tbesq is offline tbesq Post #1  November 17,2008, 12:09pm
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You're going to have to bring a few more facts to light so that your situation makes a little more sense....I live that up to you to fill in the holes. You said you had some "problems" and that she had some "problems." It sounds like things started to go wrong once you tried to get intimate.


I say just move on. Don't worry about giving back the watch, it was a gift. I dated a woman with a child recently, and she started acting strange too. I had a sense she was having custody issues with her ex-husband, but just didn't want to involve me in her drama.
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #2  November 17,2008, 12:27pm
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Perhaps you've been unsuccessful with trying to date and putting her out of your mind because..... you still see her to play racquetball once a week, and you're still trying to make plans with her for every other weekend! Kind of impossible to put someone out of your mind whiledoing the above.


Obviously the two are conflicting and it's not getting you anywhere.


Move on. Being friends with someone that at one point was more than friends is difficult, if not impossible sometimes. If there ever is the chance for that, and it's what you both want, it's not going to happen immediately. You need to get some distance there and genuinly move past the "more than friends' mindset.


I don't think she could make it any more clear than when she told you she no longer had feelings for you.
 
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CrystalPepsi is offline CrystalPepsi Post #3  November 17,2008, 12:35pm
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I met a girl on a christian singles dating site and found she lived in my town and even went to my church! The site matched us up wonderfully and we hit it off just amazingly well. She is my age (38) and has 2 kids from 2 different fathers only one a previous husband. I have no hang-ups with women with children at all. She introduced me to all her friends and they all approved and even said we looked like we'd known each other for years. My friends said the same things. There was an amazing chemistry between us and things went along very well... until. We had decided to be physically intimate but due to some temporary physical ailments this was not possible for me. I did everything the Drs said to get better but it didn't seem to phase the fact that she thought I was not attracted to her on a deeper level. She mentioned this a couple of times and I tried to assure her she was mistaken. The worst part of it all is she has been a nurse for 13yrs and didn't fully understand my condition. Things went well for aawhile but ultimately I could feel her becoming more distant and waited a couple weeks before I confronted her with it to make sure it wasn't just a mood or something temporary. I said that I didn't feel like we were on the same page and what could we do to fix that. She said she felt very comfortable around me and enjoyed my company but she just "didn't have feelings" for me anymore. She said she didn't want to break up just so she could go 'hog wild' dating as she is in school and still nursing as well. We 'text' talked some too and she said she didn't want to make the same mistakes she had in the past. Everytime I asked her for specific things regarding me/us she would never give any and tell me stuff about her. She wasn't open to trying to work through the 'problems' (that she never specifically mentioned) She never seemed to care about how I felt about any of this which kind of makes me a little leary. I can understand breaking up to focus on studies, work and 2 kids but there must be other reasons as well.She still wants to be friends and we still play raquetball once a week. It sucks for me because I still like her and I can kind of see she still likes me but has this 'invisible' barrier now.To make matters worse she bought me a very nice watch for my birthday. Approx 2 weeks after we broke up.I almost want to give it back to her because all it does is remind me of the girl I first started dating. What should I do? Should I try to talk to her again since I didn't get anything specific last time or maybe talk to her best friend about my perspective. We broke up about 2 months ago... I have been trying to date and put her out of my mind but have been unsuccessful. She has her kids every other weekend but lately when I try to get ahold of her she's busy.All I want to do is talk to her again minus the kids. How do I tactfully deal with this and get some peace??
 
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JAZZYJO is offline JAZZYJO Post #4  November 17,2008, 1:39pm

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lucky173,348450 wrote :

I don't think she could make it any more clear than when she told you she no longer had feelings for you.
agreed 100%- I hate to tell you but she's not interested and she's not going to change her mind. Dont talk to her friends about the relationship, that will only make her hollar and scream at you . Leave with some dignity and move on. If you dont you will have went from the nice guy I met, to the nice guy I liked, to the nice guy that couldnt have sex, to the guy who tried to hard, to the guy that wont leave me alone, to the creepy guy thats a stalker. Dont be that guy, pull yourself together, hold your head up in church, work on your medical issue , andfind someone else.
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #5  November 17,2008, 2:23pm
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I think you need a break from her. She's made up her mind and the contact just keeps your feelings active hurting you.


There's a lot you didn't say but I don't think any relationship ending falls apart due to one issue. It sounds like you just fit her idea of a friend better.
 
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CrystalPepsi is offline CrystalPepsi Post #6  November 17,2008, 5:42pm
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I guess what I'm getting at is how come when she had to opportunity to tell me specifically what was wrong she told me nothing that was relevant to me? I value communication and probably didn't nip this is the bud soon enough. I'm a very low key, non drama person that appreciates honesty and probably the worst thing you can do is not tell me what you think is wrong. I try to learn from my mistakes.... that is assuming I made any to begin with. Could be the case here?
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #7  November 17,2008, 6:11pm
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I think you are over analyzing this situation. She has told you and moved on. You still want to discuss and work it out.


It's not about mistakes...some people just aren't direct like you prefer and I'll agree with you it is kinder to know what happened. Sometimes by not talking it out it is easier for people to feel they didn't hurt someone...I disagree and think it hurts more to leave someone hanging.


Either way she wants friendship and you want more...there's really not a way to talk out of that situation.
 
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CrystalPepsi is offline CrystalPepsi Post #8  November 17,2008, 6:45pm
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bravethestorm,348888 wrote :

I think you are over analyzing this situation. She has told you and moved on. You still want to discuss and work it out.


It's not about mistakes...some people just aren't direct like you prefer and I'll agree with you it is kinder to know what happened. Sometimes by not talking it out it is easier for people to feel they didn't hurt someone...I disagree and think it hurts more to leave someone hanging.


Either way she wants friendship and you want more...there's really not a way to talk out of that situation.
I appreciate your input. Thanks.
 
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kdevi is offline kdevi Post #9  November 17,2008, 9:38pm
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CrystalPepsi,348933 wrote :

bravethestorm,348888 wrote :


I think you are over analyzing this situation. She has told you and moved on. You still want to discuss and work it out.


It's not about mistakes...some people just aren't direct like you prefer and I'll agree with you it is kinder to know what happened. Sometimes by not talking it out it is easier for people to feel they didn't hurt someone...I disagree and think it hurts more to leave someone hanging.


Either way she wants friendship and you want more...there's really not a way to talk out of that situation.


I appreciate your input. Thanks.

i'm gonna tell you about myself so that you can hear what she may possibly be thinking. i am in a relationship that is still new, and the sex is problematic because of some physical or psychological problem he is having. BUT---- no matter what he says or what i tell myself, i can't help but feel it is me. not only that, but i feel that the emotional intimacy is stymied by the lack of sexual developement. and, i happen to derive satisfaction from feeling my partner's desire.


i don't know what your particular issue is, but as you can see, i have listed issues that affect self esteem, bonding, & intimacy or the lac of.


as a woman in her shoes, i can say that if you were able to get her to have a very very frank discussion with her--if you could tell her exactly what the problem is, what steps you are taking to fix it, how long it will take, and if you could tell her that you have deep feelings for her and you want to be with her if she will only work with you--then it might work.


if she refuses to have that talk or hems and haws, then move on the ship has sailed.
 
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