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veekay veekay is offline
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LonelyStarState wrote :

it didn't concern you. you should have minded your own business unless the guy was beating her up, if she verbalized to you for your assistance.
Wow! They are still crawling out from under their rocks aren't they?/
- October 25th, 2008, 03:26 am
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tbesq tbesq is offline
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I agree with most of the posters. In nightclubs, people bump people all the time. If there was a different setting, say, the opera, I could understand why this would be a big date, since civility is more expected in situations such as that. But with most clubs being crowded anyway, and with the drinking and Lord knows whatever is going on, this stuff happens. I'm sure PulpFriction knows this. My question is this...were you just trying to impress the girl? If so, what you did makes more sense. But I expect to get thrown out of a bar for starting a fight, not for refusing to apologize for bumping into a woman.


Now, to answer the underlying question ... is chivalry dead? No, it's not. At every opportunity I go out of my way to do things for women (i.e. hold doors, let her in front of me in line if she has less stuff). I don't have a problem doing that, and most of them appreciate it. Of course, with the feminist/gender equality movement, you also find some women who don't appreciate it. But as a bouncer, what PulpFriction did is outside the purview of most bouncers' responsibility.
- October 25th, 2008, 09:58 am
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JAZZYJO JAZZYJO is offline
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Chivalry is not dead and it is doesnt go unseen, I think it's really just a matter of someone's manners and personality. I went out with this guy on one date and it started rainning, I in high heels and him carrying the umbrella. He ran to the truck and left me in the rain trying to run in the heels , in fact I had to knock on the window when I got to the truck, with water dripping off my nose for him to unlock the door so I could get in. When I ask him to take me home, he acted like he didnt have a clue why I would be upset. On the other hand I dated this one guy who everytime a women got up from the table , we were in a group of people he would stand up also. I thought this was a bit much after a couple of times and it got on my nerves. I find that alot of people just do not seem to have been raised with the same manners that I was. Like , dont talk on a cell phone or send tex messages if your at the table with someone inless its a emerg. , dont talk loud in a movie, etc... As forkissing the guy on the cheek, if he did something nice for her, and it was his personilty to point to his cheek, then so what if she kissed him there. To me that would have been kinda sweet.
- October 29th, 2008, 02:33 pm
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I think the OP acted too quickly and helped escalate a small incidence of rudeness into a potential major fight and a loss of employment. It is not up to every wannabe knight in shining armor to come to the rescue of the fair damsel slightly wronged. This is not a case of chivalry but rather a poor judgement call.


Did he check with the woman before asking some guy with a belly full of beer to apologize and force him to lose face in front of his peers? Did he have to confront the guy near closing time. Surely a "professional" should know that drunk men are not exactly the most rational of creatures to deal with and that some care should be taken before challenging them on what appears to have been a pretty minor event.


It is easy to escalate a situation from a minor incident to a potentially major one, professional people handlers try to de escalate not escalate situations. I wonder if the macho show wasn't for the benefit of the girl in question, show her that he has the gonads to look after her.


Anyway, weep all you want over the loss or wonderful example of chivalry you see in this story. I don't see chivalry but rather a mis handled event, that should have never got that far.
- October 29th, 2008, 03:06 pm
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renewedguy renewedguy is offline
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Pulpfriction, wrote :

Im a bouncer at a Pasadena night club. I respect everyone and ask that they respect each other, the establishment and it's employees. My job is to make sure that the really intoxicated persons are asked to leave in a professional manner. I do that, regardless of who they are, with a smile and a handshake I usually can ask anyone to leave and they will. At times, I do have to hold back the smile and the handshake and just take care of business.


Here's the scenario foryou all. While closing the club the other night,there are like 5 people left and afemale comes out fromthe restroom andsome guy bumps her. She says, "hey" and looks at me. I ask her if that guy bumped her and shesays,"yes", I then proceed to do my job and ask the guy if he failed to see the young lady whom he justbumped... needless to say he gets beligerant and happens to bethe cousin ofthe owners....the owners and the guy are yelling at each otherand then the owners said to me, "if we bump into women, we don't apologize".. I was told thatI started it by checking the guy.... andif I am here to start problems I could leave ( worked there for 1 year already, never a problemby me and I don't drink while working, unlike the owners... )Enough for me, I quit on them right there as I don't play favorites when I domy job... what really burns me though... is the fact that they told me that they don't apologize ifthey bump into women...Was I wrong to ask that guy what's up? Am I wrong to do that even if I am not working? What's your take on Chivalry people? Does it warrant anything anymore?


Hurry, my armor is rusting
I say that you stood your ground very well. I believe that aperson should apologize to the other person that he or she bumped into. If he or she doesn't apologize, it's considered a gesture of rudeness. I always apologize when I bump into other people and when they acknowlege that apology, I know I'm forgiven.
- October 30th, 2008, 03:01 pm
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Pulpfriction, wrote :

then the owners said to me, "if we bump into women, we don't apologize... Was I wrong to ask that guy what's up? Am I wrong to do that even if I am not working? What's your take on Chivalry people? Does it warrant anything anymore?
Chivalry has certainly been made light of in recent years, I think. In some ways that's good and some ways it's bad. I am at university right now, and I am always pleasantly surprised by a male holding a door for me, whether they're my age or upper level faculty. Maybe it's because I'm a tall woman, or that I'm fine with someone entering themselves and making sure the door doesn't shut on me, or that when I'm with my friends I tend to be the one holding the door .





However, if I were to go sit down in a class or at the dining hall and a guy I was eating with came around and pulled out my chair for me I would be offended since it's well within my capabilities to do that myself. (Note: this changed when I was on crutches and dealing with schoolbags.) It would also make me wary of that person since my university is notorious for guys stalking the girls...





If a guy bumped into me and it didn't really hurt I would have said "Oops, Excuse me!" and walked away. Maybe she felt it was more than that and felt that she couldn't speak up, which certainly seems to be the case when you take into account how you were treated. I think that you did what you think is right, but that maybe there was an alternate way to diffuse the situation. I wasn't there so I'm not sure.
- October 30th, 2008, 10:11 pm
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rider4life rider4life is offline
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I agree with the folks that say this was blown out of proportion.


If the offense was not intentional, it could have easily been dealt with by stepping up and saying to the guy in a calm tone "Hey Bro, go easy." and then spending the majority of the time soothing the ruffled feathers of the woman.


On the other hand, if it was intentional, that is another case altogether. I have been in a large crowd at a concert and have witnessed guys using this as an opportunity to grope and rub against girls as they try to get through the crowd. It was a pleasure to "tap" the guy in the solar plexus and step over him as he dropped to his knees gasping. It just took a split second of my time and felt so good (to me at least).


As a representitive of the club's owners your job is to improve the customer's experience and there is no reason why you could not have apologized to the woman for overcrowding and still remained honorable. From your description the guy did not intentionally run her down. A bouncer's job is not to escalate issues but to difuse them. He didn't have a problem, she did. Your time is better spent helping her. If she was looking for attention, give it to her.
- October 31st, 2008, 08:37 am
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