Betrayal: 5 Steps to Help You Move Forward

Betrayal: 5 Steps to Help You Move Forward

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Betrayal: 5 Steps to Help You Move Forward


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RobInPlano is offline RobInPlano Post #21  February 7,2009, 2:52pm
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Excellent article.


After some soul searching, I have realized thatI have been stuck on step 3 for many years.


I don't dwell on the past... but any time something bringsit to mind (like the idea of moving on), the wounds are so raw and run so deep that I've all but resigned myself to the idea that I may never heal. I think these kinds of wounds must take a very, very long time.


Step 4 was very insightful. The idea of rebuilding trust in yourself is exactly where I'm at. I don't trust myself. I don't trust my ability to choose a mate. I don't trust myself to love someone, because I don't trust the decisions I could make. I know that I love blindly and deeply, and so I now protect myself by notallowing love into my life.


I don't think the article will help me move forward... but at least it does a good job of explaining the natural process.
 
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Uncle Apple is offline Uncle Apple Post #22  February 7,2009, 10:07pm
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Good adivce, and I agree with the article. But where wasall that advice, 5 years ago?
 
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laijune is offline laijune Post #23  February 7,2009, 11:58pm
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sincerre,474539 wrote :

Dear 67 year old lady from Phillipines.


Yes, he is betraying you. He was probably betraying his formal wife while she was mourning their son's death. I understand your fear of losing him, but he doesn't seem to have any feelings of sympathy toward you. He will probably get the girl from Chinapregnant and make her life miserable and make you feel like dying.


My dad who is now 70 cheated on my mom who gave him 4 beautiful children, 1 is me, 1 died after birth. 1 child is a doctor and me and my sister has a child each, therefore making my 70 year old, a Grand father.


Nevertheless, his cheating went on and on for 30 years. Every few years, I would hear them argueing, fighting, dad beating my mom... I was 6to 10. Everyday, I lived in a fear of them fighting, because it was so bad. In a country where I am born and lived for 12 years, it is not illegal to physically abuse a wife. Anyway, I saw my dad beating up my mom and told my mom to get a divorce...I was only 8 or so. She didn't and we all moved to US. Here, instead of heating her, he chose another way to hurt my mom. Cheating, cheating, and not giving her support in raising us.


He met a girl my sister's age (Like almost 30 years junior of my dad) and got her pregnant. He ended up taking the child away from her, as he is very good at manipulating girls, and is raising the child with his new wife who is basically there to cook, clean and keep him company in his old age. He is still hurting my mom and hurting us with his devotion to his new child, neglecting all his grand children.


My point, man's phsycological age will never change. His personality of not devoting to his family or child will remain no matter how old he is. If he doesn't know how to prioritize to make him and his family happy and content, he will use whatever way it is available to make HIMSELF seem important and happy. Him lying about you about the girl in China proves it. He probably told her he is separated or divorced and is on his way to sleep with her to prove to himself that he is young and attractive. He already wrote you off as incapable of making him feel young and therefore feeling self important.


I would immediately divorce him and take everything. Hope phillipine law is generous to you.

Thank yoou for the insight, i thought of leaving him, but i am already 58 years old, i need a man in my life to go through my old age, somebody whom i could talk, relate and to e with. i dont have the confidnce that i can still find someone, i have an approved immigrant visa to us, will i have a chance there, my friends told me that i look 10years younger than my age, being asian and chinese, maybe ?


You mentoned that your place of origin allows beating of wife, nay i know where do you come rom, if it is not too much to ask.
 
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MOVIES is offline MOVIES Post #24  February 11,2009, 6:39am
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eharmonyadvice, wrote :

If you've recently suffered the sting of betrayal, you probably feel like your life is spinning out of control. Between the tears, humiliation, and confusion, you may wonder how you'll ever survive. What follows are five crucial steps to successfully move forward and beat the bite of betrayal.
i completely understand those words. What do you do when you cant think about anything else and the memories haunt you? My best Friend slept with my boyfriend of two years while I still waswe were all friends and had a tight relationship. Eventually i got overit or at leat i thought i did andwe are friends again but about a year ago my sister who I use to confide it about the situation seemed to have some sort of dealing with him also. i happend to come across a phone bill on an account we were sharing together and found out they were speaking everyday un beknown to me. At this point i feel like karma is kicking my ass or something. I fell trapped and no where to go and nobody to talk about with. Once you've been betrayed by the people closest to you(my sister and best friend) where do you turn what to you do?
 
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savitoz is offline savitoz Post #25  February 14,2009, 6:21pm
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hi


plz help me like i have meet a girl at facebook & like her so much mean ready 4 serious relationship but she has with so much attitude . so i wana her at any step i'm ready to d0 it
 
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Writeangelmine is offline Writeangelmine Post #26  February 15,2009, 2:17pm
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karanina,452863 wrote :

hi i have just join


my relashionspih of over 20 years has ended my ex left because he fell in love with some one else and she makes him fill alive were i was to involved with my work with taking care of our family and home and him that I forgot to stroke is ego...


