marylovesplaya is offline marylovesplaya Post #11  January 20,2009, 7:09am
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is thinking too much!!!

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I would ask him. I ran into this with someone I met on another site. He seemed really into me and I really liked him but both of us were still on the site. (I was on more than he was.) I was kind of afraid to ask him because I was somewhat afraid of the answer. But I sent him a kind of joking message on it when were both on at the same time. And I told him why I was still on, mostly reading journals and forums and taking some quizzes and also emailing with a couple of people that were kind of pen pals. I actually felt a lot better once it was out in the open. It didn't work out for us (for different reasons) at the time, so I'm glad I didn't delete my account too soon. We still message each other on our personal email once in a while. Maybe something will pick back up again when he gets through what's going on in his life. But I will say I am tempted to check how often he's on, etc., though I've been able to resist the temptation.

I'd definitely bring it up with him. Seems like you've been seeing him long enough that it should be addressed. And he'll probably be relieved too (one way or another.)
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #12  January 20,2009, 7:15am
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Basically, until you've had the "exclusive" conversation, and are boyfriend and girlfriend, he's free to date other people.
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #13  January 20,2009, 10:58am
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me4u, wrote :

I have been seeing a great guy since October. He has introduced me to his family. He asked me about meeting my kids. We spend every other weekend (when I don't have my kids) together. We meet up on occasion during the week. He says he is not dating anyone else and he knows that I am not either. He sometimes makes reference to the future. He even told me that he "loves me to death." The one thing I can't seem to get past is that he is still logging into an on-line dating site (same one I met him from!) All indications are that he is "into" me, but I don't understand his continued "search." I don't want to ask him about it for fear of pushing him away, but I'm not sure how to take it. I am not a pushy person and I keep reminding myself that we are just dating its no big deal. Should I just be patient because its too early to ask about or should I bite the bullet and ask?? I cancelled my membership to the dating site months ago.Any advice or opinions would be appreciated.
For all his affection for you, I'm not hearing him say he wants to be exclusive . . . and this IS a big deal if he's talking about loving you and wanting a future. It's a big deal to you and that makes it important as well. I wouldn't want someone spouting these kinds of things to me and still keeping his options open online. Either he wants a committed relationship or he wants to continue dating other women. It's pretty simple. You haveevery right to ask him what's up with this so you know what's going on.


If he's willing to be exclusive fine then he needs to get offline, but if he still wants to date others, it's best not to invest in this guy any more emotionally then you already have.
 
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tkaster is offline tkaster Post #14  January 20,2009, 11:34am
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Online dating brings in that very strange factor of "term". You could meet someone great the first day and then be on for whatever you agreed to term-wise. Years ago whe I was on Yahoo and met "the horror" I told her Oh I'm cancelling my membership because I met you.


So if you meet someone great the first day fine. If you signed up for a seven year bonus package I don't think you are looking for a long term relationship. If you signed for three months like me, hey tell 'em... I've got a three month membership and unless this is the love of your lifeor you are sharing bedspace already Iwould say "well I just want to see what matches come in"


This is one of the reasons why anything online is sometimes tooooo transparent.
 
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PY is offline PY Post #15  January 20,2009, 11:43am

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Tougher if you've already been physical....even just a simple kiss on the lips. This is why I normally just stick to blowing a kiss from about eight feet away...I don't feel guilty telling them, I still go out on dates with others..but that's soooo 2008. I'm back to reality now LOL
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #16  January 20,2009, 2:01pm
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3-4 months seems like a perfectly reasonable amount of time to me to have the "are we exclusive" convo.
 
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me4u is offline me4u Post #17  January 20,2009, 7:14pm
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jayjay,440404 wrote :

Red Sox Girl,440342 wrote :


You have to ask him. If you both don't discuss this, you'll go on indefinitely like this. Be brave and bring up the topic. Just be prepared for an answer you don't want to hear, and amke sure you know what direction you want to veer in, regardless of what answer you get. Don't settle.


Yes...that's the best idea. Also....remember, if you're seeing that he's online, this probably means that you're logging on too. Maybe he's wondering why every time he logs on he sees that you're online too.
Just FYI, he can't see me on there because I don't have pic, profile or name. I just signed up for the free "browse" part, just so I could see if he was still on there.


I appreciate everyones advice. I will be having the "are we exclusive" chat very soon. Then I will see what happens after that.


Thanks again for all the advice!
 
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