This guy had a red flag all over still went for it and ....


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dubistdu is offline dubistdu Post #1  October 24,2008, 7:04am
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confused..

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I have been dating this guy close to 5 month now. There were some issues here and there but managed to handle and now..we are in relationship.


In relationship....


I was introduced to all his friends and family pretty much as soon as we started dating. I wasn't really ready to jump into anything deeper but found out it's just his personality. I don't know he is just different...


When we first started dating, he just broke up with a girl friend of two years whom he lived with the whole time.


They were in agreat relationship but he said he never loved her. He had a really bad divorce just before that, apparently love of his life screwed him financiallyand cheated on him (but I personally think she was too young to marry,19 years old,and had other agenda..she needed a green card)


I've methis exgirl friend since they all hang out together as friends but these days I just try not to go to their gatherings. It's a very uncomfortable setting and I feel he gets tense and we get into fight.


The ex girl friend seem very sweet and pretty. But everytime I am there I can feel certain pain in her. That's one of the major reason why I avoid their gatherings too.


Now.....


Knowing all this (that I might end up where she is... have a great realtionship but end up in pain because he might do the same to me), I've tried to break up with him in the early stage of relationship. He pursuaded me saying he want to feel what it's like to love somebody again and he was hoping to feel it again.


HE gives me a lot of mixed signals thou..


His parent, anybody we know refers me as his girl friend but he himself is in denial.


He doesn't even want to label our relationship as boy friend or girl friend.


I don't know why I am keep going back to him.


I do feel for him and he is wonderful otherwise.


But he is even better when he feel like I am trying to stay away from him....


I can't play this game and when I tried to stay away from him.. I wans't playing a game.... I was really wanting to...


It's just so hard to cut him off so I wanted to move a way slowly....


Not give him calls ( I call him most of the time and go to his place) and not go to his place... and when I feel like I may be able handle break up he start to show up and give me calls txt messages....so and so forth.


I don't know what to do...


We have everything now what a couple can wish for.


Very affectionate, being there for each other, and do things together without much of conflict.


I have no idea thou why he wouldn't admit that I am his girl frien and relationship when it's there.


What I see now is....one day... I would wanna hear him saying I love you and he will deny everything and walk away.


In this relationship I feel extremely lonely at times...


I've also had a terrible divorce just over an year ago and just learned that my ex got remarried few month ago....


I want to be in love again.....and I am not so good at this no emtion relationship.


I don't know what to do...
 
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Red Sox Girl is offline Red Sox Girl Post #2  October 24,2008, 7:51am

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You say "We have everything now what a couple can wish for." - but you absolutely don't - read your post again, everything you write contradicts this statement. You're both emotionally unavailable for each other. If you're happy to continue on, then go for it. But if you can, you'd be better getting out now - sooner rather than later.Don't waste your time on someone who's unavailable to you. And also give yourself time to make sure you're available to a partner too - doesn't really sound like you are.
 
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dubistdu is offline dubistdu Post #3  October 24,2008, 8:44am
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confused..

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Thank you for the comment. Actually I thought about the contradiction after I posted it. Apparently most important thing is missing. I guess that's why I do feel lonier.


What does emotional availability mean exactetly? What seperates it...


I've heard that word from him several times. But I really wonder what defines it.....


I don't know how you can be with somebody without emotionally involved.


Apparently I found out myself have a hard time seperating it.
 
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japaneseblueeyes is offline japaneseblueeyes Post #4  October 24,2008, 8:56am
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At this point in time, you are a booty call, nothing more.


He enjoys the chase so let him chase you and maybe one day you will be his girlfriend.
 
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dubistdu is offline dubistdu Post #5  October 24,2008, 9:06am
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confused..

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Well actually I don't think I am a booty call. We do see each other nearly everyday and do everything together. I thought earlier in realtionship we were in a way having only physical relationship only but not so I realize. First month or so we couldn't keep hands off of each other but we both have a very demanding work shcedule and lately been falling a sleep in each other's arm watching movies on TV.If ther's anything going on he always gets me involved and asks for an opinion.He took care of me while I was sick wih flu. Prepping dinner and keep checking on me.When I had hard time with work he made phone calls to all the people he knows and hooked me up with potential clients and so on.


SO... I can tell he cares but I just don't know why he won't admit that we are in a relationship and has a hard time saying infront of me that I am his girl friend.


that's why I am confused.
 
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AnEarForYou is offline AnEarForYou Post #6  October 24,2008, 1:15pm
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Okay, so you're more than a booty call and less than a "girlfriend," that's much better? Let me just tell you, I have been in your EXACT SHOES. I could hear you telling my story with an ex from start to finish, right down to the last detail. Here's how it ended: The more I pushed for the "relationship" the more against it he became. When I realized he would never come around (also after five months) I dumped him, and STAYED away. A little over two months later he was back, wanting the relationship ... It lasted a whopping TWO MONTHS, and the whole time I could tell he was never really in it. He didn't have a reason for breaking up with me, and I didn't need one ... I already knew by the way he cringed at the word girlfriend, and never talked about doing any thing more than a day away from day one. It was just like he had lost some epic battle and could never come to terms with it until he was finally "single" again. My advice: Move on ... avoid some of the worst pain I had to go through.
 
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renewedguy is offline renewedguy Post #7  October 24,2008, 1:49pm
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I second AnEarForYou's advice for you to leave him. It may be wonderful that he cares a lot about you, but when he cringes at the thought of being a boyfriend to you, something's really wrong. He may have some unresolved issues that have to be fixed before he can be emotionally ready to truly accept love.
 
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LonelyStarState is offline LonelyStarState Post #8  October 24,2008, 2:00pm

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dubistdu, wrote :

I've tried to break up with him in the early stage of relationship. He pursuaded me saying he want to feel what it's like to love somebody again and he was hoping to feel it again.
there's your answer.... if he doesn't know what love is, then he's in no position to give it away...
 
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OBeth is offline OBeth Post #9  October 24,2008, 2:32pm
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You keep adding to your original post and each time it sounds like to me you really do want this relationship and are defending his behavior. What difference does it really make whether he intrroduces you as his girlfriend? Clearly you are in a relationship and you like it and so does he or he wouldn't be with you and I'm sure others in your circle of people can see that you are in a relationship.Actions speak louder than words and if he is behaving like a boyfriend (which it sounds like he is) then relax.You say you have everything a couple can wish for...what's the big deal?
 
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dubistdu is offline dubistdu Post #10  October 24,2008, 5:41pm
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confused..

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Thank you for all the comments. Well, I wasn't quite defending him. I was just adding more of the information to give a better idea of where I am. If he is absolutely horrible I won't be as confused and open myself up here to complete strangers to get some feed back to figure out whre this relationship stand. It was so much easier for me to tell somebody else to leave the guy and break up after hearing bits and pieces of informations that they left here but once I am in it again, I realize it just ain't that simple and easy.


I don't know since when all the relationship were defined by commitement and otherwise it's just a booty call.
 
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