BillLvsGolf is offline BillLvsGolf Post #1  September 26,2008, 4:09am
BillLvsGolf's Avatar

Has found what he has been looking for!!

Pacesetter

Joined: Aug 2008

NW Indiana

Posts: 233

See profile



I have gone out with several women who were divorced for varying amounts of time. I could tell that one was still not over her ex. Yet others were glad to have moved on.


They say that there are three sides to the story, mine, their's and the truth. So my question is do you feel you are better off divorced from your spouse? Were you the leaver or the leftee? Also, do you think that the time that has passed since your divorce determines your attitude now toward these answers?
 
  Reply With Quote
Songryder is offline Songryder Post #2  September 26,2008, 6:15am
Songryder's Avatar

A smile is worth singing for!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2008

California

Posts: 2,501

See profile

BillLvsGolf, wrote :

I have gone out with several women who were divorced for varying amounts of time. I could tell that one was still not over her ex. Yet others were glad to have moved on.


They say that there are three sides to the story, mine, their's and the truth. So my question is do you feel you are better off divorced from your spouse? Were you the leaver or the leftee? Also, do you think that the time that has passed since your divorce determines your attitude now toward these answers?

Everyone has their side of the divorce story.I can tell you I hate being right about my side of the story.I think there's truth in how each person deals with divorce. In both cases with my exhusband of 15 years and my ex BF of two years, I was the leaver. I can say I'm much better off for having made those decisions for my own health and well being.


Time is the great equalizer in the healing process of a break up. The more time that passes, the more prespective you gain on those past experiences and it gets to the point where you have run the gauntlet of the emotional scale. All the anger/resentment/grief/loss get played out in various ways and over time, you realize you have a choice to remain stuck in these emotions or "own" them and move toward a better life.
 
  Reply With Quote
ksd is offline ksd Post #3  September 26,2008, 8:56am
ksd's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Jun 2008

Michigan

Posts: 625

See profile



I am most definately better off. A lot of thing I could say but there wasa couplethings that kept coming up.She was not a very neat person, she did not work and was home pretty much all day and the house was always a mess. I did help out me at first but it seemed like the more I did the less she did. She had two cats and was not good at keeping the litter box clean. She was drainging us financially and she either could not see it or did not care.Two of her favorite sayings was "so what if we cant afford it do it anyways & " Don't let money be an excuse not to do something".and her children were an issue. I dont know how many times I said one thing and she said just the opposite and if I did not like it that was my problem.


I don't think time will change my opinion much but then again only time will tell and I was the one who left.
 
  Reply With Quote
islandrain80 is offline islandrain80 Post #4  September 26,2008, 11:20am
islandrain80's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Feb 2008

Washington

Posts: 484

See profile

BillLvsGolf, wrote :

I have gone out with several women who were divorced for varying amounts of time. I could tell that one was still not over her ex. Yet others were glad to have moved on.


They say that there are three sides to the story, mine, their's and the truth. So my question is do you feel you are better off divorced from your spouse? Were you the leaver or the leftee? Also, do you think that the time that has passed since your divorce determines your attitude now toward these answers?

I was the one who left. I'm 110% better off without him. My time that had past since the divorce has not changed my answer. If you asked me this when I said I wanted a divorce...it would of been the same
 
  Reply With Quote
talonfinite is offline talonfinite Post #5  September 26,2008, 12:59pm
talonfinite's Avatar

figured out even Green Elephants can't have Absinthe

Quick Study

Joined: Sep 2008

Bay Area, CA

Posts: 168

See profile



I was the the one that was left... and sooooo glad she did!


Looking back on that time...at the beginning of the divorce I was sad she left but as the months passed and a year went by, I realized how much better off I was, how much happier I had become in that time. So I think, once the initial shock wore off and spent some time getting back into the 'I' rather than the 'we' groove, the true feelings emerged which were, thank you ex!!!
 
  Reply With Quote
lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #6  September 26,2008, 1:34pm
lacedwithhope's Avatar

dog slimed!

Power Poster

Joined: Aug 2008

At the left coast

Posts: 7,341

See profile



My divorce was messy, drawn-out, acrimonious and expensive. And YES! I'm better off emotionally, physically (he didn't 'want' me to play tennis, etc...), spiritually (he had extremism/religious fanaticism tendencies that he wanted me to share) and even financially (My budget is tight, but at least I don't owe the IRS anything!).


When I first filed for divorce (infidelity and many other breaches of trust) and much later when the divorce was final, I would have told you only that I was relieved. It's been a long healing process, but now I know exactly why I'm better off.


What's that expression, "Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it." Or, something like that. Making our happiness now is the best thing we can do. Although I've been single longer than I expected, I'm still excited at the prospect of a 'second chance.' [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-smile.gif[/img]
 
  Reply With Quote
hazmat is offline hazmat Post #7  September 26,2008, 4:49pm
hazmat's Avatar

is not back

Veteran

Joined: Apr 2008

Posts: 2,060

See profile



I'm MUCH better off. She asked for the separation, and if i'd known how to do cartwheels, I would have done some. I was thinking the same thing about the marriage. A month later, I asked for a divorce. Two months and 400 bucks later and it was done. It definitely pays to be even tempered and polite [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-laughing.gif[/img]


I don't carry any baggage from my 8 years, it was a good learning experience.
 
  Reply With Quote
mtw is offline mtw Post #8  September 26,2008, 5:17pm
mtw's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Aug 2008

SE PA

Posts: 180

See profile



I was married for 19 years, we split up 9 years ago. I knew it was time to throw in the towel when I realized that if I had to spend the rest of my life alone, it would still be preferable to staying married. I felt that way then and I still feel that way now. I was the one who said I wanted out, but I also feel there is more than one way to abandon someone who cares about you. I felt that he left me emotionally long before I left physically.
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #9  September 26,2008, 5:24pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile



I was left. And...I feel I can see her side of the story as well as my own. I was committed tosticking with our relationship and to make it as good as we possiblycould.However, Ialsothinkbeing divorcedWILL allow me to find someone who is more compatible with me than my ex was.
 
  Reply With Quote
legend29 is offline legend29 Post #10  September 26,2008, 5:25pm
legend29's Avatar

is upbeat and happy despite the smell of mendacity in the warm spring air!...:)

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2008

NY

Posts: 4,930

See profile



I left...feel much better off...


'Nuff Said!
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« What to do with my marriage? | Relationships | "Regards, ..." »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Absolutely not. I have no idea why allowing gays to marry would affect anyone's lives, unless they're sexually insecure about themselves.” –  sun73

Join the “Did our President give up the election for a single issue?” discussion

“I learned that the woman's communication style has to fit mine or else it won't work.” –  sun73

Join the “Why do 40 yr olds still play games?” discussion

“Here's where to email if you think a match might be a fraud: matchconcerns@eharmony.com . Tell them the match's name and location so they can find them. If what's making you suspicious is an email ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“I know you clarified you just want a general opinion on when people bring this subject up, but I'm going to give you both that and also what I believe you should do. The general idea most of the ... ” –  Herkemer

Join the “When is it time to discuss your position on having kids?” discussion

“And that's a very valid point. I get the feeling that eHarmony is keeping their price high to show they they are not cheap and therefore, their members are serious.It seems to me that combining the ... ” –  MicMan

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“How long have you all been on EH? Thanks for the advice. I signed on in late April 2012 but have been on other dating sites in the past.” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “New Here” discussion

“The only one that bothers me is the "they weren't his kids so meh ..." But there could be a whole world of story behind that. Like "she dumped me and it was painful and I hated losing the kids in ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 11:05am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0