Men / Women who are relationship addicts


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Steventhetravler is offline Steventhetravler Post #31  January 18,2009, 4:40pm
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I mostly find these stories incredulous to be honest - simply because it takes me so bloody long to find anyone worth being in a relationship with! I don't know if I could find men "back to back" to forge relationships with, even if I wanted to!


But I guess that's the key - people like this probably aren't being choosy, they just don't like being alone, like has been said here already.


I'd rather be alone than with someone who doesn't push my buttons.
It's honest all the way, sounds like to me your being way to selective. I actually, pre qualify my Matches in my profile..... if they close me out (1 in 8) so be it, its really one more I do not have to eliminate.I'm really grateful they close me out right away. My interesting question for women is this, from a woman's stand point, would you rather have love and loose than never have love at all? Also, from my standpoint...... would it be better for meto find the most compatible woman and scuttle three others after 6 months, or be saddled with someone I'm not happy with for years? Done that.... and do not want to get into that situation again ever! I know I will have to say goodbye to several Women, but as you point out lots of women are doing it, so what's so terribly wrong with men being selective also.... for a change?
 
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Aussiegirrl is offline Aussiegirrl Post #32  January 18,2009, 4:52pm
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scorpio, wrote :

Why do some people constantly jump from one relationship to another? They spend most of their lives inback-to-back romanticrelationships,converse only about the relationship they're in and are usually in another relationship before the last one has cooled. They seem like true relationship junkies.


Currently, I know two women, a longtime friend and a relative, who have recently started new relationships afterallowing just a few weeks between each one. Does anyone else think this is odd? Both women are attractive,intelligent and extremely responsible in their business dealings, but appear fickle inhow they handle their romantic lives.


The longtime friend and I have known each other for about 20 years. But in many ways I feel like I don't know her at all because she has never been single long enough for us tospend any quality time together. Shortly before Christmas, she sent me a CD of a song she had written. I listened to it, called her and left a message that I liked it. She has notyet returned my call. Her usual pattern is to start a project, become enamored of it and then let it fall by the wayside because she meta new man.This pattern is repeatedfurtherby her tardiness in returning her phone calls.


For the past ten years, she has been essentially unavailablebecause she married, divorced and re-married the same man without telling anyone until the marriage was well into it's second year. When that marriage ended, she began a new relationshiptwo months later. Whenever we talk, the conversation is about nothing buther relationship, which is now into it'sfirst year.Sheseems unable to stick to committments to meet for lunch, go shopping oreven attend an art event.


In the case of the relative, she is ending her third marriage, hubbyhasmoved outof the house two weeks now, and she istalking of nothing but the new man she's seeing. When we recently went to lunch, the entire conversation was about the wonderful attributes of this new man.


We had talked in depth about why she continues toform new relationships so quickly, andshe basically said it's because sheprefers being in a relationship, finds her own company boring and feels she is impulsive.


There is so much more I want to say about this, but I don't want to write an overly long post. Basically, the problem I'm having withboth women is thatI care about them, but they always seem to be "away." They live on the outskirts of my life.The people who know them only see them when they are between relationships. As morbid as it sounds, it has increasingly begun to feel like theyhave "died," very much like a person who is on drugs and "out there."


It seems to me that both women are addicted to being in a relationship, for whatever reason do not maintain LTR's and have chosen to constantly repeat an unhealthy pattern.


Could you share your similar stories on this topic? Do you think I should talk further with both women?

The problem with people like the two women you described is that they can actually end up being very co-dependent as friends, too. You are probably safer to keep your distance! They will learn whatever it is they need to learn about life in good time. There isn't much you can do, except maybe suggest they seek therapy! But if they are reletively happy and successful in other areas of their lives, then my guess is that they wont be interested in changing.


I have a close friend who behaves this way and she is extremely entertaining, but she always seems edgy and strung-out. I am kind of glad she lives in another city!
 
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Steventhetravler is offline Steventhetravler Post #33  January 18,2009, 5:00pm
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scorpio, wrote :


Why do some people constantly jump from one relationship to another? They spend most of their lives inback-to-back romanticrelationships,converse only about the relationship they're in and are usually in another relationship before the last one has cooled. They seem like true relationship junkies.


Currently, I know two women, a longtime friend and a relative, who have recently started new relationships afterallowing just a few weeks between each one. Does anyone else think this is odd? Both women are attractive,intelligent and extremely responsible in their business dealings, but appear fickle inhow they handle their romantic lives.


