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snookerpoo4u snookerpoo4u is offline
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hmm... not sure, r u still Doug? lol It's too bad cuz u was the most fun bf I ever dated but I knew I deserved better than a guy sleeping with other girls with our long distant relationship and my pictures to not be removed while I was away. When we were togetherI sure enjoyed our destination unknownbike rides, work outs, dancing when we did go out, shopping,gr8 sex life andkisses for no reason &many many laughs. Our confident bond everyone knew us by.I think you truly saw who I was becuz you help bring outall the fun things in me thatI enjoy doing but for some reason you were not loyal or faithfull to me/us. I pray that it must have happened for a reason that I cannot explain right now.You always wanted to see my own my own bike that I wanted, I can't waitto tell you one day that I am a proud owner of a Ninja 750R hahaha!
- January 29th, 2009, 04:13 pm
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par3eagl par3eagl is offline
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What is a "loving" relationship if more than 50% of them fail for reasons including, but certainly not limited to cheating. Everybody has a "cheating" story. Maybe if we look at social anthropology we will recognize that monogamy is not normal for either men or women.


I would like to ask people on this thread the following question: Why do we all put such dramatic stock in monogamy?? Monogamy has failed for thousands of years. Should we think we are "bad", or "imperfect" if we have strong feelings for another member of the opposite sex? Maybe this is "normal", and the judeo-christian definition of "man/wife", or a relationship is what needs to be challenged.


Wouldn't life be much easier for all relationships if their was a genuine platform of love and mutual respect, but that the realtionship allowed the ability to enter into other physical encounters with mutual disclosure? I think our divorce courts would be far less clogged. "Til Death Do Us Part" use to mean 15-20 years maximum. We are all living longer healthier lives? Are we to believe that we have only one soul mate and that we will find them on Eharmony, or Match, or the neighborhood watering hole, or a ski slope??


I just put on my football helmet, shoulder pads, and mouthguard and am expecting a barrage of rocks, bullets, tomatoes, and four letter words.
- January 29th, 2009, 04:44 pm
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diyer diyer is offline
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ssharp77 wrote :

happiecamper wrote :


I believe that ONCE/AlWAYS. My first husband cheated on me and remarried shortly after our divorce. He is now cheating on his second wife. His second wife and I are completely different and their relationship is completely different than ours was.


Also, my second husband cheated on his first wife and cheated on me after we were married. Same goes here, two entirely different women, two entirely different relationships.


So two men have proven...once a cheater, always a cheater.


I DEFINITELY say... Once a cheater, always a cheater. Your ex proves this with his new wife. And I have too many friends (on both sides of the spectrum - men and women) who are habitual cheaters and I see the exact same pattern that your ex shows.


People who are screwin around with someone who is cheating on their significant other should really stop and think about this:


If someone cheats WITH YOU while they are in a relationship with someone else, and then wants to be with you, do you really think you're going to settle them down and keep them from cheating on you??


Those who believe they can change someone like that have far more faith in people than I do, and I wish you the best if you truly think you can!
Amen to the thought you posted about expected to cheat with someone and then not have them cheat on you. In spite of this....these are the guys that the women seem to flock to and are the guys who are running around making babies and then making tracks. The number of single women on the net seems to be disproportionately large with women that have been victimized by their own ignorance.....lack of objectivity......or whatever you want to call it. Never have cheated on anyone and I am proned to taking a break from relationships for several months before wading in again. That is why nice guys finish last.
- January 29th, 2009, 05:02 pm
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Dgirl Dgirl is offline
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I haven't read all of these posts so someone has perhaps said this already: Cheating isn't about the person who is being cheated on or even what is lacking in that relationship. It's all about the cheater not having the balls to say they don't want to be exclusive, or it's not working for them. They therefore lack integrity or respect for themselves because they can't do the easy thing - the right thing. They are not worthy of someone who understands that a vow or commitment is a promise to be honored. It is impossible to take a cheater seriously.
- January 29th, 2009, 05:17 pm
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luvmtains luvmtains is offline
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Of course some cheaters do change though it may take years. Poeple grow up, they learn how hurtful it can be to all parties involved and they may even lose interest in cheating. Another factor that may predict a cheater who does not change is sexual addiction..for those I would give up hope.
- January 29th, 2009, 05:48 pm
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tbesq wrote :

