Still hurting over cruel breakup


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taosguy74 is offline taosguy74 Post #1  January 17,2009, 11:53am
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Being broken up with on Christmas Day was so hurtful. Dysfunction and all. I will miss Linda more than I will ever imagined. Everything about her was beautiful...until the craziness of the daughters. Someone had to go and it was me.... as Jesus said "why are you so afraid do you have no faith." My heart breaks thinking that somewhere down the line there will be someone besides her but me. That's hard!!!! How do you get past that pain
 
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Scruffie55 is offline Scruffie55 Post #2  January 17,2009, 12:20pm
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taosguy74, wrote :

Being broken up with on Christmas Day was so hurtful. Dysfunction and all. I will miss Linda more than I will ever imagined. Everything about her was beautiful...until the craziness of the daughters. Someone had to go and it was me.... as Jesus said "why are you so afraid do you have no faith." My heart breaks thinking that somewhere down the line there will be someone besides her but me. That's hard!!!! How do you get past that pain
How does anyone get over the loss of anybody else? It is probably one of the hardest questions to answer. We all feel pain in a different way. It's what we do with it that makes the difference I guess. The hardest thing is to not turn your pain onto yourself. You never want to try to think about her with anybody else, doing anything else, or what could have been. That is not the reality here. The reality is what happened. Are you a good person? Do you feel as though you had some good times with Linda? Did you learn anything about yourself while you were with her? Give yourself a break and grieve for a while. It hasn't been very long. We have all been in your place. I am in pain now from a breakup just a few days ago. I know that kicking myself around, and forgetting who I really am, doesn't help. You need to reach out to friends, relatives, a counselor, anybody that will listen. Talking helps a lot. It helps clear out the fog that you probably feel. I felt like I was under water, numb, but I am not going to let myself go. That is too easy. It may be harder, but more satisfying to rise above it all. Take baby steps. I feel that you are in so much pain that you could be deperate. Please try to think of something else by watching something funny on t.v. Read a good book. This may sound inane, but taking your mind off of it helps, and allowing yourself to do something normal and fun, is o.k. It's not o.k. to let your emotions mess up your brain chemistry. I'm just saying, take each day, and try to do something for yourself. Try to enjoy something. I wish I had some magic words, I can only speak from my heart. Just know you are not alone. Reaching out on here is even good. Although you may have to slog through a bunch of advice like mine For what it's worth, I'll be thinking about you, and not feeling like I am all alone either. Good luck!
 
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kath72 is offline kath72 Post #3  February 3,2009, 4:34pm
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sending you a big hug. I'm in a similar position. My boyfriend of 8 years recently broke up from me in a dysfunctional way by sleeping with someone else the night we got back from a beautiful and happy time on holiday (after making sure I was expecting him home early on our first night back after the holiday). I went into denial and accepted his lame excuse as his behaviour came out of the blue and was too much of a shock so he did it again a couple of days later. I didn't believe him capable of being so deliberately hurtful. He has no sense of guilt or remorse and I am still in deep shock. When someone you love leaves you in a dysfunctional way it feels harder to accept. I KNOW what it feels liketo feel desperate and want ANY way out of the pain. I thought I might just die of a broken heart but I haven't. This happened in September and now the pain is lifting. I'm beginning to understand new things about myself - things that will bring me happiness. You never know whats round the corner. Have faith. You can't imagine it when the pain is so intense. But it WILL pass - hang on to that. I didn't believe the pain would ever lesson let alone go but now I can see light at the end of the tunnel and there is for you too. Don't give yourself a hard time because you are grieving. Its okay to grieve and feel sad. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the love you need right now. Spend time with family and friends. Don't suffer alone. Jesus also said that all who are carrying heavy burdens should call on him for help and he will be there. I feel that prayer has helped me a huge amount during this time. I'll pray for you too (you too Scruffie - good advice, big hug to you too). Try to have courage. People do recover from horrendously painful experiences and enjoy life again - you just can't see it while you're in it. BIG HUG OXOXOXOXOX
 
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BrownIkid is offline BrownIkid Post #4  February 4,2009, 7:45am

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why do you let one variable in the entire universe stop you from being happy? if she didn't want you, then its her loss. there are others out there, ya know.
 
