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09IMY 09IMY is offline
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Okay so this man after a month or so of dating we finally have sex, yes both of us said it was from the heart ...both of us had not had sex in at least two years so I wanted it to be with someone special. We have sex and his father dies (can't find the obit) but he still sticks to the story. I would text just to see how he was doing and we would semi communicate but after letting it go a few months I just wanted to know what happened. By the way I've never been married, he's been married twice with children from each exwife. So I asked for closure and he first he send me a "Hi there", I then asked for some closure and this is what he said "You are an awesome gal. Just perfect, I just got scared for some stupid reason. Very sorry very ashamed. All this did was make me like him even more ~ we are all human. What's wrong with me why can't I shake him?
- February 6th, 2009, 08:47 pm
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BostonJon BostonJon is offline
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Here's the thing. Most men get scared of actually liking the person. Or being out with the person arises new women to seek interest on him because they have seen the both of you together. Or his friends didnt approve. Or you just became too clingy. A man wants a woman to be there for him as a girlfriend. NOT as a new roomate/best friend. What I mean is, You like him so show him. But don't be overbearing about it. Don't text or call him too much. Let him be around his friends. But most of all, let him be the man that you met and started to care for. Let him be himself.
- February 8th, 2009, 04:42 am
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deegoesgreen deegoesgreen is offline
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56stillsurfing wrote :

Just found this page. Posted a query on another page, they suggestd I post same on this page. Here it goes. I've been a widow since 1997, don't remember much from 1996 thru 1998 except DJ'ing in a local night club & surfing. In 1998 I met a woman who took me "out of my shell", it got too close, I hit the waves for ? days. Since then it's been the the same thing. Meet, hook up, get close , hit the waves to think things out. When I get back relationship over. I( know I'm wrong, but, any input on how I can break this cycle is . well you know. Granted I'm a bleeding heart looking for a quick fix, but any input on what I could do besides running is needed. I've tried most of all the communication classes, but why when I express what is going on, nobody hears. Input needed. Thanx
One thing I've learned from conversing with other widowed folks for many years, is a definite fear of losing another SO/spouse. This may or may not be the case for you.


What you could do besides running is ask yourself: what do you really need and want from a woman. Your actions are your biggest clue. It's a cycle,meeting your short-term need and giving you that fix, as you noted. You need to nail down the fuel keeping the cycling going -- are you comparing women to your late wife, are you afraid of being widowed again, are you really happy with this lifestyle, but getting guilt-tripped?


I wouldn't say communication classes are needed, but maybe a good grief counselor could help. Good luck.
- February 8th, 2009, 08:09 pm
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khutchis13 khutchis13 is offline
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irshhnr4 wrote :

ive been dateting this man for six years and he still will not make a commitment.If I bring it up in any way he clams up.He will not discuss it in any way.I dont know what I should do any more.


Marie
I know this is an oversimplification, but what it really boils down to is how important something is to you. There are things a person requires in a relationship, and things they merely want out of one. If commitment is one of your 'must haves,' and he can't give that to you, then maybe you should think about moving on. If you are basically happy the way things are, stay.


If you've gotten to the point that you're willing to ask for advice, then I think you already know the answer. One thing I have learned is to trust my gut, even if I don't like what it has to say (especially if I don't like what it has to say). I have a friend in a similar situation and her primary reasons for sticking it out are that she's invested so much time that she doesn't want to walk away, and she's scared that she won't find anyone who makes her feel the way he does. Who knows, maybe walking away is what would finally get him to commit. If not, then you're better off finding out instead of living in limbo.
- February 12th, 2009, 07:18 pm
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headhigh87 headhigh87 is offline
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OK I WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A GUY FOR ALMOST A YEAR....WE STARTED OFF TAKING THINGS REALLY SLOW JUST LIKE HE WANTED...WE DID ALOT TOGETHER AND WE BOTH ENJOYED OUR TIME SPENT TOGETHER...HE WASNT VERY AFFECTIONATE AND I CONFRONTED HIM ABOUT IT THEN I JUST LET IT GO..I DID ALOT FOR HIM AND HIS ACTIONS DIDNT SPEAK AS LOUD AS HIS WORDS..ANYWAYS ONE DAY MY LIFE STARTING GOING DOWNHILL SO I CALLED HIM AND HE WASNT AROUND..HE KNEW WUT HAD HAPPENED AND THAT I WAS REALLY UPSET...I DIDNT GET ANY TEXT MESSAGES BACK OR ANY PHONE CALLS BACK FOR ABOUT A MONTH..I WAS DEVASTATED...HE WITHDREW...I NEVER UNDERSTOOD WHY..ABOUT A MONTH AGO I RAN INTO HIM AND WE TALKED ABOUT IT AND HE BLAMED IT ON "STRESS" AND UNTIL THIS DAY HE WOULD APPEAR IN MY LIFE FOR A DAY..LEAD ME ON..AND VANISH...I JUST DONT GET WHAT HIS DEAL IS! IVE DECIDED I NEED TO JUST STOP QUESTIONING IT AND LET IT GO COMPLETELY...I NEED TO STOP GIVING HIM THE UPPER HAND..RIGHT?
- February 15th, 2009, 11:36 pm
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KennyWally KennyWally is offline
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I don't know if I am typical, but here is what I have experienced. Lack of communication on the lady's part (and the guys). With the first, "Could be the Love of My Life," we both had schedules that didn't always match up, so we would meet for coffee most mornings, and take long walks. We were learning a lot about each other. When we were able to get time to be physical, the passion was dynamite. Then one day she started getting less communicative, and I didn't say anything. Then it seemed to get worse and worse. Then my mistake came in; I sent her a kind, sweet break up letter (stupid, and not the polite way to do things, I know). Then, when we talked later she said she had been withdrawing because she had fallen in love with me, and didn't think I would be willing to go the next step. By then, too much time had gone by and both of us felt too hurt by the way things had gone to go back.


When people say communication is the key, listen
- March 15th, 2009, 09:32 am
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westgalwaychopper13 westgalwaychopper13 is offline
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I withdrawled from a woman that I dated for 3 yrs. because no matter what I did to prove my love for her (even on small expensive vacations not to her expence), she denied , browbeat called me rude , vile disgusting names (in an airport mind you) because she thought she cought me looking at fat dumpy looking women on a beach when I certainly wasn't . Low and behold , she was spying and watching me no matter where we went to see if I was checking anyone out . I am no longer looking at the ground where ever I go ! 3 years of consoling flushed !!!
- April 24th, 2009, 05:42 pm
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NDC NDC is offline
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit wrote :

Takes a moment to breathe


Often times the man pushes and rushes us until you let your guard down, then BAM, they withdraw or run. Time for men to step up and be sure you know what you want beforehand. Don't rush us then panic onceyou've pushed us to the same page.
I ABSOLUTELY agree 100%!! You hit the nail on the head! I'm going through this now....and it SUCKS!!!
- April 26th, 2009, 06:46 pm
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MrBeenThereDoneThat MrBeenThereDoneThat is offline
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Perhaps men don't want to be trapped into the relationship of "LETS SEE HOW CAN I CHANGE YOU". I have heard an old adage that goes like this "Men marry women hoping they will not CHANGE, and women marry men hoping to CHANGE them". But why be forlorn. Let the men be Mary and all the women be firemen and all the little girls can grow up to be president. And as for the rascal little boys..put them on Ritalin and when they are old enough send them off to war. As a country and a society..."We have lost our way."
- May 21st, 2009, 04:28 pm
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Bandmate Bandmate is offline
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Another...why do men.... thread..it's because women.....
- May 21st, 2009, 04:52 pm
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