lvnvcountrychick is offline lvnvcountrychick Post #1  December 9,2008, 8:45am
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I have met a guy thru work. We are both divorced due to the S.O's cheating. Boy oh boy is there ever a mutual attraction. he has made it very clear that my son does not bother him at all, but he says that hes not ready for a relationship but that if he was it would be with me. he wants to be just friends right now. so here is my question- should i just basicly go about my life try to find someone else and just be M's friend or should i be M's friend and keep letting him know that i still like him more than a friend? any advice would be fantabulous!!!!


Tracie
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #2  December 9,2008, 9:16am
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lvnvcountrychick, wrote :

I have met a guy thru work. We are both divorced due to the S.O's cheating. Boy oh boy is there ever a mutual attraction. he has made it very clear that my son does not bother him at all, but he says that hes not ready for a relationship but that if he was it would be with me. he wants to be just friends right now. so here is my question- should i just basicly go about my life try to find someone else and just be M's friend or should i be M's friend and keep letting him know that i still like him more than a friend? any advice would be fantabulous!!!!


Tracie
You're both clearly in rebound mode. Do nothing with this. The attraction seems intense because of the blows you've both experienced with infidelity and he's right to keep this attraction at arms distance. It's too soon and if I were you I'd look for someone else at this point and time because you guys are bouncing off each other from empathy, which is fine for a friendship but not for a relationship. The loneliness and needing to feel self confident again is driving you both. I think he realizes this on some unconscious level, so ease up and take a breath. You both have healing to do individually and "waiting" for him could turn into him eventually finding someone else anyway. This is a transitional thing you're both going through.
 
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WaterHound is offline WaterHound Post #3  December 9,2008, 9:16am
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Tracie....be friends and seek another for a lover. He either knows already you are not "it" for him or just doesnt want to make himself emotionally available to anyone. Don't waste your time waiting for him to come around to have stronger feelings for you. Be glad he was honest and straightforward in telling you his feelings so you are not in the dark. Respect his feelings (or lack thereof for you).
 
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Glider_Pilot is offline Glider_Pilot Post #4  December 9,2008, 11:49am
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lvnvcountrychick, wrote :

I have met a guy thru work. We are both divorced due to the S.O's cheating. Boy oh boy is there ever a mutual attraction. he has made it very clear that my son does not bother him at all, but he says that hes not ready for a relationship but that if he was it would be with me. he wants to be just friends right now. so here is my question- should i just basicly go about my life try to find someone else and just be M's friend or should i be M's friend and keep letting him know that i still like him more than a friend? any advice would be fantabulous!!!!


Tracie
Honor the man's word: He's not ready for a relationship. Don't try and push him into something he knows he can't handle yet.


If you do, you'll both end up getting hurt.
 
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3dimension is offline 3dimension Post #5  December 9,2008, 1:18pm
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You heard the magic words let's "just be friends". Best move on and find another. If he wants to continue a friendship let him maintain the friendly connection.
 
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eyesofblue2 is offline eyesofblue2 Post #6  December 9,2008, 2:01pm
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If he truly wants to be friends he will keep the door open. Would not be wise to place pressure on him for something you want and he does not.





One key note to remember, for one person to love another, for that stronger relationship to build, one must first be friends. When you finally choose that long term partner, He/She is your best friend, partner, and your lover on ever level of life.
 
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Tyym is offline Tyym Post #7  December 9,2008, 5:53pm
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lvnvcountrychick, wrote :

I have met a guy thru work. We are both divorced due to the S.O's cheating. Boy oh boy is there ever a mutual attraction. he has made it very clear that my son does not bother him at all, but he says that hes not ready for a relationship but that if he was it would be with me. he wants to be just friends right now. so here is my question- should i just basicly go about my life try to find someone else and just be M's friend or should i be M's friend and keep letting him know that i still like him more than a friend? any advice would be fantabulous!!!!


Tracie
If it's meant to happen... in time, it will. In the mean time, honour him by respecting where he is at and do as you mention. Continue to look for someone else.... that said... are you completely ready to move on? Can you honestly say that you are ready to be in a relationship with someone? Wanting to be with someone is very different than being ready to be with someone. You are affecting someone elses life. Just be sure you can look yourself in the mirror and answer that honestly. If the answer is yes... then this fellow you mention is simply not where you are.


Spare yourself and your son the disappointment. Be his friend if you like, but do it without ulterior motive. If a move is made it must be his and you shouldn't be waiting for him to make it!


Best of luck


Tyym
 
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metamucilmuffin is offline metamucilmuffin Post #8  December 9,2008, 7:44pm
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I agree with everyone that you should keep this friend and find another guy to date. But I'd add that if you do try to find someone else, do so wholeheartedly. Don'tcount onyour finding another guyto stir feelings of jealousy or passion in your friend. You probably won't change your friend's mind about trying a LTR with you.Be fair to the next guy, and give him areal chance to win your heart. Good luck!
 
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Doctora2012 is offline Doctora2012 Post #9  December 9,2008, 8:06pm
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Keep him as a friend and find another lover.





...Best wishes
 
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JAZZYJO is offline JAZZYJO Post #10  December 10,2008, 2:45pm

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SOUNDS TO ME MORE A CASE OF LUST THEN LOVE, SOMETIMES WHEN PEOPLE COME OUT OF A CHEATING RELATIONSHIP THEY WANT TO JUMP RIGHT BACK IN THE SACK WITH SOMEONE ELSE JUST TO PROVE THAT THEY ARE STILL DESIRABLE TO SOMEONE. THIS IS A NATURAL RESPONSE BUT NOT ONE YOU HAVE TO CARRY THOUGH WITH. I LIKE THE GUY FOR TELLING THE TRUTH BEFORE THE SEX, INSTEAD OF AFTER THE SEX. I THINK THE MAN IS WORTHY OF FRIENDSHIP, REALLY HE HAS DONE NOTHING THAT WASNT HONORABLE. BE HIS FRIEND , KEEP THINGS LIGHT, DONT SLEEP WITH HIM ( EVEN ON A RAINY , LONELY , JUST ONE TIME NIGHT), AND ENJOY BEING SINGLE AND LOOKING AROUND. SOMETIMES THE LITTLE FLIRTY FRIENDSHIPS ARE SO NICE TO HAVE , ANDCAN MAKE US FEEL SO GOOD ABOUT OUR SELVES. DONTBLOW IT - LITTERLY LOL, SOMETIMES I AMUSE MYSELF LOL!
 
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