Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Relationships Relationships: they have their ups and their downs. Share your joy or weather the storm in this discussion board.

Reply
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 Last »
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
AnEarForYou AnEarForYou is offline
AnEarForYou's Avatar

Quick Study

Join Date: Nov 2007

Posts: 231

See profile



Okay, so I have been with my current boyfriend for a year now. We have lived together since July, and everything is honkey dorey in our relationship, always has been — please don't kill me single people. I'm so happy, and I think anyone who has ever read more than a few of my posts knows how much I love him. Only one thing: I can't stop thinking about marriage!


Last night I dreamed that he gave me ring box with a giant amethyst heart necklace in it, and I was so disappointed it wasn't an engagement ring that I practically made him propose right then and there before he was ready, when in real life, I'd be SOOO happy with the necklace in my dream. I know you only get one courting period, one wedding day, one honeymoon in your life (ideally), and I really honestly do want to savor every moment leading up to all that, so why am I so obsessed with this engagement thing?


I also know it has only been a year, and I would never expect a proposal so soon. So why do I keep dreaming up these proposal scenarios? What is it? Is it just because we are at that age where everyone we know is getting married or engaged? Is it because I'm going to turn 26 next year? And what the heck can I do to get it out of my head! I really need to do that. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks!
- September 26th, 2008, 10:28 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#1   Reply With Quote
Sarah Sarah is offline
Sarah's Avatar

Sarah Clint Eastwood as a Puppy. "Do you feel lucky Punk?"

Veteran

Join Date: Nov 2007

Posts: 1,090

See profile



I'm happy for you that you are in a relationship and you seem to be happy and in love with a man you adore. It's normal to think about marriage when you are in love and spending time with the guy you are in love with. After a year or so, women do tend to think about it.


You asked how you can get it out of your head, I would say find other things to focus on. What do you have going on in your life that you find fulfilling and joyful.


Not to rain on your parade and I apologize ahead of time, but I have to ask do you know statistically couples who live together seldom marry? I realize that stats can be wrong. What prompted you and this guy to move in together?


A lot of times when couples do this, they put themselves in a shady gray situation. You're not married but you 'feel married", perhaps this is contributing to your overwhelming focus on marrying this guy because you are behaving as a married couple when in fact you are boyfriend and girlfriend.


If you're living together before marriage and behaving like a married couple in every way, what then is the incentive for the guy to actually marry you? What would he get differently through marriage that he isn't already getting now without it?


- September 26th, 2008, 11:18 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#2   Reply With Quote
JHerndon JHerndon is offline
JHerndon's Avatar

JHerndon sings If the sun don't come up tomorrow, people I have had a good time!

Enthusiast

Join Date: Dec 2007

Posts: 928

See profile

Sarah wrote :

If you're living together before marriage and behaving like a married couple in every way, what then is the incentive for the guy to actually marry you? What would he get differently through marriage that he isn't already getting now without it?

The incentive is that it's the right thing to do and that his partner would feel a lot more secure and would probably be willing to give a lot more to the relationship without feeling the need to hold back. The downside is he would also get a 50% chance to lose 50% of his stuff.
- September 26th, 2008, 11:45 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#3   Reply With Quote
ThePriestess ThePriestess is offline
ThePriestess's Avatar

ThePriestess thinks this place is great for advice on how to stay single!

Sage

Join Date: Apr 2008

Posts: 10,196

See profile

AnEarForYou, wrote :

And what the heck can I do to get it out of my head! I really need to do that. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks!
Play WoW.
- September 26th, 2008, 11:46 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#4   Reply With Quote
danb35 danb35 is offline
danb35's Avatar

Pacesetter

Join Date: Feb 2008

Posts: 293

See profile

AnEarForYou, wrote :

I also know it has only been a year, and I would never expect a proposal so soon.
Well, why not? I'd think that in a year, you should both have a pretty good idea of whether you want to marry or not.
- September 26th, 2008, 12:15 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#5   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

wonder wonder is offline
wonder's Avatar

Quick Study

Join Date: Aug 2008

Posts: 50

See profile



well let me say I've been feeling the same in my relationship that I just want to get married and its been just over a year as well......however he's not ready. I don't talk to him about the idea that I want to because I don't want to pressure him, but my constant thinking about it has put pressure and stress on the relationship on my part. I want that commitment, and its beginning to consume me, and because of that I feel he's treating medifferently and holding back with me and not feeling the same towards me,when in reality after reading various opinions on other posts i'm starting to realize thathe does, and I have put that pressure on the relationship. so just watch out that it doesn't consume you to the point of thinking......is he ever going to do it will it ever happen which can then lead to feelings that it wont and get upset with him.
- September 26th, 2008, 01:19 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#6   Reply With Quote
cdr4 cdr4 is offline
cdr4's Avatar

Unregistered

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 251

See profile



26 is way too young to be married. Also, if you keep thinking about marriage you will nag him sooner or later when he will bolt.
- September 26th, 2008, 01:25 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#7   Reply With Quote
TrixiPooch TrixiPooch is offline
TrixiPooch's Avatar

TrixiPooch sniffing around the boards again.