I don't think that is necessarily true. Sometimes whether someone cheats really depends on that dynamics of that particular relationship. People generally don't cheat unless they feel they're lacking something in that relationship, but they often lack the fortitude to discuss those issues with their partner. It is easier for them to try to ignore the confrontation and seek what they want elsewhere. While this may be a character flaw, I don't think it means you can never be trusted in any other relationship for the rest of your life.
I think you make a good point. People can change, although it seems the reality is that it is more the exception than the norm. Also, I think that sometimesthe dynamics of the relationship where the cheating took place does have something to do with it. But there are many instances where a person just decides to cheat, and that's that.
- January 29th, 2009, 06:11 pm
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rlw2009 rlw2009 is offline
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nunbttr wrote :

happiecamper wrote :


I believe that ONCE/AlWAYS. My first husband cheated on me and remarried shortly after our divorce. He is now cheating on his second wife. His second wife and I are completely different and their relationship is completely different than ours was.


Also, my second husband cheated on his first wife and cheated on me after we were married. Same goes here, two entirely different women, two entirely different relationships.


So two men have proven...once a cheater, always a cheater.


Daaammmmmnnnnn, judge ALL cheater's by the action of two individuals. I'm impressed. There are NO absolute's. Maybe SOME people (man OR woman) who cheat, are serial cheaters, but not everyone who cheats will do it again, in a different setting. There are as many different reasons for cheating as there are cheaters. JMHO
I agree withnunbttr... I don't agree with once acheater always a cheater.


1. However, the cheating urges can be hereditary and run throughthe genes, or they just don't want to make any committments..they just want to play.


2. In general, I believe that theseso called cheaters just haven't found their true mate when they thought they did when they made a committment. Somethingor a lot of things has just fizzled out in their relationship (whether it's new or an old relationship). One of thecausescan bejustbeing boredof their relationship.Thus, the s/o or both is not full filling the important aspects & needs that make a relationship work. So now these so called cheaterslook elsewherein order re-fill their needs to to behappy again.I believeif theyEVER find the right person in their lives that full fill their needs and vice versa (takes 2 to tango), these so called cheaters will not cheat again...(unless theyfall in the #1 category above).
- January 29th, 2009, 08:44 pm
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Steve_Cam Steve_Cam is offline
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itsbits wrote :

Once a cheater, they have the ability to do this. It's easier do to if you've done it once before. And it's all about character...I had been married for 10 years and didn't get my needs met in that marriage for the last 5 at all. I never looked at cheating as an option. It's not something you have to do, it's a choice. Once you've made the choice, it's difficult not to rationalize it whenever you "don't get what you want" (read that in the baby..wahhhhh terms).
if youve never cheated,,then how would you know its easier once done?


-Steve Cam
- January 29th, 2009, 09:00 pm
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hoshang hoshang is offline
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being cheated on sucks i know because my ex cheated on me once and it made me feel like as if it was my foult
- January 30th, 2009, 02:15 am
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It takes something life-changing before someone gives up something that gives them good feelings.


A drunk doesn't willingly stop drinking, & a cheater remembers how good it feels to be wanted... there's nothing like partners in competition to give that feeling of being needed.


Having said this, nobody is going to stop drinking for love of another, & the same goes for cheating.


I had a very bad situation going that ended with me checking into detox 13 years ago. I don't care to drink, & I've been convinced that there are worse things than feeling unloved.


I've learned to get out of loveless relationships, before looking around... It's harder that way, for some strange reason there are a lot more opportunities when we're with someone than when we're alone... And none of us wants to spend extended periods of time alone!


But... being in triangles hurts! I'm done hooking up with married women, & I'm done hooking up while I'm with someone... Of course, I'm old enough that I'm not driven by the need for sex like I was when I was younger.


So... to summarize... A cheater is unlikely to stop.. If you are with one, you are going to be in a world of hurt... I've read about couples who changed their lives sufficiently that the underlying issues were resolved, [the founders of habitat for humanity] but I've never known anyone personally that was able to surmount this hurdle.
- January 30th, 2009, 07:04 am
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