blueghost510 is offline blueghost510 Post #1  October 21,2008, 7:19pm
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So I have been dating a wonderful woman for the last two months. I REALLY REALLY like her. REALLY like her. I've come across a bridge in the relationship and not sure how to address the issue....
Her family like any other has some interesting dynamics. Her parents have been going back and fourth with a divorce which has come to a head. I have my own legal ups and downs with the mother of my child. I distance myself from the headaches and perpetual nonsense.
When we hang out after work I always ask how her day went. The last week I've gotten a play by play of her mothers point of view.
This really is an issue for her mother and father to deal with. She is a grown woman and should have the ability to distance herself from it. I know this is her family, but can't help but feel like it's adding a bitter taste to our relationship...... Any body out there know how to tackle this one. I want her to feel free to talk to me about anything, but don't want to live her parents divorce. Thanks.
 
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ImmanuelInMyHeart is offline ImmanuelInMyHeart Post #2  October 21,2008, 7:31pm
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Just guessing what she's going through, I would say this is pretty traumatic to her and is weighing heavy on her mind, right now. Since you like her so much, I would suggest just being a good listener for awhile. She probably needs someone just to listen, more than anything at the moment. Recommend you bear with your discomfort for the time being. This problem WILL dissapate.It will probably help HER bond with you more by just being there for her. In the long run, this will probably earn you brownie points.
 
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rg26 is offline rg26 Post #3  October 21,2008, 7:35pm
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She isn't going to distance herself from her parents divorce - that would take a very cold person.
 
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blueghost510 is offline blueghost510 Post #4  October 21,2008, 10:37pm
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I wouldn't imagine she would distance herself from it..... just worried how much is consumed and brought into the relationship. Like I said, I know first hand about this stuff. It's a poison that unchecked destroys many.
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #5  October 21,2008, 10:54pm
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blueghost510, wrote :

So I have been dating a wonderful woman for the last two months. I REALLY REALLY like her. REALLY like her. I've come across a bridge in the relationship and not sure how to address the issue.... Her family like any other has some interesting dynamics. Her parents have been going back and fourth with a divorce which has come to a head. I have my own legal ups and downs with the mother of my child. I distance myself from the headaches and perpetual nonsense. When we hang out after work I always ask how her day went. The last week I've gotten a play by play of her mothers point of view. This really is an issue for her mother and father to deal with. She is a grown woman and should have the ability to distance herself from it. I know this is her family, but can't help but feel like it's adding a bitter taste to our relationship...... Any body out there know how to tackle this one. I want her to feel free to talk to me about anything, but don't want to live her parents divorce. Thanks.
This is obviously hitting her pretty hard. She's being torn apart by two people who shouldn't be dragging her through this with them. It's pretty cruel to do that to a son/daughter at any age.


Might I suggest you allow her to vent at times, but let her know that you don't want it consuming your relationship together. She might want to see a counselor while this is happening so she has a professional she can talk with and vent out all this stuff. These emotions need to be expressed but in an appropriate place and with the appropriate person. You can only do so much in terms of supporting her and I know you're willing to do it, but her parents need limits and boundaries and she needs to start setting them so she can live her life and not theirs.
 
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Red Sox Girl is offline Red Sox Girl Post #6  October 22,2008, 6:09am

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This is tough because it's obviously going to hit her hard, and she in turn will be torn between her two parents, both of whom will be vying for her attention & possible side-taking. On the other hand, there's also you & your feelings & I can totally see how something like this will be stressful for you to hear.


One thingI will say though, is that it's actually a huge compliment that she talks so openly about it all to you - she obviously trusts you to share this personal information with, so take something positive from it at least. She clearly will need support and a sounding-board through all this, but I know it's difficult for you to bear the brunt of it all the time. Maybe you could chat with her one day about it - suggest coming to a compromise about when you discuss the divorce - try not to make it "all about you" when you suggest confining the family chat-time, but tell her that you can see it obviously is affecting her badly & causing her stress, so you're wondering whether you could have a somewhat pre-set time for these discussions - say whenshe first gets together with you, and try to limit it to a set time, so she can air things and get them off her chest, and then you can both go on to talk about other things. Just make some compromise between yourselves - I think it's the willingness to compromise that's the main thing here. Don't forget that one day you could be in her shoes with some issue that you want to share with her because you feel close to her.
 
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