On the difference between finding love, and being found by love ...


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MudSlideSlim is offline MudSlideSlim Post #1  October 17,2008, 1:12am
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In one of my favorite novels, a character observes the following:

"Beauty, of the cities we know, and in the sense with which we are familiar, has always had a premeditated quality to it. We've always had an aesthetic intention and a long-range plan. But the beauty of this city rests on a completely different base. Its aesthetics are unintentional. This beauty arose independent of human design." Their companion character replies simply, “Yes, unintentional beauty.”
“The Unbearable Lightness of Being”, ~ Milan Kundera
About 16 years ago, the Sunday edition of the New York Times carried an interview with singer-songwriter Tom Waits. The caption under his photo, taken in a diner, was a quote from the interview that always stuck with me. “The things that you so carefully plan turn out to be meaningless. And that which you acquire along the way without noticing becomes your real treasure.”

I’ve been giving more than a little thought to the ideas of “unintentional beauty”, “real treasure”, and what I choose to call “authentic love”.

Love, in the conventional sense most common to our culture, has a premeditated quality. And (if my stipulation of “the conventional sense” is true) it follows that we love the partners we have sought, and "found" for reasons that likely as notamount to said partners being figments of our imagination; that who we truly love is more in our head than in their flesh. We love our “ideal” more than their “real”. Possibly one of the problems with many relationships is when one "superimposes" their ideal upon who the actual person the object of one’s affection truly is, or worse, tries to re[/i][/b]-create them in the image of one’s imagined ideal.

Perhaps this makes me foolishly romantic – an unrepentant dreamer – I am thinking that authentic love[/i], with no misconceptions regarding its nature, free of expectations, and full of discovery and delight, is – perhaps can only be – unintentional … serendipitous. Unintentional love, independent of (flawed) human design, cannot be sought. It can only be found -- quite unexpectedly, and quite by accident. Or rather, we cannot find IT[/i], but rather IT[/i] must find us."

Your thoughts?
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #2  October 17,2008, 2:05am
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I think love is one of those things we can look for yet not being a choice...it ultimately finds us. It's not only the romantic but also the way you feel toward everything in your life. Sometimes the silent discoveries through introspection are things that you found you enjoyed without actively seeking a love of something.


For instance if you really like something about a city, room in your home, person etc...pinning why you love those things would probably be many reasons. Yet each day you were away...you would discover something you missed...especially the longer you were apart.


I just think it is human nature to not always know what we want...until we actually have it. Sure we have an idea...but sometimes it is just that. I know from my own experience...that idea may not always be what we really need or would love most.
 
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ImmanuelInMyHeart is offline ImmanuelInMyHeart Post #3  October 17,2008, 5:50pm
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Love, in all of its multitudal facets, is something we must learn and consistently practice to find [it in your heart.] And to keep it, we must give it away, or it will shrivel up like a prune and eventually, turn to dust and blow away with the winds of neglect.
 
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RRoland is offline RRoland Post #4  October 17,2008, 5:53pm
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Love is a viral disease and shares many features with flu.
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #5  October 18,2008, 2:05am
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MudSlideSlim, wrote :


In one of my favorite novels, a character observes the following:

"Beauty, of the cities we know, and in the sense with which we are familiar, has always had a premeditated quality to it. We've always had an aesthetic intention and a long-range plan. But the beauty of this city rests on a completely different base. Its aesthetics are unintentional. This beauty arose independent of human design." Their companion character replies simply, “Yes, unintentional beauty.”
“The Unbearable Lightness of Being”, ~ Milan Kundera
About 16 years ago, the Sunday edition of the New York Times carried an interview with singer-songwriter Tom Waits. The caption under his photo, taken in a diner, was a quote from the interview that always stuck with me. “The things that you so carefully plan turn out to be meaningless. And that which you acquire along the way without noticing becomes your real treasure.”

I’ve been giving more than a little thought to the ideas of “unintentional beauty”, “real treasure”, and what I choose to call “authentic love”.

Love, in the conventional sense most common to our culture, has a premeditated quality. And (if my stipulation of “the conventional sense” is true) it follows that we love the partners we have sought, and "found" for reasons that likely as notamount to said partners being figments of our imagination; that who we truly love is more in our head than in their flesh. We love our “ideal” more than their “real”. Possibly one of the problems with many relationships is when one "superimposes" their ideal upon who the actual person the object of one’s affection truly is, or worse, tries to re[/i][/b]-create them in the image of one’s imagined ideal.

Perhaps this makes me foolishly romantic – an unrepentant dreamer – I am thinking that authentic love[/i], with no misconceptions regarding its nature, free of expectations, and full of discovery and delight, is – perhaps can only be – unintentional … serendipitous. Unintentional love, independent of (flawed) human design, cannot be sought. It can only be found -- quite unexpectedly, and quite by accident. Or rather, we cannot find IT[/i], but rather IT[/i] must find us."

Your thoughts?

In short, love shows up when you least expect it . . . it "finds" you when you stop looking for it and simultaneously, you "find" it as well; a balance of fulfilling the hopeless romantic in all of us with the reality of being part of something we respond to willingly, which is the the capacity to recognizelove in it's most unexpected form and accept it openly. The opportunity is always there, if we are willing to let go of the "picture" of love we "think" we want, and embrace the love that will sustain us throughout a lifetime.


