Red Sox Girl is offline Red Sox Girl Post #1  January 16,2009, 5:54pm

It's almost time folks.....

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Honestly, I myself would never date someone who is separated. But there are women who will give you a chance - but at the very least you need to have that information out there up-front. Not wanting to sound harsh, but withholding information because "when I wasn't listed as single nobody was paying any attention to me" is unacceptable. You'll likely find that more people will give you a chance if you're honest.
 
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ilovethemoon is offline ilovethemoon Post #2  January 16,2009, 6:02pm
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You ABSOLUTELY need to be honest. If you respect who you are talking to, it is the least you can do. That doesn't mean they need all of the details the first time you talk to them. Seeing someone who is separated can be an additional hurdle than someone who is divorced or single. I actually just got out of a relationship with someone who was separated but on eH. Our relationship was great while he was separated, then when the divorce went through... everything blew up. We tried for six months after that time, but I finally had to leave and tell him he needed to figure his path out for himself.

Don't take what I am saying the wrong way... at the time I met him I had just broken off a 6 year relationship... See people, but just be honest with them. It will help you be honest with yourself while you are moving through your divorce.
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #3  January 16,2009, 6:02pm
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To me separate is still married...off limits both legally and emotionally. I've seen many go back to their partners and I just feel it is disrespectful to the marriage which is still valid. I've even seen people accused of breaking up the marriage because they dated someone that was separated whether they knew it from the beginning or not.


If you're going to date...be honest from the start. You are separated...not single and technically still married. If the woman doesn't care...then you got a date but please respect the ones that do consider marriage something to respect.
 
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treatmesweetly is offline treatmesweetly Post #4  January 16,2009, 6:07pm
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If you are separated, you are still married. Most women have no interest in the drama of a relationship with a married man. Do yourself and your prospective dates a favor... Finish one relationship before attempting to start another.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #5  January 16,2009, 6:16pm
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It really does not bode well if someone lies about themselves right at the outset. You are a total stranger. If one of my first impressions of you is that you are a liar, I will not be able to trust you to be completely truthful and honest later, so I will not be interested in getting to know you.


Being honest about your situation might mean that few people will pay attention, but they will be the few that will be accepting of your circumstances.
 
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SomeGuy is offline SomeGuy Post #6  January 16,2009, 6:24pm
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MelinCali,435234 wrote :

It really does not bode well if someone lies about themselves right at the outset. You are a total stranger. If one of my first impressions of you is that you are a liar, I will not be able to trust you to be completely truthful and honest later, so I will not be interested in getting to know you.


Being honest about your situation might mean that few people will pay attention, but they will be the few that will be accepting of your circumstances.
You're right. All of you are right actually. I feel like an ass about it now, so I changed my profile to Separated. Thanks for your input.
 
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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #7  January 16,2009, 6:26pm
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I'll echo what everyone has said so far if only to reinforce the two main points. You are still legally married so some, probably most, women will give you a wide berth. Lying by omission about your marital status will ensure that nobody will give you a chance.


When you say that you are getting a divorce later in the year, do you mean you will file then or the divorce will come through then? If you haven't filed yet, why not? In that case, should you even be considering dating at all?
 
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m8se69 is offline m8se69 Post #8  January 16,2009, 6:32pm
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You are separated, but not going to get a divorce until later this year? What exactly does that mean?When you state it that way, you are married. Period.However, if you or she has all ready "filed" for divorce, then you can state that you are "in the process" of getting a divorce. I believe that most people understand that it takes time to get through the courts.


But if you are simply "taking a break", as a form of separation to see if either of you want to proceed, then I got news for ya...you are married. And not too many women want to be the "let's see if I can still get someone", or the "can I really do better than my wife", woman. Or the "rebound" girl.


Get your life in order, figure out what you want in life before you start to drag an innocent person into it. And if you are on EH...they are opposed to "married" people joining their site...so right off the bat, you have lied. At least let any future matches know that up-front, and don't be surprises when they "poof" on you.
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #9  January 16,2009, 7:37pm
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SomeGuy, wrote :

Hi there,


I am separated from my wife and we are going to get a divorce later this year. I really want to be dating now
Wait until you have your final divorce decree in hand before you start dating.





.................................








YOU HEARD ME.
 
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AlisN1dlan is offline AlisN1dlan Post #10  January 16,2009, 9:09pm
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SomeGuy, wrote :

Hi there,


I am separated from my wife and we are going to get a divorce later this year. I really want to be dating now, but I don't want to scare anyone away by telling them too much too soon. At the same time, I don't want to seem dishonest by not telling them enough.


How soon should I tell my date that I am separated from my wife? I met a girl online and in my third email, I made a joke about something we had been discussung, and then said this:


"Speaking of what brought us to this site, I got out of a long term relationship as well. ...um a marriage actually. I know I'm listed as single on my profile, when I
could be listed as separated, as the divorce has not gone through yet, however
when I wasn't listed as single nobody was paying any attention to me. I hope you
don't think that's dishonest. Anyway, I want to be up front and honest about the fact
that I am separated. We never had any kids and it is most definitely over. By law I'm still attached but to me I'm happy and free! If this makes you uncomfortable in any
way, just let me know."


She didn't email me back. Is what I did so wrong? What do women think about dating someone who is separated?


Thanks
No one was paying any attention to you because they didn't want to end up as part of your transition back to being single. The end of a marriage is one of the most traumatic events you can go through - even if you think you're fine and ready for another relationship. You need time to get over it and put away at least some of the baggage. I would never go out with someone who was separated - and I certainly wouldn't go out with someone who said they were single when they were married.
 
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