't you have any current friends that would be by your side in case you become single again? Don't be afraid to be alone.....it's the opportunity to round up your girlfriends and go to town...enjoy your life a little (responsibly).


or you can join like meet up groups...like meetup.com there you can see what interests you...but don't jump into a new relationship too soon...that ain't gonna be good.


Just my opinion.


Plus...it's already cheating in my opinion....you're already looking while you're still in a relationship.


Sorry.
absolutely! what he said!
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #5  January 25,2009, 11:23pm
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You would have to lie on your questionaire about what you are looking for. If you aren't looking for a relationship, you probably won't make it through their filter.


eHarmony is not a site for just making platonic friends. And I'm not paying eHarmony prices to make platonic friends.
 
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kat5560 is offline kat5560 Post #6  January 25,2009, 11:39pm
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I UNDERSTAND. ID NEVER BEEN TO A SITE LIKE THIS BEFORE, AND LIKE I SAID, I WAS FEELING READY TO LEAVE, BUT WAS LOOKING FOR A WAY TO MEET PEOPLE SO IT WOULD NOT BE SUCH A LONELY BREAKUP. I DIDNT HAVE A CLUE ABOUT HOW IT WORKED. I WAS LOOKING INTO OPTIONS AND BEING HONEST ABOUT WHAT I WAS THINKING. NOW I KNOW BETTER. THANKYOU FOR SETTING ME STRAIGHT ABOUT HOW IT IS. I WOULD NOT HAVE WANTED TO GO INTO IT DOING THE WRONG THING. THAT IS WHY I ASKED.
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #7  January 26,2009, 12:05am
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kat5560, wrote :

DONT GET UPSET WITH GUYS, OK,,,,if im heading in the wrong direction with this question. im new to all this so i reallly dont know the answer.


ive been posting this week and some will see i am in termoil relationship that looks as though it may be ending. (but it is never over until its is over). i would never cheat or start a relationship without leaving my first one. but one of the things i fear about leaving him is starting over alone and sitting an apartment by myself alone and depressed. (the alone part is devastating to me). it would be nice to know i could have contacts or people to talk to.i know ending one cycle of llife and starting another is alot easier with new people around in your life.


what if.... i started an eharmony memebership to meet poeple on line (if i was totally truthful about my situation to them) and told them that i am just looking for contact and connection for people to talk to now,,,, but that there would be nothing more unless i reallly left my guy for good. (which it is looking that way).


i think others going through this know, the hardest part is leaving and being alone. it would be nice to meet some eharmony friends that i can talk to before i take the leap off the cliff alone.


but because i am moral and would never want to unset anyone or lead them on,,,, is this a really wrong thing to do?? or even against eharmony rules? i really dont know.
Like you said 'It isn't over 'till it's over." and to do something like this is literally the first step in admitting it's really over. You get some guy who comes on to you that knows you're vulnerable and he'll say anything to get you to go out with him and pretty soon you've got a huge problem. And you are very vulnerable right now because you're already lonely inside the relationship and looking for comfort. I suggest you seek it in friends and family close to you that can support you through this and perhaps even a counselor.


Being afraid of being alone isn't a good foundation to start any relationshp(s) with men online or in the real world. There are a lot of wackos out here.


We all have to face our own demons after a break up and one of them is loneliness but it doesn't mean you have to isolate yourself. You can get out and do things with friends and find hobbies or classes you can take to fill up that space with positive things to do. Don't avoid those feelings by hiding in another relationship because it's a rebound effect and it rarely works out. Allow yourself to find your own life and decompress to evaluate what didn't work about the previous relationship so you can see where your patterns are. You'll come out a lot stronger person and be able to choose men with healthier personalities.


I think you've already made your decision to leave the man. You just haven't done it physically. If you had any plans to try and work it out you'd be seeking advice on how to stay in the relationship, so tell yourself the truth: It's scary to be alone, but you want to end it. There's nothing wrong with that but don't try and go through a back door you absolutely know isn't gonna work. Any guy who wants to date you while you're still living with someone else isn't gonna be doing it to be friends with you.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #8  January 26,2009, 5:59am
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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So ...you are basicallyasking forthe opportunity to search for your nextrelationship before you end yourcurrent relationship because you are afraid to be alone?


I feel sorry for the poor suckers that get matched up with you ...
 
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grlnxtdr is offline grlnxtdr Post #9  January 26,2009, 9:17am
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It seems to me that you are only looking at the negative aspects of being single. It is time to develop a positive attitude toward it. Here are a couple reasons why it is great to be single:


1. You can do whatever you want, no compormising.


You can live wherever you want, even another country!


You can buy a pet and give it a silly name that no boyfriend in the world would agree to like fluffball, or smoochybear.


You can watch whatever you want on T.V. all the women's lifetime you can handle.


You can eat whatever you want, cook or don't cook, it's up to you.


You can buy whatever kind of furniture you want.


You can flirt with and even go out with anyone you want.


You can travel to a place your boyfriend would never want to go.


You can be messy or keep the house spotless.


You can buy whatever you want, no questions asked.


And last but not least, you can enjoy being alone. Enjoy the wonderful silence. Listen to your innermost thoughts and desires. I am sure that you have given up some pursuits and dreams while in the relationship...now is the time to find them again.


You will make new friends, reach out to people, male and female. Do some volunteer work...if you're feeling lonely, why not visit an old folks home? Old people love to talk and arerarely listened to.


I agree that you should not be on Eharmony. It is not fair to all those looking for a relationship when you are only looking for friendship. It seems as if you are looking for advice and guidence more than a relationship...which is what these boards are for...so use the boards for advice, but don't falsly place yourself on Eharmony to find friendship. Good Luck,,,and stay positive.
 
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vapsman88 is offline vapsman88 Post #10  January 26,2009, 9:34am
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Ahhh, and such a loving environment. This is why I normally don't stray from CSC.
 
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