The "Ex" Files: Get Over Your Baggage

The 'Ex' Files: Get Over Your Baggage

This discussion is based on an Advice article:
The 'Ex' Files: Get Over Your Baggage


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eharmonyadvice is offline eharmonyadvice — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  September 15,2006, 3:33pm

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No one goes through life unscathed by baggage, but the good news is that you can welcome a new perspective into your life.
 
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504karen is offline 504karen Post #2  May 2,2007, 4:07pm
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Your ex is just that, your ex. Why go back into the past, when you may have the love of your life, right there. You could miss the chance of a lifetime, by thinking or talking about someone that is no longer there, and is a waste of your time. I had a long relationship, but trust me, I am more happier than ever. Life is way to short, too dwell in the past. We are not promised tomorrow. I am living for today. And you can really enjoy life, and be much happier. With someone that can truly make you happy. Let the past go, and look forward to the happiness that is coming your way. You won't regret it. I didn't. Thank you Eharmony. And I hope that you will have a beautiful day.
 
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870gail is offline 870gail Post #3  May 26,2007, 2:13am
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This little article woke me up to the fact that I DO need help getting over the horror that was my violent ex. I find myself working him into almost every conversation, in a negative way.Why can't I keep my mouth shut? Well my insurance just came through and I decided just now to go to a therapist and take care of this first thing in the AM. This pain was very great, but five years should be enough, and if I am ever going to find another partner, I need to let go of this!!! Thanks for the advice. G.
 
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915Marcia is offline 915Marcia Post #4  May 31,2007, 6:36am
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Well, I AM over the baggage. Most of it. My problem is in childhood mainly. Good news for me. I can get over the other and move on.
 
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918Bea is offline 918Bea Post #5  May 31,2007, 6:59pm
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It has been many years since my divorce so I find I have apparently "mellowed" with time & I look back with the attitude that it is his loss -not mine.He has not kept in touch with our daughter -again his loss. I think I have more fears of real loss thru death due to losing a fiance about 27 years ago .That is the baggage I will have to shed mentally & not be overly concerned every time I don't hear from a prospective partner for a couple days-especially as we aren't even dating yet! Many men really don't have that sence of time going by that we women do.Thanks Eharmony, for the "reality check"on baggage.I was surprised at my scores-much better than I expected.I feel more confident at the idea of starting dating again!
 
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1662Sue is offline 1662Sue Post #6  June 19,2007, 10:53pm
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I was married for many happy years. As a recent widow,it has taken me some time to decide to look again. I know how to nurture a good strong relationship and I believe that there is someone out there for me. I am going to have the hardest time with my "baggage" in that I will hvae to remember not to compare any new men to my late hsuband. I suppose that's no different than blaming a new man for an ex's shortcomings.
 
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1830tammyh is offline 1830tammyh Post #7  June 29,2007, 1:49am
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what happens when you can't get rid of the memories of your ex when 98% are good memories? and only have a small percentage of bed memories? when they both treated you the sameway.
 
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1947Mari is offline 1947Mari Post #8  July 4,2007, 8:04pm
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Wow! This is exactly what I needed! I knew there was some deep pain that I couldn't quite eradicate. This article gives me the steps to take to finally move on, and stop dwelling on the past. Thank you!
 
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3126tammy is offline 3126tammy Post #9  July 18,2007, 1:54pm
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what if the memories aren't that bad at all most of it is good like 98% but moved on to someone else but still can't forget?
 
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3128lori is offline 3128lori Post #10  July 18,2007, 1:55pm
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how do you dump the baggage when your newly divorced, live two miles apart (can't move kids out of schools), and he calls almost daily. He wanted a divorce-got it then won't let go??? Nothing worse than being divorced and "not being divorced." LOve him dearly, but he will never fix himself-doesn't want--can't unload HIS baggage of being unable to admit he went way over he edge, can't seperate from his mommy-yada, yada, yada. Loss is incredible as we had 90% excellent marriage over 14 years and two great kids. Any help appreciated. Thanks
 
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