Mixed Messages: A Surefire way to Doom a Young Relationship

Mixed Messages: A Surefire way to Doom a Young Relationship

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Mixed Messages: A Surefire way to Doom a Young Relationship


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eharmonyadvice is offline eharmonyadvice — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  December 17,2008, 5:48am

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The best way to sabotage a relationship is by not being honest about who you are and what you want.
 
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cho012345 is offline cho012345 Post #2  December 22,2008, 7:00am
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I truly believe that honsty is the best policy,but do to curcomstances,if you don't want to get hurt and can't handle the truth don't ask him/her questions about there past or present personnal bussiness. I do believe that a couple or family that prays together stays together Amen...
 
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itsbits is offline itsbits Post #3  January 3,2009, 6:27am
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Great article. Sometimes it's tempting to lie so that you won't get judged by a new partner and they can get to know you a little: But once they find out you lied, the relationship is doomed anyway. Also, I dated a guy that kept the ex around as friends (even showed me some picture mail that she'd sent him). That just ruined any chance that I could trust him or develop anything special. If I ever said, "her or me", I always felt it would be "her". Guys and gals, get rid of your ex's if you really want a strong relationship. Holding onto the past will definately stunt your future..
 
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DogparkAesthete is offline DogparkAesthete Post #4  January 4,2009, 6:54am
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itsbits, I respectfully disagree with your advice that people should "get rid of yours ex's [sic] if you really want a strong relationship." I am extremely close with one of my ex-boyfriends, to the point that he would certainly be invited to my wedding were I to get married.

You have to let someone do something untrustworthy to not trust them with good reason, and having a friendship with someone who was once a lover is simply not grounds to distrust someone. That you felt that you would "lose" if you offered him an ultimatum is nothing to do with him; perhaps it would be just as fair to examine why you would feel the need to offer up such an ultimatum in the first place.

If you have a respectful romantic relationship with someone, and neither person doe anything "wrong," per se, it's just not in the stars for it to last, there's no reason you shouldn't become friends again after you've healed.
 
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2HDDragon is offline 2HDDragon Post #5  January 11,2009, 5:24pm
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Mixed messeges shouldn't be digested as mis-interpreted?


I agree with (Maargaret) below, about exs in our lives. If your divorced, snd hsve children together then they are "OUR" children, and the exs, either an ex-wife or ex-husband should put the past behind and seek a common ground and you will be amazed at the way the children respect both parents for being on friendly terms.


My ex-girlfriend gave me a ride to pick up my daughters for a weekend after dating for several weeks, and after that day, the relationship was in termoil. The calls were less, trying to make plans turned into excuses why getting together for dinner, or plans for holidays got cancled, and then...the break up email on Christmas eve stating how my daughters were "baggage" and would only get in the way of our relationship...


Well, after the pain, and the shock, I told her goodbye, and never to contact me again, since my daughters will always come first, I just wanted her to be a part of my life with my daughters when they visit from out of state. Financialy I pay support for two daughters, and not rich enough to meet her Rich parents who own 4 houses , and was an embarressment to her.


I rather be poor paying child support for my daughters, knowing they will have a life better than I have growing up.. I am also working full time, and paying my way thru college and 14 months away from a BA.


My life is rich spiritually, and for my ex girlfriend, she will be poor and lonely for not knowing that, and I will continue to enjoy my daughters till I grow old and hold my grand children, tell jokes with my exwife and her new husband. As for me, time will keep moving forward,


Final thoughts, 3 sides to every story, yours , mine, and the truth. as for the truth, yo be the judge.


Stay well,
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #6  January 11,2009, 11:14pm
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I personally do not want to meet any girl's ex's unless she had children by them. I would want the ex to know whereI stood in relation to his children. I would not want to be introduced to one ex after another as I would feel like I wasnothing more than a trophy.
 
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suriche is offline suriche Post #7  February 2,2009, 2:58pm
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I 100% AGREE with the comment s about EX's in this article. Personally I think it is much healthier when starting a new relationship if both sides do not have contact with there EX's.


HOWEVER, sometimes ex's can stay together and have NO feelings for each other and just be friends. If you want this from your ex and you want a healthy relationship with someone else, then the key is to ensure you do NOTHING to put thoughts into your partners mind that could make them question your own thoughts/actions. For example, only meet your ex with a group of friends, invite your current partner to be with you, do not have long phone call conversations with your ex, etc. Because no matter how much your partner trusts you, an ex is a person you shared your life and body with. So if you're going out for Coffee's with your ex, dinners, calling at night, emailing, etc, all of these things can make your partner wonder what is going on, even if it means nothing at all to you. You MUST respect the fact that your partner has feelings and do what is right by them. It should not be an issue for you to talk to your ex around a circle of friends rather than1 on 1 and if you think it is, you're probably going to end up been the non faithful type one day or your current relationship will not last because you are not respecting your partner.
 
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LikeToDiscuss is offline LikeToDiscuss Post #8  February 2,2009, 4:06pm
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2HDDRAGON


You are the man!


No point feeling any sadness. If she is not willing to accept your daughters, she is not worth being with. With a personality like yours I am sure you will find a right woman. Well done on managing to pay the childsupport as wellas study.
 
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setare is offline setare Post #9  February 2,2009, 5:16pm
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my bf wants me to marry him... he wants to know everything about my past about my ex,backhome etcbut doesnt want me to ask anything about his pastand whenever he brings up the issue of my past and i dont answer he gets angry and think that im hiding something which i really think his the one hiding something from me by avoiding the questions do you think its fair? what should i do?
 
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setare is offline setare Post #10  February 2,2009, 5:26pm
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my boyfriend wants me to marry him.... he wants to know everything about my past, about my ex, back home etc but he doesnt want me to know about his do you think its fair?


whenever he brings up the past issue and im not answering cause he doesnt answer my questions he gets angry and thinks that im hiding something from him i dont know what to do tell me what to do?


the only problem i have with him is if he wanna know about my past i think i have the right to know about his
 
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