silentdragon1 is offline silentdragon1 Post #1  September 30,2008, 7:59pm
silentdragon1's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2008

Posts: 1

See profile



Well, I am in a wierd sort of position. I have become emotionally involved with someone at work, and that is not the half of it. She is in a common law marriage and has a child. I am just too new at this so called life to know how to deal, if I can at all. I wish I could just quit, but that is not possible. The kill shot is that she reciprocates the feelings at times, but other times she just destroys me. I feel that she is just using me, but I am too pitiful to stop it. I really need some advice, I am so helpless, so lost. I know I sound so negative, but I am just not experienced, I just want to hear if any one else has gone through the same, and what they did or did not do.
 
  Reply With Quote
nurse_girl444 is offline nurse_girl444 Post #2  October 2,2008, 7:53am
nurse_girl444's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2008

Boston

Posts: 25

See profile



My current ex became involved with someone he still works with before we began dating. This woman was in a relationship with another man at the time and she eventually went back to her boyfriend. My ex still has to see her at work on a daily basis and it has caused him a lot of issues. I think it was probably a factor in our break-up. The way I look at it, my ex's realtionship with this woman was never real, but it caused real issues for him and our relationship. Caution.
 
  Reply With Quote
avonklk is offline avonklk Post #3  October 2,2008, 3:35pm
avonklk's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Apr 2008

Minnesota

Posts: 70

See profile



silentdragon1, wrote :


Well, I am in a wierd sort of position. I have become emotionally involved with someone at work, and that is not the half of it. She is in a common law marriage and has a child. I am just too new at this so called life to know how to deal, if I can at all. I wish I could just quit, but that is not possible. The kill shot is that she reciprocates the feelings at times, but other times she just destroys me. I feel that she is just using me, but I am too pitiful to stop it. I really need some advice, I am so helpless, so lost. I know I sound so negative, but I am just not experienced, I just want to hear if any one else has gone through the same, and what they did or did not do.


First, work relationships just don't work for the most part and just plain not a good idea. Second, if she has a child and already involved with someone, you should have sense enough NOT to intervene or make advances, it will backfire on you. You indicated that she "responds" to you, but you may be intrepeting "feelings" as she is being polite and talking to you or making conversation. She can't "use" you if there is no relationship with you. You did indicate that you are too new...and just not experienced. I am assuming you are younger and have not dated enough or had any long-term relationship.


I believe if you check through the dating and relationship topics, you may gain some experience and "insight" that may be helpful. I believe "Nurse Girl" stated it very well with her experience with her partner at the time. That the relationship was only"real" to her "ex", which caused real problems with their relationship, which ended it. This is perhaps the same situation; however, this is probably only real to you, as you statedYOU had become emotionally involved with someone at work. Therewas no "we" involved. I don't think you need to quit your job especially if you enjoy it, as jobs are difficult to come by. Perhaps if you have the option transfer to a different department so you do not have everyday contact with her. Also, by saying you are to "pitiful to stop it", you probably wantto be involved, but know that you cannot. Keep in mind, don't be so hard on yourself by saying you are "pitiful". You are just having a difficult time with feelings you have. So, you can look at it this way, that you are gaining experience, maybe not what you want, but nevertheless it's experience.


Bottom line, find a way to continue with your work and minimize your conversation or realize the conversations are only between two co-workers! Be careful, as there is that very fine line at work you do no want to cross. I say this bycomplete experience and being at the department end of dealing with these issues.


*************************************


I submitted my reply then went back to check your profile, which I should have done first, so I came back to edit my response to you. So my assumption that you wereyounger was correct. You are a STATE EMPLOYEE!!! I can definitely speak from experience there. And, yes, you do not want to relinquish such a job at your age and the benefits the State provides, you can go very far. You should feel very fortunate to have a State job at your age. I was about that age whenI started, and I started at the Governor's Office! What an experience that was!


I was the office manager for many years for the State of MN for one of the largest departments, working fordepartment directors and commissioners. So Iam sure, if you opted that you could not work in the same department with this person you should be able to transferto a different departmentin a similar position that you hold now. More so, my experience in working with personnel and affirmative action, once again, as Nurse Girl suggested "caution".
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« I Need Help | Relationships | Does infatuation = chemestry? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Absolutely not. I have no idea why allowing gays to marry would affect anyone's lives, unless they're sexually insecure about themselves.” –  sun73

Join the “Did our President give up the election for a single issue?” discussion

“I learned that the woman's communication style has to fit mine or else it won't work.” –  sun73

Join the “Why do 40 yr olds still play games?” discussion

“Here's where to email if you think a match might be a fraud: matchconcerns@eharmony.com . Tell them the match's name and location so they can find them. If what's making you suspicious is an email ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“I know you clarified you just want a general opinion on when people bring this subject up, but I'm going to give you both that and also what I believe you should do. The general idea most of the ... ” –  Herkemer

Join the “When is it time to discuss your position on having kids?” discussion

“And that's a very valid point. I get the feeling that eHarmony is keeping their price high to show they they are not cheap and therefore, their members are serious.It seems to me that combining the ... ” –  MicMan

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“How long have you all been on EH? Thanks for the advice. I signed on in late April 2012 but have been on other dating sites in the past.” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “New Here” discussion

“The only one that bothers me is the "they weren't his kids so meh ..." But there could be a whole world of story behind that. Like "she dumped me and it was painful and I hated losing the kids in ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 11:07am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0