PhtotSavy: I completely agree with you. "Loving a person so much is to allow the other time to be who they are," This is what I feel my "ex" did for me, even though I am the one who broke it off.i also agree being together all the time does not make them love you more or less. It's something that I personally work on now that I realize it. For some reason, I get nervous when there is a lot of space between me and my partner and worry that things have changed since the last time we were together. I am scared that I have been forgotten and am unimportant.. but then again I was a middle child so that could attribute to the reason.(Is there psychologist in the house? haha)


Anyway, again now that I am older and have been on my own without dating anyone for some time now,I realize it, andI do a better job keeping my head and heart in check. When I startto worry orquestion it, I remind myself that nothing is wrong and things are exactly the way I left them. If I haven't talked to my partner in a day or two or five, it doesn't mean that they have had a change of heart sinceour last encounter.A little background would probably help to shed light on how relavant these things have been to our relationship.


First, I married very young, at the age of 20. Stayed in the marriage for 4 1/2 years when I left (for good reason). The firstperson I met after my marriage was the "ex" I have been writing about. We were together for 3 years, livingtogether forthe last 2 of them. Now, I don't need to tell anyone on here how much one changes from the time they are 20,till 25, till 30. Honestly, I don't even recognize the person I was during my marriage.But at age 25 I had only had only been with one man, my husband (now ex-husband). At the age of 28, I had only been with 2 (the ex hubby and the ex i have beenwriting about)Being that the second relationship started as the first relationship end, yes, I think I developed a co-dependency.... a husband who was happy to pick up where my mom left off and thenentering almost immediately into another long term relationship. The last 2 years being on my own, I have grownindependent, living in a different state from my family and friends I grewup with and not having a relationship during this time (i've dated but no one I would call a boyfriend)... so I really do go it on myown. It's not always been fun or comfortable, but it's what needed to happen.That's why inmy original writing I say that the breakup was good for some reasons. I had never been on my own orreally even dated before.So, to answer your question, I think I have changed... but not the soulor heart part of me, just grown and learned andsee things in a different light from experience.


So,why does he want to spend time with me now?I can't say for sure, but probably for the same reason I want to spend timehim. I missed him. Time tends to make the heart forget about past transgression and for me it was easy to remember the times I felt very loved by him. Even still, there is an unspoken connection we seem to have when we are with each other.Iwould describe the first couple years of our relationship as effortlessly happy, and it's the way it feels now.I never had anything close since. Through meeting a lot of different people and through dating, I realize he is GOLD... not because we have a ton of common interests or because he wants to spend a lot of time with me so that I feel wanted, but because of who he is. In two years of us being apart, he hasn't even gone on a single date. I don't think either of us really moved on. Yes, I dated but I never really trusted anyone andnever felt my heart was unavailable to give anyone a real chance. (I even had a couple guys tell me this.) Finally, I feel like a big stick of DUH! slappedmein the face. I love him. I notonly love him, butI trust him and respect him. I have sure feeling of my head agreeing with my heart.... which doesn't happen too often for me in relationships.


Now, I feel it is my turn to "love a person so much to allow them time to be who they are". Ibroke up with a good man, who didn't deserve that. I'm sure it canbehard to trust that person again and I am prepared to give a lot of patience. He needs to know I'm not just having a bad week or a bad month.Patience is not my strongest suit but I am better about it now that I am older, and if that is what he needs, I will do whatever it takes to give it to him. Whether weend up together or not, I want him to be happy.I'm in the relationshipfor the both of us now and can see past my own needs to see the needs of my partner. It's a good place to be.


Thank you for yourvery relevant input.You are right on target as far I am concerned... Again,I'mtruly gratefulfor second chances and will not make the same mistake twice.