taosguy74 is offline taosguy74 Post #1  January 22,2009, 2:22pm
taosguy74's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jan 2009

Taos, New Mexico

Posts: 12

See profile



I'm at a loss! I dated a woman for 2 years plus with the intent of getting married. We had intended in Sept. but for financial reasons we put it off for a year. All was well, we had our ups and downs but always work through them. I always heard from herthat we were partners for life and mates for life. Suddenly a few month ago she started to pull away. It became a effort for her to share intimacy (not just sex). Even when we hung out together we still had fun. Suddenly over the holidays she ended it. Lots of shallow excuses...when even up to a week earlier she still stated she loved me. Now she's gone. I'm so heartbroken sometimes I feel as if I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. I tried so hard andI know thatin my heart Iloved her deeper that any of her previous boyfriends. I feel so at fault even though I honestly believe I did my very best. I am so confused and hurt. Tears fall at all times, lost weight and getting out of bed is hard. How can someone change without any warning and be so cold. Please I need some words of encouragement... I know someday she'll look back and realize she lost someone who would have loved her until the end of time
 
  Reply With Quote
Cntrl is offline Cntrl Post #2  January 22,2009, 2:44pm
Cntrl's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 7

See profile



It's not over she needs some space. The reason only she knows. The most important thing you can do is get out of bed and do activities on your own. What I have learned is if someone suddenly stop it isnecessary that you do the same or you. Don't let this lost consume you for too long. You will learn and grow from this experience. When she does call or attempt to contact you demand to know what went wrong to cause a break-up. As of now it does not matter. People always thing the grass is greener on the other side.
 
  Reply With Quote
nancymargrit is offline nancymargrit Post #3  January 22,2009, 3:01pm

getting the garden ready

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2008

Posts: 1,419

See profile



I'm sorry for what you're going through. I'm not sure if anyone can tell you anything that will make this easier to take.


Other than the intimacy issues, did she give you any kind of indication that she would do this?
 
  Reply With Quote
taosguy74 is offline taosguy74 Post #4  January 22,2009, 3:33pm
taosguy74's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jan 2009

Taos, New Mexico

Posts: 12

See profile

nancymargrit,445843 wrote :

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I'm not sure if anyone can tell you anything that will make this easier to take.


Other than the intimacy issues, did she give you any kind of indication that she would do this?
No!Nothing like I said out of the clear blue sky!
 
  Reply With Quote
angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #5  January 22,2009, 3:58pm
angelofmerci's Avatar

loves the feel of the wind blowing in his face while riding the curves

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2008

Posts: 1,302

See profile



Although the circumstances of the breakup were different from yours I went down the road you are heading right now. My appetite decreased until I went from 160 to 128 lbs. I did not feel like going or doing anything but sleep. Things that once held my interest no longer did so. I let this go on for almost six months until I almost committed suicide. When I snapped out of things I took up running and started meeting new people. Please do not go down this dark road.
 
  Reply With Quote
mkeys81 is offline mkeys81 Post #6  January 22,2009, 7:06pm
mkeys81's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Nov 2008

Atlanta

Posts: 576

See profile



Man i went through the same thing... i dated a girl that had us move from atlanta to michigan so she could pursue a goal of her own, the whole time i'm under the impression that his is a relationship that has a future - marriage, family, kids, in-laws - the whole nine yards. not a month or two after we get there she starts pulling away, 4 - 5 months later she tells me that she no longer loves me... no no wait, "i love you, i'm just not 'in' love with you anymore". after that came even more excuses. as it turned out she had cheated on me with some frat boy at msu because in her words "i didnt know if i still wanted to be with you anymore and this was my way of getting the ball rolling".


sorry to tell you mate but i have good and bad news for you... the good: most likely it was nothing you did that caused it to end, the bad: that means there is nothing you can fix to make things right. she is just an emotionally unstable person and in all reality, like myself, you are much better off without her.


i went through all the things in exact detail that angelofmerci went through before i was finally able to put things into perspective. hear me now mate, this is important... THERE IS NO CLOSURE, THERE IS NO WHY, THERE IS ONLY WHAT IS. don't make things harder on yourself by trying to figure out what happened, i know you sit in bed every night replaying everything in your head trying to figure out what happened and no matter what, you can't make it stop. but let me tell you first hand, you will never know.the more you try and figure it out, the harder its going to be. please, you just have to come to terms with what is.


somethings simply cannot be answered - this is one of them. your only play here is to just accept what happened and know that you will grow from it and one day she might look back and see what a horrible mistake she made or she won't. as far as her coming back or realizing what she had, know this; there is a reason why she did what she did, normal balanced and mentally healthy women do not act like that, there is something misfiring in her head that's cause the situation your in. that isnt to say that she is any more or less crazy than the rest of the women i the world but there is deffinately something wrong. that something isnt going to be fixed in a matter of weeks or months. she needs a lot of time to really figure out what she truly wants in life and the sad part is that doesnt ever have to happen.


do not call her, do not texts or email her - let her go. know that only two things are going to come of that. one is that it will just drive her away even further, the other and most importantly is that it's only going to make things a hundred times harder on you. if she contacts you about being friends - tell her your not interested in talking to her, that simply isnt possible, i know this because of what you wrote and that tells me how you feel.


do everyrthing you can to stay away from her, you saw what you needed too, this girl isnt ready to be wife material and won't be for quite some time.


good luck
 
  Reply With Quote
maddy31 is offline maddy31 Post #7  January 22,2009, 7:08pm

Is leaving and wishes all happiness.

