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iyampeachy iyampeachy is offline
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sheera007 wrote :

iyampeachy wrote :


Been there, done that. My advice? DON'T DO IT! I dated a guy who lived 5 hours away. A week here, a weekend there. In the end, I found that I didn't want him after I got to know him. The trouble was it took forever to get to know him since we were so far apart. If he were a normal distance away from me, I would have figured it out in about two months tops. Instead it was a waste of much more time than that. Besides, are you going to give up your life to move? Do you expect she will? Talk about pressure!


Why was it a waste of time?

Unless you had put your life on hold, for him... unless, during that time, you had denied yourself the opportunity, to get to know other guys too... I really don't see how it could have been a waste of time.


Did you not enjoy the time spent with him, up until the point that you realized you "didn't want him" after all? You must have enjoyed some of those weekends. If not, it would make no sense to keep seeing him again... and then yes, I guess it would be a waste of time.

Long distance or not. I wouldn't walk next door to spend time with a guy whose company I didn't enjoy... really, really enjoy... like dig-the-heII-out-of-it enjoy.
I do not "put my life on hold" while dating someone. Just because I choose to see only one person at a time if it is more than just a casual date, does not mean my life stops for the guy. The fact is, he was a fraud. He presented himself to be something he was not. Far too easy to do when you are not in close proximity to the person. I enjoyed my time with him while I was with him until it became clear that it was a facade. Every person has many layers. The more time you spend with them, the more layers are peeled away revealing more of the person. With him being so far away, it just stretched out the whole process and took longer to show himself as he was. I did not like what I saw once the real person was revealed. I ended it the moment I stopped enjoying myself. Looking back, I regret dating him at all. Therefore it was a waste of my time. At least now when I don't enjoy myself and I end it, I don't regret the time I put into it since it is usually quite brief.
- September 14th, 2008, 01:47 pm
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Tantalus Tantalus is offline
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Thanks for the comments, everybody. It's given me plenty to think about.
- September 14th, 2008, 02:21 pm
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sheera007 sheera007 is offline
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iyampeachy wrote :

sheera007 wrote :


iyampeachy wrote :


Been there, done that. My advice? DON'T DO IT! I dated a guy who lived 5 hours away. A week here, a weekend there. In the end, I found that I didn't want him after I got to know him. The trouble was it took forever to get to know him since we were so far apart. If he were a normal distance away from me, I would have figured it out in about two months tops. Instead it was a waste of much more time than that. Besides, are you going to give up your life to move? Do you expect she will? Talk about pressure!


Why was it a waste of time?

Unless you had put your life on hold, for him... unless, during that time, you had denied yourself the opportunity, to get to know other guys too... I really don't see how it could have been a waste of time.


Did you not enjoy the time spent with him, up until the point that you realized you "didn't want him" after all? You must have enjoyed some of those weekends. If not, it would make no sense to keep seeing him again... and then yes, I guess it would be a waste of time.

Long distance or not. I wouldn't walk next door to spend time with a guy whose company I didn't enjoy... really, really enjoy... like dig-the-heII-out-of-it enjoy.


I do not "put my life on hold" while dating someone. Just because I choose to see only one person at a time if it is more than just a casual date, does not mean my life stops for the guy. The fact is, he was a fraud. He presented himself to be something he was not. Far too easy to do when you are not in close proximity to the person. I enjoyed my time with him while I was with him until it became clear that it was a facade. Every person has many layers. The more time you spend with them, the more layers are peeled away revealing more of the person. With him being so far away, it just stretched out the whole process and took longer to show himself as he was. I did not like what I saw once the real person was revealed. I ended it the moment I stopped enjoying myself. Looking back, I regret dating him at all. Therefore it was a waste of my time. At least now when I don't enjoy myself and I end it, I don't regret the time I put into it since it is usually quite brief.
Sorry. I did not intend to offend. Just trying to understand why you continued to see someone who is a "waste of time". Now I get it. What I still don't get is why (or how) someone would be considered "more than just a casual date" before you really know him, regardless of how long it takes to get to know him.


At any rate,what initially caught my eye was your emphatic advice, "DON'T DO IT!"
Not all situations/circumstances are alike... as you can see by my friends' success story, above.

I have my own long-distance thing happening, as well. The only problem with the geographical distance is that we miss each other like crazy... and really, really want tobe together even when we can't be. We are seriously considering (one of us) relocating. But before either of us makes such a HUGE decision, as to uproot & relocate... we have an "extended visit" planned soon (just like my friends did) so that we can get a feel for what its like to be around each other all the time, through daily routines, work, workouts, business-as-usual, etc.

Whether the relationship develops as we think it will (or not) I do know him well enough to know that I will not consider it a waste of time.


BTW: I didn't meet him through a dating site. It was quite the random, chance encounter and we just hit it off.
- September 14th, 2008, 03:14 pm
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iyampeachy iyampeachy is offline
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sheera007 wrote :

iyampeachy wrote :


sheera007 wrote :


iyampeachy wrote :


Been there, done that. My advice? DON'T DO IT! I dated a guy who lived 5 hours away. A week here, a weekend there. In the end, I found that I didn't want him after I got to know him. The trouble was it took forever to get to know him since we were so far apart. If he were a normal distance away from me, I would have figured it out in about two months tops. Instead it was a waste of much more time than that. Besides, are you going to give up your life to move? Do you expect she will? Talk about pressure!


Why was it a waste of time?

