Do you wonder if your platonic friend really has honest intentions?


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PuceCashew is offline PuceCashew Post #1  November 14,2008, 4:36pm
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One of my female friends, who has known me for years, I think is hitting on me. If she is, I want to dump her as a friend, because I have a girlfriend and I don't want a friend who would tempt me to cheat. But if I'm wrong, I don't! Is there a telltale sign?
 
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notamaninpower is offline notamaninpower Post #2  November 16,2008, 11:56am
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I wish I knew for sure, brother (about that "telltale sign").


I have a woman friend who I am VERY intimate with, and enjoy the company of,in every way but physically/sexually.


Sometimes she seems to drop little hints about, or references tosexual things, but either I am too oblivious to these, or I am purposely ignoring them because that would KILL the relationship since I am not attracted to her in that way (andI would have to be in order to even have that physical relationship be worth exploring!).


"Friend zone" indeed, butI just hope it reallyIS platonic on her part, asI DO NOT EVER want to see her get hurt, especially NOT for desiring the likes of me!!
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  November 16,2008, 12:27pm
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Sometimes I’ve “flirted” with women because I knew they were unavailable, with no intention or expectation that it would, or even could, go anywhere. It’s the absence of feasibility that made it safe.[/b]
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #4  November 16,2008, 1:03pm
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Yep, my guess is that maybe for her you are 'safe' to flirt with. Maybe on the other hand, she's just a bit curious as to why you've never made a pass at her. Maybe it's something and maybe it's a whole lot of nothing.


However, if it's something that is making you feel uncomfortable, then it's absolutely something that needs to be addressed, especially considering you have a girlfriend.


Only you know how tight your friendship is and whether or not she'd be receptive to you putting it out there to her point blank. If you don't think there is a direct way of approaching it with her, then try looking for another way to broach the subject that wouldn't put her on the defensive, cause any further or possible awkwardness between you, or come across as a flat out rejection of her (even though it is).


Either way, as a friend she should be able to respect whatever boundaries you have. Now you've just got to clarify them for her.
 
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Monica1 is offline Monica1 Post #5  November 16,2008, 2:23pm

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My boyfriend has a platonic friend who seems to cross the line and flirt with him even though she knows about me. He told me before he met me he got some vibes from her that she might be interested and that she seemed disappointed when she heard about me. She dropped by his house yesterday (she's his next door neighbor) and hung out for an hour. I trust him. I just hope if we stay together (big IF for other reasons) there wont be any issues with this.
 
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metamucilmuffin is offline metamucilmuffin Post #6  November 17,2008, 7:07am
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Flirting can be hard to read, but I think your friend's actions regarding your gf will tell you a lot. How does your friend react when you talk about your gf - is she interested, or does she change the subject? Is she overly critical? Does she always take your side in any disagreement?


Also, how does your friend act around your gf? Do her invitations to you automatically include your gf? Does she view your gf as a potential friend for herself, as part of the gang? Does she speak directly with your gf (with or without you present) about topics other than you?


You should be able to tell if your friend feels threatened by your gf, assuming your gf herself doesn't freak that you have close female friends.
 
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Harmony777 is offline Harmony777 Post #7  November 17,2008, 5:53pm
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Sometimes I wonder, yes.
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #8  November 17,2008, 6:08pm
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There really isn't a common sign unless she goes to the point of open invitation verbally or physically. Flirting can be perceived as simply being comfortable and laughing around another person. Some people are really touchy and reach out and touch people more than others. It really depends on your relationship and how close it is.


Now if her behavior has changed since you started dating, it might signal something but I do think you need to define the lines of what you are comfortable with. Flirting to you...may be just converation to her. It is one of those things that some people like to hint, tease, etc. even if they aren't interested in someone so hard to say. I've met people that seem to flirt with everyone they meet.


Have a talk with her...maybe ask her what she considers flirting or something casual. If you know her better you might ask if she is hitting on you but I think that would be too direct for most people...especially if she wasn't.
 
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