Quick Study

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 199

See profile



taosguy74, wrote :


I'm at a loss! I dated a woman for 2 years plus with the intent of getting married. We had intended in Sept. but for financial reasons we put it off for a year. All was well, we had our ups and downs but always work through them. I always heard from herthat we were partners for life and mates for life. Suddenly a few month ago she started to pull away. It became a effort for her to share intimacy (not just sex). Even when we hung out together we still had fun. Suddenly over the holidays she ended it. Lots of shallow excuses...when even up to a week earlier she still stated she loved me. Now she's gone. I'm so heartbroken sometimes I feel as if I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. I tried so hard andI know thatin my heart Iloved her deeper that any of her previous boyfriends. I feel so at fault even though I honestly believe I did my very best. I am so confused and hurt. Tears fall at all times, lost weight and getting out of bed is hard. How can someone change without any warning and be so cold. Please I need some words of encouragement... I know someday she'll look back and realize she lost someone who would have loved her until the end of time


I'm so sorry you are hurting, If it helps I understand the feelings of such a deep loss. My ex and I were together for 2 1/2 years, and when it ended he was still telling me he loved me and I was the love of his life. But it wasn't true because he was involving himself with someone else and I went from being the one for life, to the one that was plan b, while pursuing plan a.


I do know now there were warning signs and I know as painful and dark as it seems now, once you focus on the situation , you will see you too had warning signs. It didn't just happen , It was an ongoing happening. But because you worked through the ups and downs before you didn't want to see it was anymore than that, and she didn't want to tell you it was ending for her


The one thing you MUST do is stop blaming yourself, If what you're saying is true and you did everything you could then how is her losing interest your fault? And of course tears fall and sadness has taken over, it's a loss,and maybe she will wake up one day and realize she lost a good thing, but for right now , for today..cry one last time and get out of bed and pull yourself together and try putting YOU back together..grieving has to be part of your recovery, but you wont start recovery without putting yourself first.


It doesn't matter why it ended, how it ended or what caused it..when it's ended nothing matters but YOU.Give yourself a gift of healing and stop stop stop the crying.


wouldn't you hate to wake up one morning and realize that while you were feeling sorry for yourself and crying that your future was looking for you and you missed it because you were still crying for what was gone?


Now Get up, let it go and let the healing begin


GL and sorry so long but it's my gabby day
 
  Reply With Quote
nancymargrit is offline nancymargrit Post #8  January 23,2009, 5:54am

getting the garden ready

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2008

Posts: 1,419

See profile

taosguy74,445887 wrote :

nancymargrit,445843 wrote :


I'm sorry for what you're going through. I'm not sure if anyone can tell you anything that will make this easier to take.


Other than the intimacy issues, did she give you any kind of indication that she would do this?


No!Nothing like I said out of the clear blue sky!
Sorry. I've never been through something like this myself. There's no advice I can give you that will help you deal with this better. Hopefully someone else can do a better job than I can.
 
  Reply With Quote
simpletonHeart70 is offline simpletonHeart70 Post #9  January 23,2009, 9:31am
simpletonHear…'s Avatar

hopes for better weather.

Enthusiast

Joined: Jan 2009

United States

Posts: 801

See profile

mkeys81,446360 wrote :

Man i went through the same thing... as it turned out she had cheated on me with some frat boy at msu because in her words
When I read the OP this what I figured was happening. Whenever a SO pulls away and is no longer interested, usually someone else is holding their interest just fine.





Don't wait on her, screw that, life is too short. The one thing I've learned is that when a woman says something don't try to read in to it. No matter how confusing women are, if she says it's over, move on and don't look back. It does yourself no good to ponder what she really means or if she's playing games to see if you do what she wants. Or if she wants space. Or whatever.





Find something that can occupy your thoughs and keep busy with life. It's tough for the first several months, even a year, but eventually you will get past it.
 
  Reply With Quote
metamucilmuffin is offline metamucilmuffin Post #10  January 23,2009, 11:08am
metamucilmuff…'s Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Oct 2008

Toronto

Posts: 143

See profile



So sorry you're going through this. First, the clichés that apply here: "It's not you, it's her." & "You need closure." Maybe it's over, maybe not, but no matter what, you have toget on with your life. To do that, I think you need to understand why this happened. After 2 years, she owes you a decent explanation. She might give you one if she sees you are really intent on moving on. Or maybe you could speak with a mutual friend or one of her relatives; if they respect you and hate the insensitivity she has shown you, they might give you the real story. But be warned: the truth might hurt even worse than this. And it could be that the flimsy excuses she gave you were the reasons- maybe she is that shallow.Hopefully you can begin to heal once you know for sure. Good luck, and hang in there.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« Is this the right decision? | Relationships | Engaged, but really confused »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Absolutely not. I have no idea why allowing gays to marry would affect anyone's lives, unless they're sexually insecure about themselves.” –  sun73

Join the “Did our President give up the election for a single issue?” discussion

“I learned that the woman's communication style has to fit mine or else it won't work.” –  sun73

Join the “Why do 40 yr olds still play games?” discussion

“Here's where to email if you think a match might be a fraud: matchconcerns@eharmony.com . Tell them the match's name and location so they can find them. If what's making you suspicious is an email ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“I know you clarified you just want a general opinion on when people bring this subject up, but I'm going to give you both that and also what I believe you should do. The general idea most of the ... ” –  Herkemer

Join the “When is it time to discuss your position on having kids?” discussion

“And that's a very valid point. I get the feeling that eHarmony is keeping their price high to show they they are not cheap and therefore, their members are serious.It seems to me that combining the ... ” –  MicMan

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“How long have you all been on EH? Thanks for the advice. I signed on in late April 2012 but have been on other dating sites in the past.” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “New Here” discussion

“The only one that bothers me is the "they weren't his kids so meh ..." But there could be a whole world of story behind that. Like "she dumped me and it was painful and I hated losing the kids in ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 11:20am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0