Not your "typical" male sexual problem. I could use your opinion. (long post)


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ZskiL is offline ZskiL Post #1  March 27,2008, 7:32pm
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Male, 43, 6'-3", 215 lbs. In shape living a healthy lifestyle. The issue: I was involved in a motor cycle accident 20 years ago. My genitalia was severely injured against the motorcycle gas tank. Everything "down there" is normal as to appearance. The problem: I can easily become sexually excited and I can get and maintain an erection. But due to the injury, the diminished sensations make it impossible to achieve orgasm when penetraing vaginally and very difficult manually. Sex for me can and usually does last for as long as she is willing to "go at it." But, most times it lasts for upwards of 60 minutes or more before it becomes too much for her. Many times it will result in her helping me achieve orgasm manually. Early on in relationships, the stamina is real exhilarating for her. She will generally be very amazed that I would give her several orgasms and concentrate on her pleasure before I even think of ejaculating. She will find it unselfish of me to go this long before she eventually helps me. This is all good at the beginning of the relationship. History: When I was younger, achieving and knowing that I was rigid was never a problem. I could get hard and I knew I was hard. Relationships at this time in my life were such that they did not last last long. Hence- the feelings of her self image of me not being able to come were not really an issue. I am now at a stage in my life where the erections still are achieved quite easily, but I can start to lose it while performing intercourse- only I won't know it. The only exception now is such that I will not always know of the diminished erection due to the decreased sensations resulting from the motorcycle accident. I do take the popular prescription medications on the market for erection problems. This helps my confidence with respect to knowing I won't lose my erection (very similar to my younger days.) Consequences: At this stage in my life, the relationships are lasting much more than 2-3 months. Over the course of recent relationships, the initial amazement and satisfaction on her part of my stamina wears off. She will eventually feel unsatisfied because I cannot achieve pleasure (ejaculation) in the "traditional" ways. She will become unsatisfied with the relationship which eventually dissolves. My last 3 relationships (lasting from 1-3 years) have ended because of this sexual oddity. The dilemma: I am very timid about being proactive in initiating contact with several women of whom I find attractive. My last relation ship ended because of all I described. I thought that we had worked through these issues, but in the end she did confess to me that she was sexually unsatisfied. My situation is causing me to not be outward towards my contacts because of the fear of future rejection. My relationship now are meaningful to me and i do not think that I can take another heartbreak. I am now upfront (at the appropriate stage of dating) about my situation. She will re-assure me that it is not a big deal and that we can work through it. As the relationship grows, I gain more feeling towards my partner. But the ensuing heartache that occurs is really devastating. My questions: How do I deal with this in my new relationship? I want to be involved seriously with one woman. I want to express feeling of commitment and grow emotionally with my partner. My recent experiences are now much more stinging when it ends. And, it does end because if my situation. Any and all comments and advice is greatly appreciated.
 
 
andrewa is offline andrewa Post #2  July 3,2009, 2:33am
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Sorry to hear that you have been through this but there is nothing to be shy or embarrassed about this. This can be due to various reasons, but there is nothing to be worried about as Erectile Dysfunction (inability to sustain erection) is a very common disorder which most men face in there life at some stage for one reason or the other like high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, fatigue, stress, physical injuries, certain medication, smoking and alcohol consumption. The exact reason behind the problem can only be judged by a specialist and only then one should use the medicines prescribed. Viagra is a FDA approved drug and is used to cure erectile dysfunction in male. So just consult a specialist, get to the root of the cause and have the medication prescribed and surely you can get over your problem.
 
 
Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #3  July 3,2009, 12:33pm
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Don't jump into the sex right away, let some rapport develop. Then start with other types of affection. Focus on her, not yourself. most women don't walk away from that
 
 
Vibrant is offline Vibrant Post #4  July 3,2009, 1:00pm
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as I woman, I can understand where your partner would feel a bit sad that she can get all the pleasure and you much less. but in my opinion, no woman would leave a great guy just because he can not reach an orgasm. they may be using that as an excuse. I think once you are ready to get physically involved with somebody you need to sit down and have an honest chat about this issue. Once the honeymoon phase is over for her, try to alternate who will be the "lucky one" that night so that will releave the pressure for the woman to always have to "wait and help"...assuming she has an issue with that. Wish you best of luck!
 
 
neardc is offline neardc Post #5  July 3,2009, 1:00pm
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Toodles, sayonara, and happy trails! Wishing everyone luck and love...

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Please note that this is NOT a current post -- the OP posted this in March, 2008. The OP is no longer posting on eHA and it's very unlikely that he will see any new responses.
 
 
pamcam is offline pamcam Post #6  July 3,2009, 1:00pm
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At this stage and age in your life, I think you'll find that women are more accepting and less judgmental as we too grapple w/ self-image and sexual performance, perhaps b/c of a hysterectomy or mastectomy, or any number of "reasons." In a way, you have an "advantage" in that you have dealt w/, addressed, and made necessary changes along the way. You have overcome much and have a history of caring/loving relationships, despite the heartbreak and your identifiable fear of rejection and what at times must have been feelings of insurmountable frustration and disappointment that your response to and how you've dealt w/ it I think is commendable. You've taken many risks; just continue to take them; you'll meet the one who is the one. I admire the courage you have demonstrated in taking...relationship risks w/ another. Faith and trust...
 
 
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