I just had this talk with a man I just started seeing ( a month) and he brought it up, which made me soooo happy. We are probably moving quickly, by other peoples standards. I am comfortable with it, but scared all at the same time.... he expressed that he is scared of getting hurt... but who isn't? (I guess this is what scared me)I guess itwill take time for him to get toknow me and visa versa... I haven't been in a"new start" for a while and am scared I am going to do or say something to screw this up...
I would add that it is not necessary to chose a moment, sit down and dump the entire "talk" at one time. From my experience, men in particular are not comfortable with that approach. In the very early stages of dating much can be communicated through your behavior. Intimacy issues can be addressed bit by bit as moments arise that make them a natural and comfortable topic of conversation. You don't need to be completely serious about tackling these issues, either. There are ways to discuss them in an honest, but light-hearted manner. No need to make this into an arduous and onerous task.
My new mate and I just had this talk a week ago today! He came over to my place for the first time to watch a movie and we ended up having "the talk" while getting cozy on the couch together. We ended up staying up most of the night talking, kissing, talking, hugging, talking, talking, talking!I can't tell you how important this moment was in our relationship becuse I wasn't getting any signals from him that he wanted things to be more intimate until we had this talk. I learned he had recently been "burnt" by a woman who became offended becuase he wanted to hold her hand in the movie theater so this made him a little "trigger shy" with me. This night was going to be the night I would decide whether or not we had a future together or not.We are exclusive now and have established a connection on many levels.
I would add that it is not necessary to chose a moment, sit down and dump the entire "talk" at one time. From my experience, men in particular are not comfortable with that approach. In the very early stages of dating much can be communicated through your behavior. Intimacy issues can be addressed bit by bit as moments arise that make them a natural and comfortable topic of conversation. You don't need to be completely serious about tackling these issues, either. There are ways to discuss them in an honest, but light-hearted manner. No need to make this into an arduous and onerous task.
This is better than the original article.Well done!
I wish I had this article, 5 years ago, or more. Heck, I wish, I had it on paper, on my desk, now. But I've some how always known, that intimacy isn't purely physical, but a mental connection. And I'm glad that it's not confirmed.
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No.... ... –
Wiseman2
If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... –
shapeShifter79
Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates!
What specific steps did you try?
How many women did you ask out in person?
Did you buy a ... –
shapeShifter79
Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... –
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Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices.
QUOTE]
But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... –
eccemuliere
Do you have something completely stupid to talk about? Come here. Talk. It's a simple two step process. Please have a good sense of humor about all this. It is good for the heart.
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It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... – Wiseman2
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Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... – shapeShifter79
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This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. – shapeShifter79
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Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... – Sassafras54
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Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... – eccemuliere
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