The point is that if this is a source of contention between partners there is a deeper relationship issue here.


It's called selfishness, one of my "Big Two" (I just made that up) relationship killers. If she is unwilling to change her name because of selfish attachment to her name and creates an issue in the marriage because of it that's a problem. If he is so selfish as to not understand her desire to keep that part of herself and demand she change her name that's a problem.


It has nothing to do with changing names. It has everything to do with focusing more on what I want (either myself to keep my name or the other to change it) instead of what he/she wants. This is the part where individual couples compromise with each other because they're concerned more about the other person than themselves.


This is identical to a million other little issues and is no more poignant than any of the others. A great example is couples fighting over the toilet seat. She gets mad because he leaves it up and he gets mad because she demands he put it down. She argues he's selfish because he won't take the time to put it back down after using it and he argues she's being selfish because it takes the same amount of effort (less, actually, putting it down is assisted by gravity) to put it back down and she can do it herself. The truth is she's mad because she doesn't take the time to look at the toilet seat and sits into the toilet water if he leaves it up. But that's another discussion.


If this is becoming an issue one way or the other I would take a close look at your relationship and determine if something like this is worth fighting over, either way you choose. Figure out if you're choosing your position out of selfishness or with the other person in mind. If both people do that you can probably come to a compromise that works for both of you.


That's the point I was trying to make.


Jacquesne


P.S. In case you're wondering, the other one of the "Big Two" is communication. Being selfish or being unable to communicate are what I've found to be the fundamental source of virtually all relationship problems. Of course, I'm just some General Studies major with no degree in anything even close to relationship counseling, so what do I know =).