Different words, same meaning. I was Kahlil Gibran
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #6  October 18,2008, 2:05am
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MudSlideSlim, wrote :


In one of my favorite novels, a character observes the following:

"Beauty, of the cities we know, and in the sense with which we are familiar, has always had a premeditated quality to it. We've always had an aesthetic intention and a long-range plan. But the beauty of this city rests on a completely different base. Its aesthetics are unintentional. This beauty arose independent of human design." Their companion character replies simply, “Yes, unintentional beauty.”
“The Unbearable Lightness of Being”, ~ Milan Kundera
About 16 years ago, the Sunday edition of the New York Times carried an interview with singer-songwriter Tom Waits. The caption under his photo, taken in a diner, was a quote from the interview that always stuck with me. “The things that you so carefully plan turn out to be meaningless. And that which you acquire along the way without noticing becomes your real treasure.”

I’ve been giving more than a little thought to the ideas of “unintentional beauty”, “real treasure”, and what I choose to call “authentic love”.

Love, in the conventional sense most common to our culture, has a premeditated quality. And (if my stipulation of “the conventional sense” is true) it follows that we love the partners we have sought, and "found" for reasons that likely as notamount to said partners being figments of our imagination; that who we truly love is more in our head than in their flesh. We love our “ideal” more than their “real”. Possibly one of the problems with many relationships is when one "superimposes" their ideal upon who the actual person the object of one’s affection truly is, or worse, tries to re[/i][/b]-create them in the image of one’s imagined ideal.

Perhaps this makes me foolishly romantic – an unrepentant dreamer – I am thinking that authentic love[/i], with no misconceptions regarding its nature, free of expectations, and full of discovery and delight, is – perhaps can only be – unintentional … serendipitous. Unintentional love, independent of (flawed) human design, cannot be sought. It can only be found -- quite unexpectedly, and quite by accident. Or rather, we cannot find IT[/i], but rather IT[/i] must find us."

Your thoughts?

In short, love shows up when you least expect it . . . it "finds" you when you stop looking for it and simultaneously, you "find" it as well; a balance of fulfilling the hopeless romantic in all of us with the reality of being part of something we respond to willingly, which is the the capacity to recognizelove in it's most unexpected form and accept it openly. The opportunity is always there, if we are willing to let go of the "picture" of love we "think" we want, and embrace the love that will sustain us throughout a lifetime.


Different words, same meaning. I was Kahlil Gibran
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #7  October 18,2008, 2:07am
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Songryder,298533 wrote :

MudSlideSlim, wrote :



In one of my favorite novels, a character observes the following:

"Beauty, of the cities we know, and in the sense with which we are familiar, has always had a premeditated quality to it. We've always had an aesthetic intention and a long-range plan. But the beauty of this city rests on a completely different base. Its aesthetics are unintentional. This beauty arose independent of human design." Their companion character replies simply, “Yes, unintentional beauty.”
“The Unbearable Lightness of Being”, ~ Milan Kundera
About 16 years ago, the Sunday edition of the New York Times carried an interview with singer-songwriter Tom Waits. The caption under his photo, taken in a diner, was a quote from the interview that always stuck with me. “The things that you so carefully plan turn out to be meaningless. And that which you acquire along the way without noticing becomes your real treasure.”

I’ve been giving more than a little thought to the ideas of “unintentional beauty”, “real treasure”, and what I choose to call “authentic love”.

Love, in the conventional sense most common to our culture, has a premeditated quality. And (if my stipulation of “the conventional sense” is true) it follows that we love the partners we have sought, and "found" for reasons that likely as notamount to said partners being figments of our imagination; that who we truly love is more in our head than in their flesh. We love our “ideal” more than their “real”. Possibly one of the problems with many relationships is when one "superimposes" their ideal upon who the actual person the object of one’s affection truly is, or worse, tries to re[/i][/b]-create them in the image of one’s imagined ideal.

Perhaps this makes me foolishly romantic – an unrepentant dreamer – I am thinking that authentic love[/i], with no misconceptions regarding its nature, free of expectations, and full of discovery and delight, is – perhaps can only be – unintentional … serendipitous. Unintentional love, independent of (flawed) human design, cannot be sought. It can only be found -- quite unexpectedly, and quite by accident. Or rather, we cannot find IT[/i], but rather IT[/i] must find us."

Your thoughts?





In short, love shows up when you least expect it . . . it "finds" you when you stop looking for it and simultaneously, you "find" it as well; a balance of fulfilling the hopeless romantic in all of us with the reality of being part of something we respond to willingly, which is the the capacity to recognizelove in it's most unexpected form and accept it openly. The opportunity is always there, if we are willing to let go of the "picture" of love we "think" we want, and embrace the love that will sustain us throughout a lifetime.


Different words, same meaning. I was Kahlil Gibran
. . . Kahil Gibran in another life . . . I'm a musician now. . . don't be scared
 
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talonfinite is offline talonfinite Post #8  October 18,2008, 7:20am
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I think the majority of people are not as ready for true love as they think they are...that most do not take the time to look inward first, love themselves and understand truly what they need to continue their happiness and growth. Instead, most surccumb to projecting subconsciously and consciously what they feel the other should be to make them happy and are then 'surprised' or distraught when time reveals said person is far from what they require; then of course they blame the other for not being....


Good points, OP.
 
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jadedu714 is offline jadedu714 Post #9  October 21,2008, 11:45am
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That was just beautiful! That's all I have to say...


 
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last12C is offline last12C Post #10  October 21,2008, 4:55pm
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I agree that true love cannot be searched for and found. It is something that simply happens. Sometimes it is convenient; sometimes it is not :-) But it's always a wonderful thing to experience.You can try to manufacture it, but only the kind of love that finds you when you least expect it and shakes your world turns out in the end to be the real thing. The greatest love of my life was with the least likely person on earth. It caught me by surprise and those surprises never stopped coming for the rest of his life. As a result, I’ve come to really like surprises :-)
 
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