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FruitaBu FruitaBu is offline
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cp30, wrote :
But it was hard when he was using me as a punching bag or trying to sleep with me but offering no sort of promises about the future. Not that I was really wanting that...but its a bit offensive if someone thinks its okay to have sex with you when its a good time for them, perhaps once every 2 years or something.* whatever.
And did you give in to that or say no?
- October 11th, 2008, 10:03 pm
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cp30 cp30 is offline
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oh fruity!! I thought you were my friend! I'm gonna remember that one...


even if I had there is no way I'd admit it here, not with the likes of Java prowling this place. (you know I love you Java...but).


Lets just say my behavior was less than perfect this weekend and as I said I behaved with grace about 70% of the time. And I'm pretty sure depsite my good intentions I made his weekend worse.


But for whatever reason....he thought we had a "positive experience" I kinda think he liked that I made the weekend more about talking than having fun. I tried to be easy to be with but failed miserably at times.


It was the first time I saw him in about 3 years. It was hard to keep my emotions in tact at all times. He seems to have a greater understanding that its not "all about him" he said thw words "maybe I grew up this weekend"


I think that had something to do with me being more about talking than.....you know.
- October 11th, 2008, 10:14 pm
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FruitaBu FruitaBu is offline
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I am your friend. Would have never asked if you hadn't brought it up.
- October 11th, 2008, 10:21 pm
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RRoland RRoland is offline
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By December of next year there will be wedding bells ringing. Which will be unfortunate as I see a divorce shortly afterwards.


Just as I had predicted last time, you did have sex. No big surprise there.
- October 11th, 2008, 10:33 pm
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cp30 cp30 is offline
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oh please... you don't know what you speak of...not that I didn't see that one coming (your pretty predictable yourself)


but if we ever got married I'm sure we would not divorce. That much I know.


I dont see that happening though, the marriage.
- October 11th, 2008, 10:37 pm
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cp30 wrote :

oh please... you don't know what you speak of...not that I didn't see that one coming (your pretty predictable yourself)


but if we ever got married I'm sure we would not divorce. That much I know.


I dont see that happening though, the marriage.
My eyesight is better than yours.


Don't do it.
- October 11th, 2008, 10:43 pm
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TexasCarGuy TexasCarGuy is offline
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Dealing with ex's is hard, true. It is like going back into the give and take of the relationship as if you had never been apart, sorta. There is the sex issue, it seemsso comfortable-- but it only complicates things, so best not.In your case, as an armchair pschologist, you have plenty of red flags -- you the helper/enabler of his child like behavior; him hurting you (abuse?) mentally (yelling in public) and physically, or did I misread that part?; him blackmailing you to stay by threats of suicide, maybe.... Anyway, he is a grown man and you cannot prevent his suicide, realize that now. Also, a change in his financial circumstances will change his mental state,his ego and selfish behavior did not go away over the weekend, only morphed slightly from what you had lived with previously. There was a good reason to divorce, from what you wrote. One goal for all of us, is an equal and kind relationship. Not a care taker/ user abuser relationship! Just my 2 C's.


PS you sound very kind and deserve much better.
- October 11th, 2008, 10:45 pm
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TexasCarGuy TexasCarGuy is offline
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"Also, a change in his financial circumstances will change his mental state," should read:Also, a change in his financial circumstances will NOT change his mental state,


sorry for my poor typing and spelling for that matter!
- October 11th, 2008, 10:47 pm
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peg099 peg099 is offline
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cp30 wrote :

The main reason I am trying to get this clear in my head is that I don't want it to keep me from other opportunites with men that know how to treat a woman. I really do want to meet the RIGHT person and settle down...
It's hard to be open to a healthy relationship when your heart is still entangled with an old flame. If you were to meet Mr. Right tomorrow, would you notice? Or would you be too pre-occupied with your ex?


The fact that you're talking about this and open to getting feedback and support is a good thing. Letting go can be hard, and it won't happen until you're ready. But I think talking about it helps you get there. And for your sake I hope you get there sooner rather than later.


- October 11th, 2008, 10:51 pm
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RRoland RRoland is offline
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Letting go can indeed be hard, and it has only been... what... like 10 years?
- October 11th, 2008, 10:57 pm
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