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mkeys81 is offline mkeys81 Post #5  February 4,2009, 9:02am
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just take things an hour at a time, a day at a time and it will get better.
 
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kath72 is offline kath72 Post #6  February 5,2009, 3:22am
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mkeys81,470647 wrote :

just take things an hour at a time, a day at a time and it will get better.
mkeys - how long did it take you to really recover from what happened to you? (saw your post about your bad break up) what really helped you to pick your life up again?
 
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Steve_Cam is offline Steve_Cam Post #7  February 5,2009, 7:10am

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what a downer thread...I am going to go cry now


-Steve Cam
 
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Jazmintte is offline Jazmintte Post #8  February 5,2009, 7:43am
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*hugs taosguy*


In one way or another, all breakups end up dysfunctional and painful. Friends, family, and onlinechat buddiesare my main key to recovery every time. Talking about it, as painful as it is, gets you through today so you can make it to tomorrow. And there will be tomorrow....
 
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mkeys81 is offline mkeys81 Post #9  February 5,2009, 11:21am
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kath72,472071 wrote :

mkeys81,470647 wrote :


just take things an hour at a time, a day at a time and it will get better.


mkeys - how long did it take you to really recover from what happened to you? (saw your post about your bad break up) what really helped you to pick your life up again?
You read my orginal post on these boards about my own break up? kudos, that was a long read... what helped me was finally realizing and truly coming to terms with everything i suggested in this thread. it didnt matter how i felt for her or what i was willing to go through, the only thing that mattered was how she didnt feel for me and that point was made very clear.


the other thing was the amount of negativity i went through in so many different ways that once things started to become clear and i was able to put things into perspective and come to terms - all the little things that happened, all the big things that happened helped to nail the coffin shuti guess you could say.


i also had the help of getting some really quality advice on these boards and sometimes when i would be feeling awful i would come back to the threads and re-read everything i wrote and everything that was writen to me. that would help me remember somethings and again, help me to put everything into perspective.


when people scre w us over its never easy, the best and really the only thing we can do is learn from it and continue the daily grind that life is sooo freakin generous to grant us.
 
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dnnmllr is offline dnnmllr Post #10  February 5,2009, 12:19pm
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taosguy74, wrote :

Being broken up with on Christmas Day was so hurtful. Dysfunction and all. I will miss Linda more than I will ever imagined. Everything about her was beautiful...until the craziness of the daughters. Someone had to go and it was me.... as Jesus said "why are you so afraid do you have no faith." My heart breaks thinking that somewhere down the line there will be someone besides her but me. That's hard!!!! How do you get past that pain
.....recommend reading, Mars and Venus Starting OverBy John Gray. Here is a description of the book. The description is a quote:


".....At the end of a relationship, it can sometimes feel like the end of the world. Devastation, loneliness, and bitterness are some emotions that exist due to a breakup, divorce, or the loss of a loved one. But with the help of this compassionate guide, Dr. John Gray expresses that you will survive and tells you how to find love again.


While the process of healing is similar with both sexes, there are distinct differences between the ways men and women heal their bruised hearts. In Mars and Venus Starting Over, Dr. Gray offers gender-specific advice on how to:
[*]Deal with pain [*]Find forgiveness [*]Discover the strength to let go [*]Rebuild confidence [*]Rise to the challenge of finding fulfillment again [/list]

Filled with gentle guidance, healing practices, and compassionate wisdom, Mars and Venus Starting Over will help men and women explore the meaning of loss, find their way through the healing process, and discover the secret to moving on....."


I wish you well.
 
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