Does anyone still respect Chivalry, was it ever respected?


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
veekay is offline veekay Post #31  October 25,2008, 2:26am
veekay's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2008

Posts: 2

See profile

LonelyStarState,294977 wrote :

it didn't concern you. you should have minded your own business unless the guy was beating her up, if she verbalized to you for your assistance.
Wow! They are still crawling out from under their rocks aren't they?/
 
  Reply With Quote
tbesq is offline tbesq Post #32  October 25,2008, 8:58am
tbesq's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 3,536

See profile



I agree with most of the posters. In nightclubs, people bump people all the time. If there was a different setting, say, the opera, I could understand why this would be a big date, since civility is more expected in situations such as that. But with most clubs being crowded anyway, and with the drinking and Lord knows whatever is going on, this stuff happens. I'm sure PulpFriction knows this. My question is this...were you just trying to impress the girl? If so, what you did makes more sense. But I expect to get thrown out of a bar for starting a fight, not for refusing to apologize for bumping into a woman.


Now, to answer the underlying question ... is chivalry dead? No, it's not. At every opportunity I go out of my way to do things for women (i.e. hold doors, let her in front of me in line if she has less stuff). I don't have a problem doing that, and most of them appreciate it. Of course, with the feminist/gender equality movement, you also find some women who don't appreciate it. But as a bouncer, what PulpFriction did is outside the purview of most bouncers' responsibility.
 
  Reply With Quote
JAZZYJO is offline JAZZYJO Post #33  October 29,2008, 1:33pm

hey mister- throw me something!

Unregistered

Joined: Sep 2008

LOUISIANA

Posts: 232

See profile



Chivalry is not dead and it is doesnt go unseen, I think it's really just a matter of someone's manners and personality. I went out with this guy on one date and it started rainning, I in high heels and him carrying the umbrella. He ran to the truck and left me in the rain trying to run in the heels , in fact I had to knock on the window when I got to the truck, with water dripping off my nose for him to unlock the door so I could get in. When I ask him to take me home, he acted like he didnt have a clue why I would be upset. On the other hand I dated this one guy who everytime a women got up from the table , we were in a group of people he would stand up also. I thought this was a bit much after a couple of times and it got on my nerves. I find that alot of people just do not seem to have been raised with the same manners that I was. Like , dont talk on a cell phone or send tex messages if your at the table with someone inless its a emerg. , dont talk loud in a movie, etc... As forkissing the guy on the cheek, if he did something nice for her, and it was his personilty to point to his cheek, then so what if she kissed him there. To me that would have been kinda sweet.
 
  Reply With Quote
abnoba is offline abnoba Post #34  October 29,2008, 2:06pm

I just found out my gramma died. I feel so very sad. I will miss her a lot.

Unregistered

Joined: Sep 2008

North America

Posts: 1,168

See profile



I think the OP acted too quickly and helped escalate a small incidence of rudeness into a potential major fight and a loss of employment. It is not up to every wannabe knight in shining armor to come to the rescue of the fair damsel slightly wronged. This is not a case of chivalry but rather a poor judgement call.


Did he check with the woman before asking some guy with a belly full of beer to apologize and force him to lose face in front of his peers? Did he have to confront the guy near closing time. Surely a "professional" should know that drunk men are not exactly the most rational of creatures to deal with and that some care should be taken before challenging them on what appears to have been a pretty minor event.


It is easy to escalate a situation from a minor incident to a potentially major one, professional people handlers try to de escalate not escalate situations. I wonder if the macho show wasn't for the benefit of the girl in question, show her that he has the gonads to look after her.


Anyway, weep all you want over the loss or wonderful example of chivalry you see in this story. I don't see chivalry but rather a mis handled event, that should have never got that far.
 
  Reply With Quote
renewedguy is offline renewedguy Post #35  October 30,2008, 2:01pm
renewedguy's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Aug 2008

Woodland, CA

Posts: 49

See profile

Pulpfriction, wrote :

Im a bouncer at a Pasadena night club. I respect everyone and ask that they respect each other, the establishment and it's employees. My job is to make sure that the really intoxicated persons are asked to leave in a professional manner. I do that, regardless of who they are, with a smile and a handshake I usually can ask anyone to leave and they will. At times, I do have to hold back the smile and the handshake and just take care of business.