I feel just like you have said in the five steps but I;m not able to moveon.


but i will do my best to put it into action.
Karanina


I am going thru a divorce right now after 25 years of long relationship and withthree children. I know it is not easy but I am woman who learned thru the years with the ups and downs. I became stronger that I surprised myself. I read a lot and decided to continue having a close relationship with God and I have the freedom to continue doing it by loving and appreciating myself, doing things that are positive, helping others and changing my way of thinking. I do encourage you to accept that if something is not for you LET IT GO, learn to practice the GOODBYE GIFT. DO NOT RETAIN SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU. LET HIM GO AND ALLOW GOD'S BLESSINGS TO ENTER INTO YOUR LIFE. THE MORE YOU KEEP THAT PERSON WHO DOES NOT APPRECIATE YOU, THE MORE YOU STOP GOD'S BLESSING INTO YOUR LIFE.
 
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SoOverIt is offline SoOverIt Post #27  February 16,2009, 3:15am
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karanina,452863 wrote :

hi i have just join


my relashionspih of over 20 years has ended my ex left because he fell in love with some one else and she makes him fill alive were i was to involved with my work with taking care of our family and home and him that I forgot to stroke is ego...


I feel just like you have said in the five steps but I;m not able to move*on.


but i will do my best to put it into action.**
The idiot did you a favour and himself none. I know it's hard to see that but lets consider the facts here....

He had an opportunity to grow, to become more mature than the 12yr old within by appreciating you for who you are. He decided, no thanks I'd rather be Peter Pan and take the next woman who strokes my ego instead. She will last only as long as it takes for another woman to come along and pay him a bit more attention than she does. In the meantime he retains the emotional maturity of a 12 year old. That won't be attractive when he's 60 and alone. Nice going...

You are now 100% and conveniently free of someone who quite likely just drained your energy and made you feel small and insignificant. Not only that you are now really clear on being with someone who appreciates you for who you are, rather than your ability to fill their emotional void. You have become stronger, and will eventually love yourself more through this experience. In time you'll find a lovely mate who will be so much more to you than this bozo ever could have been.

When something leaves your life, it's always a good thing because they make room for better things. Sure enough we don't have to like the way they do things, mostly the way they do things is total crap. But if you can see it as a reflection of who they are, and not a reflection of who you are, then things will be easier for you.
 
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dreamaon is offline dreamaon Post #28  February 18,2009, 2:29pm
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Hi I just joined,


After seven year with my boyfiend, I discover he was cheating. I noticed a change in his behavor about 6 months ago and I asked him if evething was ok. He told me I was starting trouble and that eveything was fine.


I started my own investigation and discover a phone number that kept showing up on his caller id. Two or three time a week. With the help of the internet I found out who this number belonged to. It was a female. I then found outwere she lived. I did a drive by one night and my boyfriend car was at her house. I left my business card on his windsheild and drove home in tears. He called, we made up, when on vacation and I forgave him.Two months later I catch him again at the same house.This time I wait until he leaves and confont him. I'm calm and kool, don't want to make a scene. Can't afford the drama. Again we make up and make a New Years resolution to be honest and communicate our feelings to each other.


He contined to take phone calls from this lady and she was even at his house. I've found boxes of condoms, cards and gifts. Hewanted me to believe he had stopped all communication with this lady, and that things between us were just fine;but I knew different.On valentines day I presented him with a "Dear John" letter, and left.The sad thing isthat I love this man, and miss him already; but I can no longer trust him. I keep asking myself what did I do wrong. Why do I always get the cheaters. My ex-husband of 12 yearswas a cheater too. DoI have some type ofsign onmy back that says "Cheaters please apply" 12 years with one man, another seven years with this one. I'm 43, I can't afford to keep hooking-up with men who can't be faithful to me.


Betrayal sucks, especially after being in two long term relationships. I am determined tosurvive this incident. Whycan't men just be honest? Give a women the choice to stay or go, instead of cheating......
 
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missb is offline missb Post #29  February 20,2009, 1:33pm
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Hi. I was recently engaged to a wonderful man loving caring all the things that you wanted.We were engaged on Nov 15, 08. We were happy. till the middle of dec he started pushing me away and not being very attentive to me. We went on vacation around christmas time and nothing had change., still pushing me away and i was worry. I aksed him if we were ok and he said yes and if not he would let me know. By Jan as him we need to talk about whatever was bothering him. So Tues we was surpose to talk, but insteadhe caught a phone call and left the house. Well he didn't come home at all, so i call him all night long. He never responded, so i was worried and call his work to see if he went in. I got a rude message from him and that we would talk when he get home . He call of the engagement and blame it on my son. a week an half later a young lady and a family friend came to tell he he was having an affair with her mother a coworker at work and i had a right to know what he was doing. It has been going on for sometime they told me. Boy was i shocked and hurt.


He kept tell me it wasn't true and the woman is divorcing her husband the same time he was breaking up with me. We can be friends and i care about you is what he told me and kick me out of our bed.I finallly confront him but he is sticking to the story he gave me. The is bragging on myspace. they both are a bunch of cowards, i was also told that he does this alot. I am glad we did not get married. As they say what goes around comes around.


It stills hurt but i am taking it one day at a time.
 
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Xfiredadof1 is offline Xfiredadof1 Post #30  February 20,2009, 3:19pm
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I wish I would have seen this 3 years ago when I caught the mother of my year old child in bed with a "friend" from high school. I wouldnt have gone back for 3 years of cheating and hell that I did, also wouldnt be in trouble with the law.This time she was planing to leave me for someone at work who is a bigger cheat and player then her thats married.You cant make someone stay loyal who is thinking of being with someone else when your with them. The two of them can have eachother, shes cheating on him now asI type this.I just wish they would leave my child with her with me.
 
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