The longtime friend and I have known each other for about 20 years. But in many ways I feel like I don't know her at all because she has never been single long enough for us tospend any quality time together. Shortly before Christmas, she sent me a CD of a song she had written. I listened to it, called her and left a message that I liked it. She has notyet returned my call. Her usual pattern is to start a project, become enamored of it and then let it fall by the wayside because she meta new man.This pattern is repeatedfurtherby her tardiness in returning her phone calls.


For the past ten years, she has been essentially unavailablebecause she married, divorced and re-married the same man without telling anyone until the marriage was well into it's second year. When that marriage ended, she began a new relationshiptwo months later. Whenever we talk, the conversation is about nothing buther relationship, which is now into it'sfirst year.Sheseems unable to stick to committments to meet for lunch, go shopping oreven attend an art event.


In the case of the relative, she is ending her third marriage, hubbyhasmoved outof the house two weeks now, and she istalking of nothing but the new man she's seeing. When we recently went to lunch, the entire conversation was about the wonderful attributes of this new man.


We had talked in depth about why she continues toform new relationships so quickly, andshe basically said it's because sheprefers being in a relationship, finds her own company boring and feels she is impulsive.


There is so much more I want to say about this, but I don't want to write an overly long post. Basically, the problem I'm having withboth women is thatI care about them, but they always seem to be "away." They live on the outskirts of my life.The people who know them only see them when they are between relationships. As morbid as it sounds, it has increasingly begun to feel like theyhave "died," very much like a person who is on drugs and "out there."


It seems to me that both women are addicted to being in a relationship, for whatever reason do not maintain LTR's and have chosen to constantly repeat an unhealthy pattern.


Could you share your similar stories on this topic? Do you think I should talk further with both women?





YES, YES, YES........ I confess, I now have 4 Girlfriends that I am actually dating through eH. I'm over 65 and they are all in that same age bracket. They would alltell youthey are having an enjoyable relationship with me and life is good. I will eventually pick one... as the one I will settle down with, however I'm taking this winter and maybe most of next summer to choose which one is the most compatible with me. Fortuanately, none live even in the same state, so I'm able to pull this off. I have not been a good compatible Woman picker in the past, and I really want to get it right this time around. That's why I'm using eH. My close friends think I'm a relationship addict, however, I think it's about time that I"m thinking about, 'who's best for me the rest of my life," and look over whats available out there, instead of making a quick non-trial decision. I really think one has to actually live with someone to see if they are compatible or not, especially at my age. Of course, itworks both ways. so, I say nothing wrong with being a relationship addict if its for a final choice.


Hi, Steventhetraveler,


While I'm definitely not condoning dating four women atonce, I don't know if you would be considered a relationship addict if this is not a pattern with you. Sometimes EH members do date more than one person at a time.


Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for the reply. It's not a pattern with me, but it's easy for friends to think so. I'm definitely working on a final choice, but in fairness, I really need to give all interest women a real chance. I'm a catch,and the truth is ......... I know it. So, why not look around, this may well be my last chance. I'll never be as young as I am today, any arguments with that?
 
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Steventhetravler is offline Steventhetravler Post #34  January 18,2009, 5:00pm
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scorpio, wrote :


Why do some people constantly jump from one relationship to another? They spend most of their lives inback-to-back romanticrelationships,converse only about the relationship they're in and are usually in another relationship before the last one has cooled. They seem like true relationship junkies.


Currently, I know two women, a longtime friend and a relative, who have recently started new relationships afterallowing just a few weeks between each one. Does anyone else think this is odd? Both women are attractive,intelligent and extremely responsible in their business dealings, but appear fickle inhow they handle their romantic lives.


The longtime friend and I have known each other for about 20 years. But in many ways I feel like I don't know her at all because she has never been single long enough for us tospend any quality time together. Shortly before Christmas, she sent me a CD of a song she had written. I listened to it, called her and left a message that I liked it. She has notyet returned my call. Her usual pattern is to start a project, become enamored of it and then let it fall by the wayside because she meta new man.This pattern is repeatedfurtherby her tardiness in returning her phone calls.


For the past ten years, she has been essentially unavailablebecause she married, divorced and re-married the same man without telling anyone until the marriage was well into it's second year. When that marriage ended, she began a new relationshiptwo months later. Whenever we talk, the conversation is about nothing buther relationship, which is now into it'sfirst year.Sheseems unable to stick to committments to meet for lunch, go shopping oreven attend an art event.


