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jdjackson wrote :

I don't believe once/always by any stretch of the imagination.
Only the dark side deals in absolutes.
- January 30th, 2009, 08:23 pm
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lacedwithhope wrote :

jdjackson wrote :


I absolutely don't subscribe to the "once a cheater, always a cheater," thing. People make mistakes. It's the people that don't bother learning from their mistakes that you have to steer clear from.


And exactly how, in a dating situation, do you know which ones to 'steer clear' from??





How would you advise your daughter (if you had one and she was of dating age): should she just disregard her date's confession of prior cheating and assume he had "learned from his mistake??"
I'd tell her to make sure she actually takes time to get to know someone before starting a relationship with them. That's the best one I can think of.


It's a pretty big rub. It's hard to really get that knowledge of someone on cursory glances. At the same time, dismissing someone because they screwed up at some point is cutting off what could be a possibility. Call me crazy. I don't believe in closing doors. Obviously, that's taking a chance that some people are assuredly not willing to take.


- January 30th, 2009, 08:49 pm
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Neill wrote :

Ok, based on the 1st page comments I am throwing this out there:


IF YOU DON'T TAKE CARE OF YOUR MAN'S NEEDS, ANOTHER WOMAN WILL.


Simple as that.
I agree and vice versa...
- January 30th, 2009, 09:05 pm
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Neill wrote :

Ok, based on the 1st page comments I am throwing this out there:


IF YOU DON'T TAKE CARE OF YOUR MAN'S NEEDS, ANOTHER WOMAN WILL.


Simple as that.
I agree and vice versa...
- January 30th, 2009, 09:05 pm
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sweetpea08, wrote :

After reading another thread today this question came to mind -again.


What do you think? Anyone feel they can disprove this notion?
I think it's a silly generalisation. It doesn't take into account factors like age, circumstance, remorse, or lack of......


I think alcohol isa factor that definitely clouds people's judgements.


However, if you are a serial cheater, that's a different thing. You've had time to think about the consequences of your actions.


If you cheated once, and sincerely regretted the consequences of your actions, the next time is inexcusable.
- January 30th, 2009, 09:11 pm
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Curious_Kitten wrote :

sweetpea08, wrote :


After reading another thread today this question came to mind -again.


What do you think? Anyone feel they can disprove this notion?


I think it's a silly generalisation. It doesn't take into account factors like age, circumstance, remorse, or lack of......


I think alcohol isa factor that definitely clouds people's judgements.


However, if you are a serial cheater, that's a different thing. You've had time to think about the consequences of your actions.


If you cheated once, and sincerely regretted the consequences of your actions , the next time is inexcusable.
Sincerely regretting the consequences of your actions is the important part here. Of course, that's what keeps you from becoming a serial cheater in the first place.


But yeah, completely agree with you here.
- January 30th, 2009, 09:15 pm
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Someone who cheats doesn't have a relationship. You don't need to go any further. If you feel the need to cheat get out of the relationship what ever the reason. It may be natural for others to stray such as part of your emotional development or DNA. What would be more troubling is for that individual whose cheating to actually stay in that relationship and continue this behavior. Have some intestinal fortitude and get help. No one should be subjected to this. Stop subjecting the other person in the relationship to your bad behavior.

One thing about the human species is the ability to adapt to almost any given situation whether good or bad. Get a grip on yourself and think about what harm you may be doing to the other person in the relationship.
- January 30th, 2009, 09:58 pm
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lacedwithhope wrote :

par3eagl wrote :


What is a "loving" relationship if more than 50% of them fail for reasons including, but certainly not limited to cheating. Everybody has a "cheating" story. Maybe if we look at social anthropology we will recognize that monogamy is not normal for either men or women.


I would like to ask people on this thread the following question: Why do we all put such dramatic stock in monogamy?? Monogamy has failed for thousands of years. Should we think we are "bad", or "imperfect" if we have strong feelings for another member of the opposite sex? Maybe this is "normal", and the judeo-christian definition of "man/wife", or a relationship is what needs to be challenged.


Wouldn't life be much easier for all relationships if their was a genuine platform of love and mutual respect, but that the realtionship allowed the ability to enter into other physical encounters with mutual disclosure? I think our divorce courts would be far less clogged. "Til Death Do Us Part" use to mean 15-20 years maximum. We are all living longer healthier lives? Are we to believe that we have only one soul mate and that we will find them on Eharmony, or Match, or the neighborhood watering hole, or a ski slope??


I just put on my football helmet, shoulder pads, and mouthguard and am expecting a barrage of rocks, bullets, tomatoes, and four letter words.


If you question monogamy, then fine. Just don't get married and recite wedding vows which include the promise to be faithful. Cheating (when married) is breaking the most important promise of all. People who break their promises have a major character flaw. If you can't keep it, then don't make it. How simple is that?
I agree, Lacedwithhope. My point is ALL OF US, should rethink what marriage is. Should we keep jumping off a cliff every day just because that's the way some Victorian England tradition dictates?? Even if we continue to go "splat" at the bottom? Or is a more intelligent approach to "turn the glass" for a slightly different view and redefine our relationships in a way that is healthy, honest, and will actually provide both parties the opportunity to havea happy, healthy relationship.


Since when does fidelity dictate happiness?? In fact, I would offer that in many relationships where fidelity is observed, one or both parties feels trapped stifled, stuck, confused.


Let's start a new paradigm that works for our generation and our children's generation. The younger kids aren't getting married because they see the system is broken. If something is broken, let's try and fix it. Remember people, the definition of insanity?? Doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result??
- January 31st, 2009, 08:53 am
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Great discussion. I signed up on here about 3 months ago looking for what I can't find locally. Have had about 40 matches, contacted 5 or 6, found 2 that clicked, one of which seemed like the one. We've been talking on the phone frequently for a month and really seem to be compatable.She's been divorced for about 18 months and last week I dove into asking about her previous marriage of 6 years and why it ended. She told me straight up that she cheated on him and wanted to be honest and up front about it with me. She said she was young,23, when she got married and they grew apart. She says she learned her lesson and wouldn't do it again. Initially this turned me off but after thinking about it for a day or so I thought maybe I could deal with it and give her a chance. After reading all the posts here, I'm rethinking it all. I meet a beautiful girl with a beautiful daughter and we seem to have so much in common, I hope my emotions don't overtake my good judgement.
- January 31st, 2009, 10:49 am
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ThePriestess wrote :

jdjackson wrote :


I don't believe once/always by any stretch of the imagination.


Only the dark side deals in absolutes.
But we have cookies!
- January 31st, 2009, 02:11 pm
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