Glider_Pilot is offline Glider_Pilot Post #21  December 7,2008, 10:20am
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rarangure,371050 wrote :

...As a side note, the same person who is now trying to convince me, and I think himself, what a great, healthy thing this is, is the same person who, when we were dating several years ago, cheated on me multiple times, and walked out the week after my son died, because I "wasn't any fun" anymore.


So I guess consider the source, too, huh?
Yeah. Consider the source and go find a better guy.


What is it that's keeping you with a man that cheated on you, treated you so callously when your son died, and now wants to go partner swapping?


You can find better, you know. You know that, right?
 
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Breezy26 is offline Breezy26 Post #22  December 7,2008, 3:21pm
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rarangure,371050 wrote :

As a side note, the same person who is now trying to convince me, and I think himself, what a great, healthy thing this is, is the same person who, when we were dating several years ago, cheated on me multiple times, and walked out the week after my son died, because I "wasn't any fun" anymore.


So I guess consider the source, too, huh?
I definitely could never live the 'swinger' lifestyle. I think it's disgusting to have sex with multiple partners. When I'm with someone, I want to know that he's all mine and I'm all his. If my partner was open to that, I'd wonder what else he was open to and I'd find it hard to trust him.


Now, rarangure, just a question and you certainly don't have to answer... are you still with this guy? You said that you're a Christian but if he's into swinging, I'm guessing that he's not a Christian. And if he cheated on you years ago and dumped you at an emotional time, why are you giving him the time of day? I don't mean to sound judgmental especially considering I don't know your situation. I certainly wouldn't be with anyone who treated me like that.


Good luck!
 
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scorpio is offline scorpio Post #23  December 7,2008, 5:58pm
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Reading these different opinions has been very interesting. I have friends - an artist couple - who I'm told are swingers. Based on what I know about them, this is probably true. There have been times when I've been in their presence,and they've broached the subject of sex in a casual manner suggesting they were leading into another aspect of that subject. Each time I smoothly led the subject to something else.


While I am open-minded about most things,swinging is not one of them. I would even say I am judgementalregarding this subject. I would say that I am judgemental in terms of forming a certain perception of people who practice this. That perception would be that a breakdown in intimacy has occurred between couplesresorting to this practice.


I cannot stress enough the importance of a coupledeveloping intimacy within a relationship not only for the purpose of overall fulfillment, butalso for the purpose of sexual fulfillment. Not only can sexual fulfillment occur regularlywithin a monagomous relationshipwhere true intimacy is present, it is possible to have out-of-this world sex with onepartner for the restof your lifeif you have taken the time to develop this area.I know for certain that your sexual relationship can be developed to its maxium potential witha partner whobelieves the same. Unfortunately, this type of relationship does not happen with most couples. They often grow tired of each other, with the sexual relationship being the first thing to go.


This is more likely to happen with couples who view their sexual relationship from a primarily physical perspective, not recognizing the range of emotional involvement that contributes to a rich and rewarding sexual relationship. It is the emotions that fuel that experience. The body is simply the vehicle.


Bringing another person or persons into your relationshipassures that the intimacy necessary for such an experiencehas been compromised, if not destroyed.
 
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rarangure is offline rarangure Post #24  December 7,2008, 6:01pm
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Breezy26 and Glider_Pilot.....


NOOOOOO, I'm not still with him. I would NEVER consider dating him again, though I have felt guilty at times that I have not at least maintained a friendship with him. But after what I know he is into now, and his carefree attitude about it, and his insistance on talking about it, I have actually blocked him from my email and IM, and put his number in my phone as "do not answer".


Yes Breezy...I am a Christian, and no he is not. When we were dating several years ago, I was not living the way I should have been. Since everything in my personal life happened, I DID get my faith back where it needs to be, have regained my trust in Christ, and would not "date" him again. When we started talking again, I was hoping that something in him would have changed, but I now realize that this is a situation I need to completely seperate myself from. There is nothing I can do other than pray for him.


Yes, I know many of you on here will slam me for saying he needs to be prayed for, but I can't/won't apologize for that.
 
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abud4spud is offline abud4spud Post #25  December 9,2008, 8:28am
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Swinging is not for me. I have no desire to do so. Sex to me is a way to show someone you care for them. It is a emotion. This day and timesexis agame tosome. To me it is all about showing youcare. Yes I like the pleasure that comes from itjust like everyone else. Butwant is sex without the feelings you have and want to share with the personyou are involved with. This day and time people do not what to totally give of them self. They give you part of them self and want to share other parts with others. To me that is not caring for someone.When I really care for someone their feelings come first mine come second.Have heard people say that youshould always put yourself first.But how can you truly dothat if you truly care for someone. I guess I have turned into a romantic in my olderyears. We all have to do what we feel at thetime. Back to swinging. I have a question.If youcare forthe person you are involved with why would you want to share you body with someone else???????
 
