Lovely210 is offline Lovely210 Post #1  November 17,2008, 7:46am
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Ive been dating my Bf for 3 1/2 years. Everything was great at first, but now i feel very unappreciated and like hes taking me for granted. He puts in zero effort while I put in all the effort. He gets mad at me too when ever i try to talk about our relationship and how i feel, because he thinks everything is great. He pays more attention to fantasy sports than to me. It takes up all his time. I try to make him feel special all the time and never does for me. He said that he isnt the affctionate kind of guy and wont say "i love you" cause he doesnt like to say it. We went on a break for about two weeks, and he begged me for another chance and promised that he would change. He also said that he wants to get married someday he just doesnt know if it is going to be to me.


But Hes got a great job, a nice house, great family. IDK what to do. Hes the only serious relationship Ive ever been in. Im scared to end up alone or be alone. I also moved to his state away from home. So i am without my famliy.





Help please!
 
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brndown is offline brndown Post #2  November 17,2008, 11:04am
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I think you realy need to walk over and sit by him and talk to him in a soft voice put on a sad face even just to get his attention.. Tell him how you feel and be honest with out raising your voice..If he still does notlisten then maybe your better off trying to find someone that will give you the attention that you need because right now it sounds like hes notdoing nothing but lowering your self asteam.. Sorry spelling is not thatgood hopeI helped you and good luck.
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #3  November 17,2008, 2:31pm
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I think you need to have a serious talk with him on your feelings. If he continues to ignore how you feel you have your answer. Right now you are settling for someone that is not a good fit for you. It doesn't sound like he has any plan to change especially when he talks of marriage and considers someone else.


Being your first serious relationship, this is another reason it can seem harder. I think if you moved and he was acting this way...that you rushed a bit. Even in a new area you can't make a relationship your everything...it is just too much pressure on one person. Develop some friendship and hobbies to occupy your free time. Couple time is great but you do need a life without your special someone.


You just sound really isolated and down on your future if it doesn't include him. There is nothing worse than settling for someone that isn't right for you. That is the very reason there are so many violent breakups and divorces. Find out what you want...explore your options...and once you know your own personality...you will have a better idea of the guy you want. From what you've said though, I do think you need a guy that gives you far more feedback on his affection and is more the romantic type. He just doesn't seem to even know how to communicate on a basic level and that is an important key in a good relationship.
 
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teacherlady is offline teacherlady Post #4  November 17,2008, 3:05pm
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Oddly enough, I had dated my b/f for 3.5 years when we broke up. We're now back together, but we were apart for a bit. I even dated another person while we were broken up. I can tell you that your b/f has some similarities to mine, and one of the reasons we broke up was lack of communication. He, too, wanted to work things out, but it was important that we communicate without anger, etc., so for awhile we only emailed (much easier to delete than to take it back when it's said on the phone).





I think we're much older than you, and have both been in other relationships before, so perhaps our situation resolved itself a little differently. The time we had apart helped both of us see what we wanted. Two weeks may not be enough to do that--only to get the "panic" feeling and rush back into something.





I would suggest that in order to get your thoughts straight, you sit down and specifically write out the things that are bothering you. Do not send these to him; it's just for your own use. Then, when you have a good grasp of what is bothering you, come up with an alternative--what would you rather him do? For example, you mention that he likes fantasy sports and you feel left out. What would a solution to that be? Would you be happy if he agreed to do fantasy sports one night a week without interruption from you in exchange for one "date night" a week in which he left the computer alone? Or would you be interested in him getting you involved in the f.s. as something you could do together? Once you've figured out a solution, then approach him with it. If you can do it in a positive way, he will feel less like you're "fighting" and be more inclined to listen. Start with one thing, work on that, then rest a bit; then try another.





I think if you take this approach, you will see some results.





One other thing: do NOT bottle your feelings up and push them down. That is what I did, and when it finally broke, my b/f was shocked: he too thought things were "fine" and then resented the fact that I waited so long to say some things. It took some time to sort all that out and rebuild our trust . . . but we have been working on that, with the understanding that we BOTH have to be honest about things that bother us.





Good luck!
 
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deadtroll is offline deadtroll Post #5  November 17,2008, 3:19pm
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Having been in a similiar relationship, I can understand a little about both sides. I would ask this, does he take you for granted about house chores? or take you for granted as in doesnt include you in anything that he plans?


If he's not doing things around the house, and he used to have you complained about how he did it? If so, instead even if he did an awful job thank him for it and don't fix it until the next week when you do it.


If he's not including you in anything that he plans, then your just a roommate and you need to get out and get away for awhile and spend some time on figuring out who exactly you are and who you want to be. New interests and hobbies help a bunch.


The fantasy sports thing is a hobby of his, apparently he's taking it a little to serious. Try asking for one night a week that he doesnt do anything related to fantasy sports. Make that your date night if you can, and get out of the house and do something together. Do not goto a movie!! Interact with each other. Dinner is good, ice skating, paintball, what ever do something that you interact with each other even board games someplace not at home helps a bunch.


Hope it helps... just my two cents..
 
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WaterHound is offline WaterHound Post #6  November 17,2008, 3:38pm
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I would suggest that you communicate your feelings of neglect and disrespect. Teacherlady has great suggestions on how to do this that are far better than my Attlia the Hun approach. Be respectful of his space and feelings as you want him to respect yours. Offer ways out for him so he doesn't feel trapped, but be firm you want results. Be prepared to walk. Good luck
 
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