Enthusiast

Join Date: Mar 2008

Posts: 576

See profile



My question for you: if your only option was to go down to the courthouse this weekend - no engagement ring, no wedding plans, no honeymoon. Back to work Monday. Would you still be in a hurry to get married? Are you dreaming about being married - or are you dreaming about the wedding? I'm asking because when I was 26 - 10 years ago - I was caught up in the romantic idea of marriage - proposal, engagement, wedding, honeymoon, etc - and had I let that get the best of me, I would likely be divorced by now. Just make sure you want to be married for the right reasons.
- September 26th, 2008, 01:43 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#8   Reply With Quote
Sarah Sarah is offline
Sarah's Avatar

Sarah Clint Eastwood as a Puppy. "Do you feel lucky Punk?"

Veteran

Join Date: Nov 2007

Posts: 1,090

See profile

JHerndon wrote :

Sarah wrote :


If you're living together before marriage and behaving like a married couple in every way, what then is the incentive for the guy to actually marry you? What would he get differently through marriage that he isn't already getting now without it?





The incentive is that it's the right thing to do and that his partner would feel a lot more secure and would probably be willing to give a lot more to the relationship without feeling the need to hold back. The downside is he would also get a 50% chance to lose 50% of his stuff.
I hope you're right in that her boyfriend will see the intrinsic value of marrying his SO. There are a lot of married couples who feel that marriage has not encouraged their spouses to give more of themselves without holding back.


For me, I'd like to think that I would make an emotional investment in someone and not hold back because I love them andhope that they love me in the same regard. If marriage comes out of it, that's great. But if someone is holding back on loving me in the relationship we have for whatever reason, that doesn't speakof love to me.It speaks of fear and insecurity.


I'd like to know Before I marry this person what they are like and if they are capable of loving. If I can't feel secure with someone and happy withthe relationship thatI have with thembefore I marry them, marriage won't make me feel more secure and happy. Now if I'm with someone and giving my all and the relationship is at a dead end, then that tells me I need to leave that person alone.
- September 26th, 2008, 01:55 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#9   Reply With Quote
AnEarForYou AnEarForYou is offline
AnEarForYou's Avatar

Quick Study

Join Date: Nov 2007

Posts: 231

See profile

Sarah wrote :

JHerndon wrote :


Sarah wrote :


If you're living together before marriage and behaving like a married couple in every way, what then is the incentive for the guy to actually marry you? What would he get differently through marriage that he isn't already getting now without it?





The incentive is that it's the right thing to do and that his partner would feel a lot more secure and would probably be willing to give a lot more to the relationship without feeling the need to hold back. The downside is he would also get a 50% chance to lose 50% of his stuff.


I hope you're right in that her boyfriend will see the intrinsic value of marrying his SO. There are a lot of married couples who feel that marriage has not encouraged their spouses to give more of themselves without holding back.


For me, I'd like to think that I would make an emotional investment in someone and not hold back because I love them andhope that they love me in the same regard. If marriage comes out of it, that's great. But if someone is holding back on loving me in the relationship we have for whatever reason, that doesn't speakof love to me.It speaks of fear and insecurity.


I'd like to know Before I marry this person what they are like and if they are capable of loving. If I can't feel secure with someone and happy withthe relationship thatI have with thembefore I marry them, marriage won't make me feel more secure and happy. Now if I'm with someone and giving my all and the relationship is at a dead end, then that tells me I need to leave that person alone.
Sarah, I am educated about the statistics, and I'm more certain that they say people who live together first and then get married are more likely to get divorced, not that people who live tog. are less inclined to get married. I could be wrong, but either way, i don't care. That's not what I want this thread to be about; that's only negative thinking. I'm not unsure of whether he will someday marry me, I know he will, and I liked JHerndon's response.


Really, I just wanted to know if this is natural etc., what I can do about it if it's not. Thanks!
- September 26th, 2008, 02:42 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#10   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 Last »

Bookmarks

« Long Distance Relationship Birthday Ideas | Array | Dr.Jekyll & Mr. Hyde »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Yeah.. that's what strawberry cheesequake blizzards are for! Thank you Dairy Queen!” – FruitaBu

Join the “Alcohol and dating...” discussion

“ To spell it out chapter verse line and page for you: Because you are coming on like gangbusters, that is why. This kind of thing turns off ALL women, even *I* know that. I think you need ... ” – 6dle899

Join the “I'm New after 22 years of Marriage, Help!!!” discussion

“ Sassafras54 Maybe the culture is moving in the direction of over-sharing. People get on tv shows like Dr Phil, Judge Judy, etc and spill intimate stuff, mostly negative, about themselves to ... ” – Lilycat

Join the “Why overshare?” discussion

“ That woman was kind enough to give you a warning...did you ignore it? She might be a good one for casual dating as long as you don't put your eggmotion in one basket. Play the field a little ... ” – PY_2

Join the “A big change suddenly” discussion

“There are no "best" ones. You select the five that are relevant/important to you.” – JerzyGirl527

Join the “Questions to ask on eHarmony” discussion

“Hi..I never got into Lost-I missed the first couple of seasons due to school conflicts. However I am enjoying Flash Forward a lot. I'm majorly surprised by the quality of the acting and the way ... ” – RoxyRedhead

Join the “Flash Forward” discussion

“I've cancelled my account. As of Dec 3 I will no longer be a paying member. I am fed up with my quality of matches. I know they don't go by appearance however I have been matched with what I would ... ” – JerzyGirl527

Join the “What am I doing wrong?” discussion

“I would like to thank the academy, and I think Taylor Swift got the best album of all time! Peace! Oh noodles...that was a good one though!” – indigirl1975

Join the “I want to thank my EX” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:49 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0