plater6 is offline plater6 Post #1  December 11,2008, 11:54pm
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My latest match was closed in open communication after I got cold feet and did not answer her secure call setting up a first date.


I have reconsidered and would definitely like to reestablish the relationship but she has not reopened. Is there any way I can find contact info on my own only knowing her first name and city of residence so that I can give her a detailed explanation of my actions.
 
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javajava5 is offline javajava5 Post #2  December 12,2008, 12:36am
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Dear Plater6,


Welcome to these eHarmony Advice boards and thanks for writing.


You ask if there's anyway you can find contact information on your own with your now closed match. . . .


No, if she does not wish to re-open, which is her option, there's nothing you can do that would be appropriate as tracking her down in another forum would seem creepy and stalking-like behavior and she could report you to eHarmony which very well may get you removed from their service.


Keep in mind, one of the safety features of eHarmony is the anonymity that is to be kept unless a person voluntarily decides to disclose their personal identifying information to another person. She has chosen not to re-open and you must now respect her wishes.


There's always the possibility that she might re-open, but it's doubtful. She was hurt by your failure to follow-through and has moved on it would seem.


There's a lot you can learn from this for the future. . . .


If you are ambivilent about moving forward, perhaps you really need to examine if you're quite ready yet for a service such as eHarmony. Until you can say a firm "yes," and move forward with confidence, then you may want to consider turning off matching for the time being on eHarmony and most definitely not renewing your membership when it expires until you're fully ready.


Some people do get on eHarmony only to find they're not ready, and you will read many threads here with people on the other side of it who experience the problem of being matched with someone who is not ready to move forward. For the person in those shoes, it's extremely frustrating to get a match such as yourself as the expectation that a person on eHarmony really is looking to find the love of their life!


Only you can fully examine what's in your heart and mind and if you should be on eHarmony at the present time or even receiving matches. If you're not ready, then go ahead and turn matching off so that you do not waste other's time.


Work on getting yourself readywhether it's work you can do on your own or if you need to work through some things with a really good, licensed, professional counselor.


You're not alone in getting cold feet. The things is, it's your responsibility to work through it on your own and not involve another in it as you're working through it. That's why I recommend you turn off matching for the time being until you can figure out why you got cold feet and how that will not happen again in the future with someone leading them to close you out and write you off as being less than ready for a potential relationship.


Keep in mind that no one wishes to waste their time with a person who really is not ready to move forward. If you were in their shoes, you'd feel the same way not to mention experiencing a certain level of irritation with the wishy-washy person which is how such a cold-footed person comes across.


Wishing you well as you do whatever you need to do to be ready to really be able to meet someone without experiencing cold feet.


JavaJava5
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #3  December 12,2008, 7:32am
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plater6, wrote :

My latest match was closed in open communication after I got cold feet and did not answer her secure call setting up a first date.


I have reconsidered and would definitely like to reestablish the relationship but she has not reopened. Is there any way I can find contact info on my own only knowing her first name and city of residence so that I can give her a detailed explanation of my actions.
I think I've heard of situations where people have called eHarmony and explained the situation, and they I think send that person a message. You'd have to call them and ask though.
 
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Glider_Pilot is offline Glider_Pilot Post #4  December 12,2008, 10:47am
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plater6, wrote :

My latest match was closed in open communication after I got cold feet and did not answer her secure call setting up a first date.


I have reconsidered and would definitely like to reestablish the relationship but she has not reopened. Is there any way I can find contact info on my own only knowing her first name and city of residence so that I can give her a detailed explanation of my actions.
No, nor should you. At this stage, finding 'outside' contact information without their knowledge is completely inappropriate. The fact that she has not reopened the match despite your request to do so means that she's not interested in communicating further. Period.


Accept that you made a mistake, lost a potential opportunity, and learn from that mistake so you won't make it again next time.


Move on.
 
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