In the case of the relative, she is ending her third marriage, hubbyhasmoved outof the house two weeks now, and she istalking of nothing but the new man she's seeing. When we recently went to lunch, the entire conversation was about the wonderful attributes of this new man.


We had talked in depth about why she continues toform new relationships so quickly, andshe basically said it's because sheprefers being in a relationship, finds her own company boring and feels she is impulsive.


There is so much more I want to say about this, but I don't want to write an overly long post. Basically, the problem I'm having withboth women is thatI care about them, but they always seem to be "away." They live on the outskirts of my life.The people who know them only see them when they are between relationships. As morbid as it sounds, it has increasingly begun to feel like theyhave "died," very much like a person who is on drugs and "out there."


It seems to me that both women are addicted to being in a relationship, for whatever reason do not maintain LTR's and have chosen to constantly repeat an unhealthy pattern.


Could you share your similar stories on this topic? Do you think I should talk further with both women?





YES, YES, YES........ I confess, I now have 4 Girlfriends that I am actually dating through eH. I'm over 65 and they are all in that same age bracket. They would alltell youthey are having an enjoyable relationship with me and life is good. I will eventually pick one... as the one I will settle down with, however I'm taking this winter and maybe most of next summer to choose which one is the most compatible with me. Fortuanately, none live even in the same state, so I'm able to pull this off. I have not been a good compatible Woman picker in the past, and I really want to get it right this time around. That's why I'm using eH. My close friends think I'm a relationship addict, however, I think it's about time that I"m thinking about, 'who's best for me the rest of my life," and look over whats available out there, instead of making a quick non-trial decision. I really think one has to actually live with someone to see if they are compatible or not, especially at my age. Of course, itworks both ways. so, I say nothing wrong with being a relationship addict if its for a final choice.


Hi, Steventhetraveler,


While I'm definitely not condoning dating four women atonce, I don't know if you would be considered a relationship addict if this is not a pattern with you. Sometimes EH members do date more than one person at a time.


Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for the reply. It's not a pattern with me, but it's easy for friends to think so. I'm definitely working on a final choice, but in fairness, I really need to give all interest women a real chance. I'm a catch,and the truth is ......... I know it. So, why not look around, this may well be my last chance. I'll never be as young as I am today, any arguments with that?
 
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sizzle is offline sizzle Post #35  January 18,2009, 5:21pm
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scorpio, wrote :

Why do some people constantly jump from one relationship to another? They spend most of their lives in*back-to-back romantic*relationships,*converse only about the relationship they're in and are usually in another relationship before the last one has cooled.* They seem like true relationship junkies.


Currently, I know two women, a longtime friend and a relative, who have recently started new relationships after*allowing just a few weeks between each one.* Does anyone else think this is odd?* Both women are attractive,*intelligent and extremely responsible in their business dealings, but appear fickle in*how they handle their romantic lives.
Is it possible that because they are attractive intelligent and responsible that they are highly desirable women?

I just find it funny that some women complain about the fact that they have no luck in love, can't ever find anybody etc etc etc and then you have women that can't seem to keep themselves out of relationships. And then the assumption that women who are always in relationships must have something wrong with them. Perhaps, it's the women who never have relationships that have the problem.

And yeah, I am one of those women. I tend to have very long relationships (anywhere from 1-5 years) and then don't seem to stay single for that long. Is there something wrong with me? I don't think so. Part of the reason I don't stay single for long is because there is always someone interested in me and also someone I'm interested in. And before anybody says I'm only in relationships because I can't be alone, it's poo. I've been in love with everyone I've been with and am still very good friends with all of my exes.

So the question is: Is there something wrong with women who are always in relationships or is there something wrong with women who can't find a boyfriend to save their lives?
 
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Steventhetravler is offline Steventhetravler Post #36  January 18,2009, 5:48pm
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Bravo for you, baby, I say go for it, and live life to the fullest ! ! ! It takes a real woman to move on in her life and not carry baggage from past relationships on her back. Go get him Honey!
 
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Lindac7 is offline Lindac7 Post #37  January 18,2009, 8:04pm
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Sizzle,


There's another angle to this, and that is that people who go from one relationship to another with hardly a break in between can't be that picky about who they are dating, etc., or checking that hard for compatibility.


