Dear CantBreath,


I'm so very sorry . . . .


1. Here's an extremely helpful book that you should get right away that will tell you exactly what you need to do. It's highly effective. Be sure NOT to let your husband see the book so hide it when you're away in case he enters the house. It's very important he not see what you're doing from this book.


The title is: Love Must Be Tough and you can get it quickly through Amazon or also through the library on interlibrary loan.


Don't delay. You will find it most helpful.


2. Additionally, you all can rekindle your marriage and there will be a section in the book on that with very specific things to do if you so choose. You're in a very powerful position right now and it's important to use it. The book will help you.


3. Keep in mind you're going through the grief process right now which a person does who experiences any kind of loss. The five stages are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.


I don't which of the stages you are but it's important for you to know it's a process and you need to give yourself time to grieve.


4. The most important thing you can do for YOURSELF right now is to FORGIVE him. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting.


Keep in mind that anger is the worm that destroys a person from within so you forgive him for YOUR sake - not his.


Forgiveness is a choice. Forgiveness is a process, not a one-time event. Each time anger at what he's done rears it's ugly head, voluntarily choose to forgive him as an act of yor will, even though you may not feel like it emotionally. Do it anyway for YOU!


Forgive as many times as you need to for anything he's ever done to hurt you. There's a wonderful resource: Total Forgiveness by RT Kendall that will be quite helpful to you. It's a thin book.


5. Don't discuss it endlessly with your girlfriends. It will only make you feel worse. Tell one or two very trusted friends so they can support you, provide encouragement to you, and nurture you. Such a person will listen to you rather than talk. Don't confide in someone who is bitter.


6. There's a non-profit organization called Focus on the Family that will help you for free. Your information is kept confidential. Call them at 1-800-232-6459 and do these three things:


a. Ask to speak to their Correspondence Dept. The person who answers the phone will take your name before transferring you. Everything is kept in confidence.


Once they're on the phone, explain to them exactly as you've written here and ask them for help. They'll have many resources available they can help you with. Make sure to ask them to mail you helpful information they may have. They have some resource lists you can receive free of charge. Ask about them.


b. Also. be sure to tell them you'd like to also speak with their Counseling Dept. This Dept. will take your number and call you at a time of your convenience within a day or two. They are licensed, professional Christian counselors, and they will be able to help you get going on a plan.


While they're on the phone, ask them if they have any counselor referrals for your area.


c. Thirdly, ask to be connected with their Chaplain's Dept. A Chaplain will call you back, again at a time good for you, and pray with you over the phone. This is much more helpful than you may think it to be. Additionally, keep in mind no situation is too hopeless for God. Prayer turns the hand of God!


Do these above things right away.


They also have a free monthly magazine that you can receive by the same name as their organization. Make sure to ask them for it.


7. It's very important you get plenty of sleep, eat healthy, exercise (it will help relieve stress), and just take care of yourself. It you need to cry, cry. Tears are healing. You may also want to talk with your pastor confidentially and ask for his prayers.


There is hope for you. Take heart . . . .


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