Here's the scenario foryou all. While closing the club the other night,there are like 5 people left and afemale comes out fromthe restroom andsome guy bumps her. She says, "hey" and looks at me. I ask her if that guy bumped her and shesays,"yes", I then proceed to do my job and ask the guy if he failed to see the young lady whom he justbumped... needless to say he gets beligerant and happens to bethe cousin ofthe owners....the owners and the guy are yelling at each otherand then the owners said to me, "if we bump into women, we don't apologize".. I was told thatI started it by checking the guy.... andif I am here to start problems I could leave ( worked there for 1 year already, never a problemby me and I don't drink while working, unlike the owners... )Enough for me, I quit on them right there as I don't play favorites when I domy job... what really burns me though... is the fact that they told me that they don't apologize ifthey bump into women...Was I wrong to ask that guy what's up? Am I wrong to do that even if I am not working? What's your take on Chivalry people? Does it warrant anything anymore?


Hurry, my armor is rusting
I say that you stood your ground very well. I believe that aperson should apologize to the other person that he or she bumped into. If he or she doesn't apologize, it's considered a gesture of rudeness. I always apologize when I bump into other people and when they acknowlege that apology, I know I'm forgiven.
 
  Reply With Quote
c_d is offline c_d Post #36  October 30,2008, 9:11pm
c_d's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2008

Posts: 6

See profile

Pulpfriction, wrote :

then the owners said to me, "if we bump into women, we don't apologize... Was I wrong to ask that guy what's up? Am I wrong to do that even if I am not working? What's your take on Chivalry people? Does it warrant anything anymore?
Chivalry has certainly been made light of in recent years, I think. In some ways that's good and some ways it's bad. I am at university right now, and I am always pleasantly surprised by a male holding a door for me, whether they're my age or upper level faculty. Maybe it's because I'm a tall woman, or that I'm fine with someone entering themselves and making sure the door doesn't shut on me, or that when I'm with my friends I tend to be the one holding the door .





However, if I were to go sit down in a class or at the dining hall and a guy I was eating with came around and pulled out my chair for me I would be offended since it's well within my capabilities to do that myself. (Note: this changed when I was on crutches and dealing with schoolbags.) It would also make me wary of that person since my university is notorious for guys stalking the girls...





If a guy bumped into me and it didn't really hurt I would have said "Oops, Excuse me!" and walked away. Maybe she felt it was more than that and felt that she couldn't speak up, which certainly seems to be the case when you take into account how you were treated. I think that you did what you think is right, but that maybe there was an alternate way to diffuse the situation. I wasn't there so I'm not sure.
 
  Reply With Quote
rider4life is offline rider4life Post #37  October 31,2008, 7:37am
rider4life's Avatar

is happy.

Quick Study

Joined: Jul 2008

New Hampshire

Posts: 128

See profile



I agree with the folks that say this was blown out of proportion.


If the offense was not intentional, it could have easily been dealt with by stepping up and saying to the guy in a calm tone "Hey Bro, go easy." and then spending the majority of the time soothing the ruffled feathers of the woman.


On the other hand, if it was intentional, that is another case altogether. I have been in a large crowd at a concert and have witnessed guys using this as an opportunity to grope and rub against girls as they try to get through the crowd. It was a pleasure to "tap" the guy in the solar plexus and step over him as he dropped to his knees gasping. It just took a split second of my time and felt so good (to me at least).


As a representitive of the club's owners your job is to improve the customer's experience and there is no reason why you could not have apologized to the woman for overcrowding and still remained honorable. From your description the guy did not intentionally run her down. A bouncer's job is not to escalate issues but to difuse them. He didn't have a problem, she did. Your time is better spent helping her. If she was looking for attention, give it to her.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« How can I stay with her? Should I? | Relationships | What keeps a person during tough times stay in a relationship? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 2:32am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0