When Friends Get Jealous

When Friends Get Jealous

This discussion is based on an Advice article:
When Friends Get Jealous


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
eharmonyadvice is offline eharmonyadvice — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  April 29,2007, 6:41pm

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2007

Pasadena, CA

Posts: 848

See profile

It’s a sad day when good friends start acting strangely toward you when you’ve found new love. You two have been friends for as long as you can remember—what is going on?
 
  Reply With Quote
25rurouny is offline 25rurouny Post #2  May 1,2007, 2:29pm
25rurouny's Avatar

Unregistered

Joined: Oct 2007

(no location)

Posts: 1

See profile

good article.. could save many friends, thanks : )
 
  Reply With Quote
32Alexis is offline 32Alexis Post #3  May 1,2007, 3:02pm
32Alexis's Avatar

Unregistered

Joined: Oct 2007

(no location)

Posts: 1

See profile

I've had the same happen to me...with me being the "jealous" friend. I put jealous in quotation marks because I don't think I'm really jealous. I'm just...kinda upset that all my friends get the guy...and kinda upset that we don't spend any time together whatsoever. Like after your best friend (of YEARS) gets married...you know that the friendship, while it isn't over, its really slowed down to almost a halt.

So yeah, I guess I can relate.
 
  Reply With Quote
38Cathy is offline 38Cathy Post #4  May 1,2007, 3:23pm
38Cathy's Avatar

Unregistered

Joined: Oct 2007

(no location)

Posts: 1

See profile

I'm over 40 and my friends and I have all been married before. I have had friends drop out of contact when they meet a new man. While I understand a new relationship takes time (and we all have limited time to spare) I also know friendships are very important even if you should get married again. It's almost like we forget the lessons learned in our lives and resort back to the "Prince Charming" myth.
 
  Reply With Quote
50Don is offline 50Don Post #5  May 1,2007, 3:49pm
50Don's Avatar

Unregistered

Joined: Oct 2007

(no location)

Posts: 1

See profile

I have been there myself before,both as the jealous one and as the one scratching my head wondering why I'm getting the cold shoulder! This was great advice that everyone should use!
 
  Reply With Quote
51Geri is offline 51Geri Post #6  May 1,2007, 3:53pm
51Geri's Avatar

Unregistered

Joined: Oct 2007

(no location)

Posts: 1

See profile

I've experienced a curious response of negative comments and questions upon announcing I had a new love interest. It seemed a combo of jealousy, fear, lack - and I insulated myself while I thought it over.

Perhaps we become so jaded by disappointed relationships or in our own lives that we lose the ability to be happy for someone. Or perhaps we feel the competitiveness that parallels junior high, when hormones and insecurities take over our life.

Perhaps we are truly concerned for our friend and leap on any opportunity to find fault with a new romantic interest who has undoubtedly been thru his/her own share of the wars that life brings.

In my own case, I quit talking so much about the new 'him' and especially voicing my own concerns about him until I could explore the realtionship further as those comments came back to haunt me repeatedly and magnified.

It reminded me of when my kids might have had a spat with a neighborhood child, and by the time I became inbroiled in the situation, and was considering contacting the other set of parents, the kids who had been fighting an hour earlier had long since kissed and made up and were playing the 3rd inning of their ball game. ~ Geri in Palm Beach
 
  Reply With Quote
74LoriElwood is offline 74LoriElwood Post #7  May 1,2007, 4:23pm
74LoriElwood's Avatar

Unregistered

Joined: Oct 2007

(no location)

Posts: 1

See profile

Although it may come off as cold or jealous, there is a flip side too. What if your friend feels uncomfortable with the CHOICE you are making with a mate? What if the significant other has some values or actions that are in disagreement with you and your friend? Maybe your friend is too love struck to see the true facts? This is a problem. Sometimes people have intuitions and they are right. So how do you conquer that?
 
  Reply With Quote
82Kelly is offline 82Kelly Post #8  May 1,2007, 4:34pm
82Kelly's Avatar

Unregistered

Joined: Oct 2007

(no location)

Posts: 1

See profile

I can completely see this, it's not jealousy per se but definitely when your friend becomes involved in a serious relationship your friendship has to change.
 
  Reply With Quote
86Kathy is offline 86Kathy Post #9  May 1,2007, 4:36pm
86Kathy's Avatar

Unregistered

Joined: Oct 2007

(no location)

Posts: 1

See profile

I am at the opposite end of this situation. My best friend found someone but she is the one that pulled away from me and cannot seem to make room in her life for her best friend and a man. We are as close as sisters but when she met this man and started dating him she began lying to me and canceling plans with no notice and I would find out later that she was with him and not really where she said she was going to be. I ended the friendship simply because we have gone through too much and I have been too good of a friend to be treated this way and especially be lied to like this.
 
  Reply With Quote
92Ceecee is offline 92Ceecee Post #10  May 1,2007, 4:41pm
92Ceecee's Avatar

Unregistered

Joined: Oct 2007

(no location)

Posts: 1

See profile

I would have to comment on that and say that it's a great article. However, what about a friend that you have relations with? What to say about the feelings of that person when a woman/man start seeing people with you knowing and then they find someone that they really want to be with and they don't want to be with you? How can you handle those situations? Nowadays that is how some male/female friendships are.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Bad Match or Just a Rough Patch? | Relationships | When do you give up completely? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Absolutely not. I have no idea why allowing gays to marry would affect anyone's lives, unless they're sexually insecure about themselves.” –  sun73

Join the “Did our President give up the election for a single issue?” discussion

“I learned that the woman's communication style has to fit mine or else it won't work.” –  sun73

Join the “Why do 40 yr olds still play games?” discussion

“Here's where to email if you think a match might be a fraud: matchconcerns@eharmony.com . Tell them the match's name and location so they can find them. If what's making you suspicious is an email ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“I know you clarified you just want a general opinion on when people bring this subject up, but I'm going to give you both that and also what I believe you should do. The general idea most of the ... ” –  Herkemer

Join the “When is it time to discuss your position on having kids?” discussion

“And that's a very valid point. I get the feeling that eHarmony is keeping their price high to show they they are not cheap and therefore, their members are serious.It seems to me that combining the ... ” –  MicMan

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“How long have you all been on EH? Thanks for the advice. I signed on in late April 2012 but have been on other dating sites in the past.” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “New Here” discussion

“The only one that bothers me is the "they weren't his kids so meh ..." But there could be a whole world of story behind that. Like "she dumped me and it was painful and I hated losing the kids in ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 11:18am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0