Unless you had put your life on hold, for him... unless, during that time, you had denied yourself the opportunity, to get to know other guys too... I really don't see how it could have been a waste of time.


Did you not enjoy the time spent with him, up until the point that you realized you "didn't want him" after all? You must have enjoyed some of those weekends. If not, it would make no sense to keep seeing him again... and then yes, I guess it would be a waste of time.

Long distance or not. I wouldn't walk next door to spend time with a guy whose company I didn't enjoy... really, really enjoy... like dig-the-heII-out-of-it enjoy.


I do not "put my life on hold" while dating someone. Just because I choose to see only one person at a time if it is more than just a casual date, does not mean my life stops for the guy. The fact is, he was a fraud. He presented himself to be something he was not. Far too easy to do when you are not in close proximity to the person. I enjoyed my time with him while I was with him until it became clear that it was a facade. Every person has many layers. The more time you spend with them, the more layers are peeled away revealing more of the person. With him being so far away, it just stretched out the whole process and took longer to show himself as he was. I did not like what I saw once the real person was revealed. I ended it the moment I stopped enjoying myself. Looking back, I regret dating him at all. Therefore it was a waste of my time. At least now when I don't enjoy myself and I end it, I don't regret the time I put into it since it is usually quite brief.


Sorry. I did not intend to offend. Just trying to understand why you continued to see someone who is a "waste of time". Now I get it. What I still don't get is why (or how) someone would be considered "more than just a casual date" before you really know him, regardless of how long it takes to get to know him.


At any rate, what initially caught my eye was your emphatic advice, "DON'T DO IT!"
Not all situations/circumstances are alike... as you can see by my friends' success story, above.

I have my own long-distance thing happening, as well. The only problem with the geographical distance is that we miss each other like crazy... and really, really want to be together even when we can't be. We are seriously considering (one of us) relocating. But before either of us makes such a HUGE decision, as to uproot & relocate... we have an "extended visit" planned soon (just like my friends did) so that we can get a feel for what its like to be around each other all the time, through daily routines, work, workouts, business-as-usual, etc.

Whether the relationship develops as we think it will (or not) I do know him well enough to know that I will not consider it a waste of time.


BTW: I didn't meet him through a dating site. It was quite the random, chance encounter and we just hit it off.
Well let's just say the "Don't do it!" came from what I think of as my dodging a bullet. Truly. No need to go into the gory details. But I think your extended visit (something like three months right?) is a fantastic idea. That would surely let you know if the relocation is something worth doing. I really hope it works out well for you. Yes, I know all situations are not alike, and I am aware of many success stories from people I know as well. I am just very wary and perhaps just a teensy bit jaded.
- September 14th, 2008, 03:25 pm
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angelpoet angelpoet is offline
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well, Im not saying I haven't had some challenging LD relationships... I have...


But I refuse to let anything stand in the way of finding someone great...


I have learned that distance is as much as state of mind as it is geography ( IMHO )


I am open to possibilities...


that's all ... i am open...


and I'm a smart girl... so will he be... a smart guy...


we'll figure it out...





- September 14th, 2008, 03:28 pm
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angelpoet angelpoet is offline
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well, Im not saying I haven't had some challenging LD relationships... I have...


But I refuse to let anything stand in the way of finding someone great...


I have learned that distance is as much as state of mind as it is geography ( IMHO )


I am open to possibilities...


that's all ... i am open...


and I'm a smart girl... so will he be... a smart guy...


we'll figure it out...





- September 14th, 2008, 03:28 pm
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angelpoet angelpoet is offline
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well, Im not saying I haven't had some challenging LD relationships... I have...


But I refuse to let anything stand in the way of finding someone great...


I have learned that distance is as much as state of mind as it is geography ( IMHO )


I am open to possibilities...


that's all ... i am open...


and I'm a smart girl... so will he be... a smart guy...


we'll figure it out...





- September 14th, 2008, 03:28 pm
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angelpoet angelpoet is offline
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oh great sent once ...posted twice
- September 14th, 2008, 03:29 pm
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Tantalus wrote :

CoteDuRhone wrote :


Long distance doesn't work.


It's not ideal, no, but these matches have mentioned moving if they find someone, and I'm not too thrilled with where I live right now, so if either of them do happen to work out, it probably wouldn't stay long distance for long. Plus, it's not my first long distance relationship, just my first set of long distance eHarmony matches.
Long distance relationships can indeed work, and very well. My husband and I met over the Internet; he was in CA and I was in TX. Worked out great and culminated in a very successful marriage. I do agree with the other poster that a face to face meeting needs to be arranged sooner rather than later. You cannot build a relationship with words on a screen or a voice coming across a wire. You have to establish that physical connection face to face. It was never a problem for me. I have been mobile all my life, moving frrom state to state across the country, never establishing any irreversible roots. Mychosen professionallows me t go anywhere I wish to go. I'm in CA at the moment and couldn't care less if I moved tomorrow. As a matter of fact I am thinking of moving already I just haven't made any specific decisions regarding When and Where. Needless to say I will be moving eastward, LOL!
- September 14th, 2008, 03:35 pm
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LDRs suck rocks. However, if you're serious about wanting to meet these women, first-- get phone numbers, see if they're able to hold real conversations. Next, arrange a meeting. Figure out the halfway point and suggest some kind of activity (bowling?)-- not a stupid restaurant-- because you will both have been driving for a long time. If it works out, groovy... if not, go home and close her out.
- September 14th, 2008, 04:48 pm
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