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rarangure is offline rarangure Post #26  December 9,2008, 8:46am
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abud4spud,373734 wrote :

Swinging is not for me. I have no desire to do so. Sex to me is a way to show someone you care for them. It is a emotion. This day and timesexis agame tosome. To me it is all about showing youcare. Yes I like the pleasure that comes from itjust like everyone else. Butwant is sex without the feelings you have and want to share with the personyou are involved with. This day and time people do not what to totally give of them self. They give you part of them self and want to share other parts with others. To me that is not caring for someone.When I really care for someone their feelings come first mine come second.Have heard people say that youshould always put yourself first.But how can you truly dothat if you truly care for someone. I guess I have turned into a romantic in my olderyears. We all have to do what we feel at thetime. Back to swinging. I have a question.If youcare forthe person you are involved with why would you want to share you body with someone else???????
Yes, I asked him the same question. Because I defintely could not do that. His explaination was "as long as you're in control of the situation, you make the decisions together as a couple who you will be involved with and when and where, and neither one ever does it without the other present, it is just sex, fulfilling a fantasy, and there's no jealousy involved".


I don't buy his explainations. And for the record, he is no longer seeing his girlfriend, he is 51 years old, never been married, can't maintain a long-term relationship....


so obviously his "choice" is NOT something that is conducive to a committed relationship!


I actually feel sorry for him. He goes to counseling ALL THE TIME AND HAS FOR YEARS. And he just can't seem to figure out why he can't maintain a steady, healthy, lasting relationship.


My feelings about this whole thing, is it's the same as cheating, you just have permission to do it. And just because you have the right to do something, doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.
 
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rarangure is offline rarangure Post #27  December 9,2008, 8:48am
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rarangure,373744 wrote :

abud4spud,373734 wrote :


Swinging is not for me. I have no desire to do so. Sex to me is a way to show someone you care for them. It is a emotion. This day and timesexis agame tosome. To me it is all about showing youcare. Yes I like the pleasure that comes from itjust like everyone else. Butwant is sex without the feelings you have and want to share with the personyou are involved with. This day and time people do not what to totally give of them self. They give you part of them self and want to share other parts with others. To me that is not caring for someone.When I really care for someone their feelings come first mine come second.Have heard people say that youshould always put yourself first.But how can you truly dothat if you truly care for someone. I guess I have turned into a romantic in my olderyears. We all have to do what we feel at thetime. Back to swinging. I have a question.If youcare forthe person you are involved with why would you want to share you body with someone else???????


Yes, I asked him the same question. Because I defintely could not do that. His explaination was "as long as you're in control of the situation, you make the decisions together as a couple who you will be involved with and when and where, and neither one ever does it without the other present, it is just sex, fulfilling a fantasy, and there's no jealousy involved".


I don't buy his explainations. And for the record, he is no longer seeing his girlfriend, he is 51 years old, never been married, can't maintain a long-term relationship....


so obviously his "choice" is NOT something that is conducive to a committed relationship!


I actually feel sorry for him. He goes to counseling ALL THE TIME AND HAS FOR YEARS. And he just can't seem to figure out why he can't maintain a steady, healthy, lasting relationship.


My feelings about this whole thing, is it's the same as cheating, you just have permission to do it. And just because you have the right to do something, doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.
Good for you. I'm 45, and enjoy sex as much as anyone, in the boundaries of a committed, healthy relationship.


As you get older, I think you start realizing what is really important, recognize games more easily, and don't waste time on them!
 
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cuteBut4u is offline cuteBut4u Post #28  December 9,2008, 4:35pm

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If both people in a relationship agree to swinging then go for it! Iwould notallow it into my home but if on vaca it could be fun to try. If yur a jealous person this is prob not a good idea or wait until u have been married a long time and need to spice the marriage sexual life up.
 
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justkateagain is offline justkateagain Post #29  December 9,2008, 5:57pm

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DoA... did you mean polygamous?


rarangure... I'm really glad that you aren't with him anymore.


cuteBut4u... I was married for a very long time, didn't need to "spice the marriage sexual life up" at all. Just saying.


The topic... I did that once because he wanted to do it. I was young, stupid, and thought that I was in love. Phist, never did it again. I think that those kind of people want the cake, icing, and ice cream all at once... On the other hand, perhaps for those that do that...perhaps it's better than having an affair since everything is out in the open. Supposedly....


 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #30  December 9,2008, 6:45pm
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Maybe the Mormons had it figured out.... lol...
 
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