Sure, I could easily be in endless relationships with lots of men, too, but I prefer to be with someone who really fits me well, not someone who's only somewhat compatible but not really the best choice for me in the long run. Those relationships are destined to have a relatively short shelf life.
 
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Lindac7 is offline Lindac7 Post #38  January 18,2009, 8:15pm
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Steventhetravler,


Your situation is not the same as the one this thread is about. There is nothing wrong with dating more than one person at a time. That's not the same thing as being a relationship addict, which is someone who ends one relationship and goes right into another with no break, and their whole life essentially plays out that way. That doesn't sound like what you're doing at all.


I hope in your case, you'll stop seeing each woman as soon as you realize she is not the best fit for you, and not string her along for any longer than necessary while you focus on the remaining women you are seeing. Be nice and let them down as easily as you can.
 
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scorpio is offline scorpio Post #39  January 18,2009, 10:55pm
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scorpio, wrote :


Why do some people constantly jump from one relationship to another? They spend most of their lives inback-to-back romanticrelationships,converse only about the relationship they're in and are usually in another relationship before the last one has cooled. They seem like true relationship junkies.


Currently, I know two women, a longtime friend and a relative, who have recently started new relationships afterallowing just a few weeks between each one. Does anyone else think this is odd? Both women are attractive,intelligent and extremely responsible in their business dealings, but appear fickle inhow they handle their romantic lives.

Is it possible that because they are attractive intelligent and responsible that they are highly desirable women? I just find it funny that some women complain about the fact that they have no luck in love, can't ever find anybody etc etc etc and then you have women that can't seem to keep themselves out of relationships. And then the assumption that women who are always in relationships must have something wrong with them. Perhaps, it's the women who never have relationships that have the problem. And yeah, I am one of those women. I tend to have very long relationships (anywhere from 1-5 years) and then don't seem to stay single for that long. Is there something wrong with me? I don't think so. Part of the reason I don't stay single for long is because there is always someone interested in me and also someone I'm interested in. And before anybody says I'm only in relationships because I can't be alone, it's poo. I've been in love with everyone I've been with and am still very good friends with all of my exes. So the question is: Is there something wrong with women who are always in relationships or is there something wrong with women who can't find a boyfriend to save their lives?
Sizzle,


I don't question the fact thatthe two women I mentionedare highly desirable. Many highly desirable women don't necessarilyimmediately form a relationship with every man that wants them or shows interest in them.


The points Iraised in my post were the short time span between breaking up with one man and starting a relationship with another, focusingonly on the relationship and excluding so-called friends and centering entire conversations on the relationship. I think most emotionally healthy women would agree that this is unhealthy behavior. If a woman is coming out of a long-term relationship, two weeksis notenough time to commit to another long-term relationship. Personally, I think that's fickle, maybe even dangerous. You haven't given yourself time to get to know this person.


Like you, I have had long term relationships and have been in love many times. I am desirable,attractive, intelligent and responsible. I suppose if I picked up the telephone tonight, I could probably start a relationship with the man I met last week, but he would not bewhat I want, because I know who I am and what I'm looking for, having learned that frompast relationshipsand from taking the time to get to know myself.


The question you posed at the end of your post might be a question you would want to ask, but itdoes not reflect the point of my post. Neither does it reflect the views of other posters here.


This topic isn't about women who cannot find a boyfriend to save their lives, but about two women in particular whocommit torelationships too fast. Please re-read paragraph #2 in this post.
 
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curious_girl is offline curious_girl Post #40  January 19,2009, 1:12am
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Scorpio,


As usual, you're right. =) When a relationship ends, it takes time to first, accept that it is over, understand why it is over, and then heal from the break up and work on things you should have learned from the previous relationship and break up. These things take longer than 2 weeks for most people


And Sizzle, just because you can hop from guy to guy or girl to girl or relationship to relationship; does not mean that you should or that it is healthy. Lots of people are single because they choose to make sure they are ready for a new relationship, that they have the time, emotional, and mental availability to begina relationship, esepecially if they want to jump right into serious relationships.


I know several people, men and women, who seem to fall in love with every person they date; and then when its over, two weeks later they are well on their way to being in love with someone else. Makes me wonder how deeply and how truly that person is capable of loving someone. When you love someone, and the relationship ends, it hurts.


Isn't it funny how some of the most negative people don't have pictures posted? Am I the only one who notices that? Are you so desirable that you are afraidI'll fall in love with your avatar?


 
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